Thief (Boston Underworld #5)(50)

To see him with her after he just left me makes me flinch. I expected it. I thought I was prepared for it, but it only nurtures the disease inside me. The belief that I will never be enough. My arms hang limply at my sides, and I feel too weak to move.

The torment shocks me back to reality. This was the reminder I needed that it’s time to be strong. Maybe what I told Mischa wasn’t a lie after all. Maybe soon, I will be strong on my own. Away from this world and away from the mafia.

“Don’t look,” Mischa says. “It will only make it worse.”

I pull my gaze away from Nikolai, grateful that Mischa is here to keep me from making a fool of myself.

“Dance with me?” I ask.

He chews on his lip while he contemplates an answer. It’s a dangerous question and probably not fair to him. But I want to do something to take my mind off Nikolai.

“He will probably kill me for it.” He offers me his hand. “But it will be worth it to say that I danced with the most beautiful girl in the room.”

“You are just trying to make me feel better.”

“I wouldn’t lie about that.” He grins. “I’ve seen you naked, remember?”

“I think you were right when you said it would be best if we never spoke of that night again.”

He laughs. And we dance. For a few minutes, I’m just a girl in a red dress. Not a prisoner. Not a ballerina. Not a mafia princess. Mischa makes me feel at ease, but he doesn’t make my heart flutter. I wish he did. Things would be easier if it was him. But it isn’t him, and when Nikolai’s shadow falls over us, he makes that abundantly clear.

“Mischa,” he barks. “There is business at Kosmos that requires your attention.”

Mischa nods, relinquishing me. “Sure.”

He doesn’t ask what sort of business requires his immediate attention because there is none. Nikolai just wants him gone. And once Mischa takes his leave, I’m the next item on his agenda.

“Go sit with the women,” he orders. “It’s time for the men to do business.”

I leave the caveman with a piercing glare and nothing else. He doesn’t deserve my words or the breath it would require to utter them.

The women are gathered in an adjacent room littered with tables and chairs. Divided into small groups, they drink and gossip among themselves. I wade through the crowd and choose an empty area in the back where I can be alone with my thoughts.

On the opposite side of the floor, the men tend to their business, which really means drinking whiskey and smoking cigars. That, at least, is the same in every mafia culture.

“Tanaka.”

It appears that my sanctuary is not safe from everyone because Alexei has found me. Beside him, a ghostly woman clings to his arm. In person, his wife looks more haunted than I imagined. Tragic is the only word I can think of to describe her. She is beautiful and pale, but empty.

I give her a reserved smile, and Alexei smooths his palms over her shoulders. “You will be just fine, Solnyshko. You have your star, yes?”

She touches the tattoo on her hand where her husband has left his mark on her, and a small fire of jealousy kindles inside me. I don’t want to be owned. I don’t want to be property. But by the way his eyes soften when they fall on her, it’s obvious he loves her. He would do anything for her. And that is what his star signifies.

“I’ll be just a few short steps away if you need anything,” he says.

“Okay.”

Alexei releases her reluctantly, and she comes to sit beside me. There’s an awkward gap of silence in which I try to figure out the best approach for this situation. Alexei wanted me to befriend her. The girl has been through all nine circles of hell, and she needs an ally in this strange new world. She was not born into the mafia, and it’s evident as her eyes dart around the room.

“I don’t fit in here either.”

“What do you mean?” Her reply is spoken in a soft and childlike voice.

I decide to take an honest approach with her. Someone who has been through as much trauma as she has will undoubtedly find it difficult to trust anyone. But if I level the playing field, she might open up.

“I am simply collateral,” I explain. “My father owes a large debt, and I am in Nikolai’s charge until he comes through with it.”

“Oh. When do you think that will be?”

“Never,” I answer. “He cannot pay.”

Her eyes widen, and she looks stricken at the thought. “So what will happen to you?”

I glance around the room, subconsciously seeking out my captor, and it appears Ana isn’t the only contender for his affections. There is yet another woman who I don’t know making her way into his orbit. I force my attention back to Talia and clutch my hands in my lap. “Whatever Nikolai decides.”

She is quiet for a pause, and I think that maybe I took the wrong approach after all.

“I was collateral too,” she blurts.

I offer her a smile. “I know.”

“You do?”

I don’t want to taint our budding friendship, so I won’t mention the things Alexei told me. It would be a fallacy to say his intentions are the only reason we find ourselves together this evening when I genuinely do want to be her friend. She would be the only real friend I ever had.

“I overheard Nikolai mention you,” I say.