Then She Was Gone(75)

‘So, you don’t normally bother with a tree?’ Laurel asks.

‘No,’ says Poppy. ‘I don’t really know why. We’re just not a Christmassy kind of family, I guess.’

‘But Sara-Jade and her mum? They do a tree?’

‘Yes!’ Poppy’s eyes light up. ‘Kate is mad about Christmas. Totally nuts about it. Their house looks like a Christmas card.’ She catches herself. ‘It’s a bit much, really,’ she finishes.

‘Sounds lovely to me.’

Poppy smiles then and says, ‘Will there be a tree at Bonny’s house? On Christmas Eve?’

‘Oh, God, yes. I’m sure there will be. Definitely. A big one probably.’

Poppy smiles broadly. ‘I can’t wait,’ she says. ‘It’ll be nice to have a proper Christmas for a change.’

‘What do you normally do on Christmas Day?’

‘Nothing much, really. Have lunch. Swap presents. Watch a movie.’

‘Just the two of you?’

Poppy nods.

‘You don’t see family?’

‘I haven’t got a family.’

‘You’ve got SJ.’

‘Yes, but she’s just one person. I mean like a whole big family. Like yours. I sometimes wish …’ She glances towards the sitting-room door and then lowers her voice. ‘I love being with Dad. But I sometimes wish there was more.’

‘More what?’

Poppy shrugs. ‘More people, I suppose. More noise.’

They take a step back from the tree a while later, just as ‘Fairy Tale of New York’ comes on to the TV. The tree is fully dressed and Laurel has switched on the fairy lights.

Floyd comes in and gasps. ‘Ladies,’ he says, putting an arm around each of their shoulders, ‘that is a triumph. An absolute triumph.’ He turns off the overhead lights and then turns back to the tree. ‘Wow! Just look at it!’

The three of them stand like that for a moment or two, the Pogues playing in the background, the lights on the tree flashing on and off; Floyd’s arm is heavy across Laurel’s shoulders and she feels him tremble slightly. She looks up at him and sees that he is crying. A single tear rolls down his cheek, a thousand tiny Christmas lights refracted through it. He wipes it away and then smiles down at Laurel.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I didn’t know how much I wanted a Christmas tree this year.’ He leans down and kisses the crown of her head. ‘You’, he said, ‘have made everything perfect. I love you, Laurel. I really do.’

She stares at him in surprise. Not that he has said it, but that he has said it in front of Poppy.

She glances quickly at Poppy to gauge her reaction. She is smiling at Laurel, willing her to complete the moment. She has no idea how hard this is for Laurel. But they are both gazing at her, waiting for her to give them something, and it is Christmas and it is dark and for some reason Laurel feels that she must do this, that it is hugely important in some strangely sinister way she can’t quite define, and so she smiles and says, ‘And I love you both, too.’

Poppy pulls Laurel into a hug. Floyd follows suit. They hold each other for a moment or two, the three of them, the heat of their combined breath meeting in the heart of the embrace. Eventually they pull apart and Floyd smiles at Laurel and says, ‘That’s all I want for Christmas. That’s all I want. Full stop.’

Laurel smiles tightly. She thinks of the press cuttings on Floyd’s desk. She thinks of the carrot cake they’d shared in that café near her hairdresser, the overpowering certainty of him as he’d walked in the door and found his way to her. And then she thinks of the phone call from Blue.

Your boyfriend. His aura is all wrong. It’s dark.

And she feels it, right there and then. Stark and obvious.

You’re not who you say you are, she suddenly thinks, you’re a fake.





Fifty-five


Laurel’s mother is still alive when she pops in to see her the next day on her way to work.

‘Still here then?’ she asks, pulling her chair closer to her mother’s.

Ruby rolls her eyes.

‘You know it’s Christmas Day on Friday,’ she says. ‘You can’t go and die before Christmas and ruin it for everyone. You do know that? If you were going to do it you should have done it last week.’

Ruby chuckles and says, ‘Next week?’

‘Yes,’ says Laurel, smiling. ‘Next week is fine. It’s always a quiet time.’

She takes her mother’s hands and says, ‘We’re having a big Christmas Eve do. At Paul and Bonny’s. Hanna will be there. Jake. My new boyfriend. His daughter. I wish you could come.’

‘No thank you,’ says Ruby and Laurel laughs.

‘No,’ she says. ‘I don’t blame you.’

‘How is n-n-new b-boyfriend?’

The smile freezes on Laurel’s face. She doesn’t know how to answer the question so she smiles and says, ‘He’s wonderful. It’s all good.’

But as the words leave her mouth, she can feel the heavy lie of them.

Her mother feels it too. ‘Good?’ she repeats, concernedly.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Good.’

Her mother nods, just once.