The Therapist(66)

‘I’m not trying to solve it. But as I’ve already told you, I don’t believe that Oliver killed Nina.’

‘Why are you so sure that he didn’t?’ he asks, perplexed.

I look for something to tell him. ‘I read an article. Apparently, Oliver’s sister has always maintained his innocence.’

‘Well, of course she’s going to say her brother is innocent! Are you telling me that because of an article you read in a newspaper, you’ve decided to go on a one-woman crusade to clear Oliver’s name? You should leave things alone, Alice.’

‘So you think it’s alright that the real killer got away with it?’

He throws his hands up in exasperation. ‘We’re not going to get anywhere going backwards and forwards like this. You can have two weeks and then I want my house back.’

‘Thank you,’ I say. But he’s already gone.





Past


She’s late. Again.

‘How are you today?’ she asks, once she’s sitting down.

I smile. ‘Aren’t I meant to ask you that?’

‘Therapists are allowed to have off-days too, aren’t they?’

The fact that she’s relaxed enough to joke with me is pleasing. Could it mean that she’s finally going to tell me what I’ve been waiting to hear?

‘No, I don’t think they are,’ I say.

She laughs.

‘Shall we begin?’ I pull my pad towards me. ‘Over the last few sessions, we’ve been exploring the reasons for your unhappiness. You’ve told me about your childhood, your teenage years, your experiences in the world of work and we came to the conclusion that all those were mostly positive experiences. I think now we need to focus on when you first began to think about yourself as unhappy.’

A small frown creases her brow.

‘If you remember, during our last session, we touched on your marriage as a possible source of your unhappiness,’ I prompt.

‘The thing is, I don’t think I am.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Unhappy.’

I turn my head towards the window, giving her time to reflect on what she’s just said. Through the slats in the blinds, I can see brightly lit garlands strung across the street outside.

‘I mean, how can I be?’ she goes on. ‘I’m married to the most amazing man who would do anything for me, who gives me everything I want. That’s what attracted me to him in the first place – that, and the fact that he was different from the men back home. He’s a real gentleman.’ She laughs nervously. ‘I know that sounds old-fashioned but it’s true.’

I turn my attention back to her and smile. ‘There’s nothing wrong with old-fashioned.’

‘I think what I’ve been feeling is guilt. Guilt that I have so much. That’s what has been making me unhappy, not Pierre. I love him.’ She pauses. ‘You know that quote by Henry David Thoreau, about happiness being elusive?’

‘Yes?’

‘Do you think it’s true?’

‘I think it’s worth careful analysis.’

‘Then maybe I need to turn my attention to other things.’

‘That’s probably a very good idea.’

‘The only thing is, I’m not sure where to begin.’ She looks across at me. ‘I wish I didn’t feel so anxious about everything.’

I put my pen down, close my pad. ‘Do you remember that during our first session, we spoke about relaxation therapy?’

‘Yes. It sounds amazing.’

I stand up. ‘Why don’t we make a start?’





Thirty-Three


Debbie calls me the next morning.

‘How are you?’

I don’t have to pretend with Debbie. ‘Miserable. It’s over between me and Leo.’

‘I’m so sorry, Ali.’

‘The worst thing is, nobody is going to understand why I left him. As Ginny pointed out, it’s not as if he murdered someone. Everyone will think I’ve left him because he spent time in prison – which it is. But not in the way that they think.’

‘Does Leo understand?’

‘I’m not sure that he does. After everything I told him, I don’t think he really gets it. But you do, don’t you, Debbie? You know why I can’t be with him now.’

‘Yes,’ she says softly. ‘But, you know, if you want people to understand, you could tell them. You could explain why you feel as you do.’

‘I can’t,’ I say, my voice tight. ‘I’d rather they think I’m unforgiving.’

‘Have you decided what you’re going to do?’

‘Short-term, Leo is letting me have the house for the next two weeks but long-term, I’m not sure. Could I come and stay with you for a bit? I’m not going to be able to get my cottage back until February so I’ll have to find another solution until then.’

‘You can stay with me for as long as you like, you know that. We’re hardly going to get in each other’s way here. You can have the two bedrooms at the back of the house, make one into a temporary study, and in return, you can come for a ride with me each day, on Bonnie. How does that sound?’