The Things You Didn't See(31)

‘Will you come home now, Daniel? Please.’ I hate myself for begging, but I need him.

‘I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise. It’s okay, don’t panic. Try meditating. If you let me crack on here, I should only be a couple of hours writing up my case notes. Look, why don’t you go and collect Jet from Mr Godwin’s house? The walk would be good exercise.’

He hangs up on me, leaving me with this task that I know is beyond me. I can’t bear to see that man. I’ll ask Holly to do it. I text her, and she replies straight away:

I’ll go after I finish my shift. See you later, H.

I stare at the phone for a long time before dialling the number for Victoria’s dorm. I picture the communal phone on the wall ringing insistently to an empty hallway. Oakfield has strict rules about the pupils having only limited access to mobile phones, so this is the system we must use. It hasn’t changed since I was a pupil. That perpetual ringing used to drive me crazy but to pick up the phone meant running to fetch whoever the call was for, so we all ignored it.

I didn’t turn the gas off, so the tofu is now charcoal.

Still with the phone wedged under my chin, I make toast instead, and have time to butter and eat it before the damn phone is finally answered by a student whose grasp of English is poor.

‘Victoria Salmon. Can you get her, please?’

She keeps telling me to slow down and repeat myself so it takes a lot of explaining to make her understand. Finally, she goes to fetch Victoria, but when a girl’s voice comes on the line it isn’t her.

‘Hi, it’s Dawn. How are you, Cassandra?’

I’ve never told her she can call me by my first name, she just assumed, and I never corrected her. Whenever we meet, she kisses me on both cheeks, takes the initiative. That confidence is the private school cultural capital people pay for.

‘Hi, Dawn, is Victoria there?’

‘Tori’s still playing tennis but we’re going into town to see a film this afternoon. She should be here.’

Dawn is wrong: Victoria should be here, at home, not playing tennis, not going to the cinema. This was supposed to be our week. ‘Is she okay?’

Dawn hesitates. Teenagers are like this, always cautious with parents in case they say something that’ll get their best mate in trouble. ‘She’s great, we’ve been having a real laugh. Most of the girls have gone home for exeats, so we’ve had the run of the place. It’s just us and the overseas students.’

Dawn’s mother is a single parent; she lives further up the Suffolk coast. I’ve never met her because Dawn comes to stay with us rather than Victoria going there, and Daniel always does the pickups. The set-up works. I want Victoria here for every day of the too-brief holidays, but she doesn’t know any kids locally, so it’s good for her to have Dawn to stay. Daniel’s always been keen on this – he’s a great believer in the power of friendship.

Dawn is polite and very pretty, but there’s something I can’t warm to about her. Maybe it’s that sense of entitlement she exudes that irritates me. I can’t recall what her mother does for a living, but she must be well paid, or her ex-husband is, to afford the school fees. We certainly can’t afford them. Victoria’s only there because you pay, Mum.

‘Hang on, Cassandra, I can see her coming across the yard.’ I hear the sound of iron on wood, the window in the hallway being opened, and then Dawn shouting down, ‘Tori! Telephone! It’s your mum.’

Tori. I wish I could call her that. Abbreviated names are so affectionate. But when your daughter hasn’t lived at home for two years, it’s inevitable the closeness goes. She’s had to face things alone: homesickness, bullying, her first period. I don’t blame her for the emotional distance between us – it’s what happens when a child is sent away.

I can hear Dawn closing the window with several bangs and then listen to silence. Finally, a breathless voice says, ‘Mum? Are you okay?’

‘Hi, love.’ I force cheeriness. ‘Dawn said you were playing tennis. Did you win?’

‘Nah. I’m shit at tennis.’

I bite back the temptation to scold her for swearing. ‘I’m sure that’s not true.’

‘So, what’s up?’

Everything. ‘Nothing. I just wanted to explain about half-term. I’m sorry you aren’t here . . .’

‘It’s okay, I understand.’

‘I was looking forward to seeing you, love. And Dawn, of course. I’d got you girls your favourite cereal.’

‘Don’t worry, Mum, really.’

‘And this lovely cake. Pink. Large, full of sugar, but I thought what the heck. And you could have taken some back to school. Shared it with your friends.’

‘I said it’s okay. Dad explained when he called.’

This stops me in my tracks. ‘When he called ?’

‘Yeah, on Saturday. He rang to say you were sick. Are you feeling any better?’

‘Me?’

‘Dad said you were having another . . . y’know, like before . . .’

‘What?’ I demand, suddenly feeling cold.

‘Jeez, Mum, I don’t want to upset you! But if you’re having another episode . . . Hang on.’

I wait as she says something to Dawn and then comes back on the line. ‘I’ve got to go, the minibus leaves for town in half an hour and I need to take a shower. We’re going to see the latest Fast and Furious. I don’t want to miss it.’