This Could Change Everything(110)

Essie blinked. ‘Why are you doing this?’

‘I said there were two reasons. You haven’t asked me what the second one is.’

OK, now he was just playing with her, and it was pretty unsettling. As if it wasn’t hard enough keeping her true feelings under wraps. Essie said, ‘I don’t want to know the second reason.’

And now Lucas was smiling at her in that devastating, havoc-making way of his, as if he knew for certain that this wasn’t true. Raising an eyebrow, he murmured, ‘Really? Are you sure?’

Her throat tightened. ‘Will you stop looking at me like that?’

‘I can’t help it. Scarlett says you’re crazy about me and the reason you’ve been denying it is because you feel so riddled with guilt about Zillah’s accident. And that’s been a pretty fantastic thing to find out, because for the last couple of weeks I was beginning to think I’d imagined all the—’

‘Wait! What?’ Belatedly Essie blurted out, ‘How could Scarlett have told you that?’

Lucas shrugged. ‘She just did. She knew.’

‘But not from me.’ Essie shook her head in bewilderment. ‘I didn’t tell her anything.’

‘Scarlett’s more observant than you think.’ His dark eyes were bright with amusement. ‘I know, I was surprised too. She also told me I was crazy about you.’ He paused. ‘Well, to be fair, I did already know that.’

Essie could hardly breathe. She leaned back against the kitchen worktop, light-headed with shock and fear and experiencing a tsunami of emotions – joy, shame, panic and stunned disbelief. Because what he was telling her was everything she’d longed to hear, but also everything she’d told herself she didn’t deserve to hear.

Helplessly she repeated, ‘I didn’t tell Scarlett.’

Lucas moved towards her. ‘That’s how she knew.’

‘Zillah nearly died.’ Essie’s voice wavered, her chest aching at the thought of how narrowly that tragedy had been avoided. She still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

‘But she didn’t.’ His gaze was steady. ‘Believe me, I know how guilt feels, but it wasn’t your fault that Zillah fell off the chair. Nor was it your fault that we didn’t get home until midnight.’

‘I was the one who made you visit your mother.’

‘And I’m so glad you did,’ said Lucas. ‘Because look what happened.’

Essie took a deep, shuddery breath; she’d been bottling up her emotions for so long, she had to confess everything. ‘I nearly didn’t find Zillah, though. On my way into the house I stepped over the post on the mat without even noticing it was there. I heard someone cry out when I was in the shower, but told myself it was a fox out in the square. All I could think about was getting over to the Red House to see you, and it just makes me feel so sick and ashamed.’

‘Hey, listen to me.’ And now Lucas was standing before her, placing his hands on her shoulders, and her skin felt as if it was on fire. ‘You did notice the post on the mat, you found her in time, you saved her life. And now she’s well again. Thanks to you, she’s made a complete recovery.’ He nodded. ‘Plus, all she could think about tonight was getting over to the Red House—’

‘To get away from me,’ said Essie with a rueful half-smile.

‘No, not that. She wanted to come over because she loves going out and meeting new people and being independent.’ As he spoke, Lucas’s thumbs were slowly massaging the skin above each of her collarbones, which was proving to be a pretty heavenly experience. ‘Also, I was the one who asked her to go over there, so I could come here and speak to you.’

‘Oh.’ Essie swallowed; the collarbone thing really was incredible.

‘You can’t keep on punishing yourself for saving someone’s life.’ Lucas’s voice was low, his mouth close to her ear now. ‘That just doesn’t make any sense.’

‘I don’t know . . .’ It had become Essie’s default reaction to tell herself that it did.

‘Shh. I’m right and you’re wrong.’ He drew back a fraction in order to look at her. ‘Now tell me, if Zillah hadn’t fallen off that chair, what do you think would have happened between us that night we arrived back here in Bath?’

Oh God . . .

Essie whispered, ‘I don’t know.’

‘Really? No idea at all? Completely sure about that?’ He gave her an enquiring look. ‘Because I know what I was hoping might happen at some stage after you turned up at my place.’

This time he was close enough to feel her body quiver in response to his words. Essie glanced out of the window, up at the starry night sky, and saw a perfect crescent moon over the square. She looked back at Lucas. ‘Now you’re not being fair.’

‘I don’t want to be fair. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. Just like you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to kiss you. It’s been killing me.’ He stroked the side of her face. ‘Thinking you really liked me, then thinking you didn’t like me . . . this last couple of weeks has been pretty hard to handle. If you only knew what you’ve done to me—’

‘Right, that’s enough.’ Essie, who was only human, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, the whoosh of electricity catching them both by surprise. Oh God, this was heavenly. Lucas was the most sensational kisser, his fingers sliding through her hair and their bodies pressing together . . .