The Unwilling(12)

I nodded once, and there it was again.

The ghost of brother Robert.



* * *



Jason was hungover when I pulled to the curb. He sat with his boots crossed in the gutter and a bottle of beer pressed against his forehead.

“You’re late.”

I killed the engine, but didn’t get out. The top was down, sun beating in. Jason took a long swallow, and got to his feet. The house behind him was small and littered with trash, his clothes as dark and worn as a country road. In spite of it all, Jason looked ready for anything, the smile ironic, the rest of him long and lean and coiled. He drained the bottle, tossed the empty, and hefted a cooler into the back seat. “You had breakfast?” I shook my head, and he opened the door. “All right, then. I’m buying.” He named a place, and guided me across town to a diner that served a mix of soul food and Korean. “But the chicken and biscuits,” he said. “You have no idea.”

He was right about that. I didn’t.

“Good, huh?” He took off the dark glasses, and his eyes were surprisingly clear.

“You come here a lot?” I asked.

He pointed at the cook behind the counter, a wiry black man with gray in his beard. “Nathaniel Washington,” he said. “I knew his son in basic training. Darzell.”

“Did he … you know. The war?”

“What? Die?” The same ironic smile. “He drives a cab downtown. Good guy. He introduced me to this place before we shipped out. Don’t have much use for the Korean food, but the rest of it…”

He gestured, as if to take in the smell of chicken and collards, fatback and ham hocks. Spread out in the booth, he seemed relaxed. The quiet gaze. The easy smile. We finished breakfast and ordered sandwiches for the road. “Tell me about the girls,” I said.

“Girls?”

“Yeah, you said—”

“Ah, the girls. Well, women, really. You been laid yet?”

I looked away, embarrassed. Girls were a mystery wrapped in sweetness and cruelty. They generally terrified me.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “These girls are nice. You’ll like them.”

After that, he watched the city beyond the glass. Shadows deepened in alleyways across the street, and bright light etched the pedestrians, the homeless, the big cars with chrome fenders. I was drawn by his lazy confidence, his stillness, the way he held his cigarette.

“What?”

He caught me watching, but I had no easy answer. People said we looked alike, but he was exotic to me. “How many people did you kill?”

It was not a fair question so early in the morning. He gave me a long look, neither upset nor giving.

“Not today, little brother.”

My disappointment was hard to hide. Sex. Death. Experience. These were the things that made him a man and me something less.

“Listen,” he said. “I get it. People talk. We’re family…”

“I heard twenty-nine, just in your first year.”

He shook his head, stubbed out the cigarette. Did that mean more than twenty-nine? Less?

“I need a drink.” He rose as the old proprietor delivered a bag of food to the table. “Thanks, Nathaniel.” Jason passed across a wad of bills without really counting them, then shouldered the door and led me into the heat. “You ready for a beer?”

“I’m driving.”

“Nah, I got it.” He circled the hood and slid behind the wheel. I waited a moment, then got in, too. “Bottle opener is in the cooler.”

I looked around. No cops. No one seemed to care. Rooting through the ice, I found bottles of Michelob, and pulled out two, opening them and handing one over. Jason drained a third of it in a single pull, then eased onto the four-lane and turned east. I kept the bottle between my legs, sipping nervously when we hit gaps in traffic.

“Nice car,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Robert and I had to walk.”

I looked for resentment, but didn’t see it. I could have told him how I’d paid for it mowing lawns and fueling boats, but I didn’t want to break the mood. His fingers filled the grooves on the wheel, and he whistled at the easy acceleration. In seconds, we were doing sixty in a forty-five, and he was smiling like a man fresh out of prison. He took us farther east and then north, bending around the city until we reached an expensive area filled with bright glass and trees and off-street parking.

“About these girls…” He pulled to the curb. “Don’t let them scare you.”

“I don’t. What…?”

“Ladies!”

Jason swung out of the car as two young women appeared from a nearby condo. I saw a blur of terry cloth and thin shirts and bare, smooth skin. They giggled down a flight of steps and met Jason on the sidewalk, each one rising on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. The shorter one leaned in as if whispering. “Is this him? He’s cuter than you said. See, Sara. I told you.”

Both were staring, both braless and tan. The blonde wore a headband with a turquoise stone in the center of her forehead. The shorter one with dark hair wore it feathered.

“All right,” Jason said. “Ladies in the back. Little brother rides with me.”

“Aww…”

“I’ll share later. Now, come on. Load up.”