The Switch(66)

‘What! You wanted me to like him, didn’t you, and I’ve not got much else to go on right now! Oh, hi, Mike,’ she says as he returns to the table with a waiter and chair in tow. ‘So sorry about this.’

‘Not at all,’ he says smoothly. ‘Thanks so much,’ he tells the waiter. ‘I really appreciate you going to the trouble.’

‘Polite to waiters,’ I whisper to Bee. ‘A very good sign.’

Mike looks amused. ‘Eileen,’ he says, ‘you have the advantage over me and Bee – you’re the only person at this table who has any idea who anybody else is. So. Why don’t you tell us why you wanted to matchmake me and Bee today?’

I pause, a little startled. ‘Oh, umm, well …’

I catch Bee’s expression of rather wicked amusement. She shoots Mike an appreciative glance. I narrow my eyes at them both.

‘I have spent a great deal of the last few years keeping my mouth shut about one thing or another,’ I tell them. ‘But I’ve come to realise lately that sometimes it’s better just to stick your oar in, as it were. So you shan’t make me feel embarrassed for trying to matchmake the two of you. As Bee put it – I have no shame.’ I raise a hand as Mike opens his mouth to say something. ‘No, no, let me finish. Bee is an extremely successful management consultant and plans to launch her own business any day now. Mike, you recently set up your own business about … hummus scooping.’ I wave a hand at them both. ‘Go on,’ I say. ‘Discuss.’

*

I return home feeling pleased as punch. I chaired the entirety of Bee and Mike’s date and it was a roaring success. Well, they spent the majority of it laughing, at least – some of the time at me, admittedly, but that didn’t matter. I’ve always been rather afraid of being laughed at, but when it’s on your own terms, and you’re laughing too, it turns out it can be quite fun.

I settle myself down at the breakfast counter with Leena’s laptop. There are three new messages waiting for me on my dating website.

Todoffstage says: Tomorrow night, my house. The black lacy underwear. I insist upon it.



I blush. Gosh. Normally I hate being bossed around, but somehow when Tod does it, I don’t seem to mind at all. I clear my throat and write back.

EileenCotton79 says: Well, if you insist …



Whew. Well, this should calm me down again – a message from Arnold. I thought I’d told him to bog off and stop looking at my profile, hadn’t I?

Arnold1234 says: I saw this and thought of you …



I click the link below his message. A video pops up. It’s a cat, eating its way through a large patch of pansies.

I burst out laughing, surprising myself.

EileenCotton79 says: This proves nothing, Arnold Macintyre!

Arnold1234 says: There are bags of these cat videos on the Internet. I’ve been watching them for hours.

EileenCotton79 says: Have you seen the one with the piano?

Arnold1234 says: Brilliant, isn’t it?



I laugh.

EileenCotton79 says: I thought you didn’t like cats.

Arnold1234 says: I don’t. But whatever you think, Eileen, I’m not a monster, and only a monster could fail to be amused by a cat who plays the piano.

EileenCotton79 says: I don’t think you’re a monster. Just a grumpy old man.



The dot dot dot lasts for ever. Arnold types so slowly. While I wait, I go back to his profile page. There’s still very little detail there, but he has added a profile picture now, a shot of him grinning in the sunshine with a straw hat covering his balding head. I smile. He looks very Arnold-like, and I feel a bit guilty about my decade-old picture, taken in very flattering light.

Arnold1234 says: I’m not grumpy all the time, you know.

EileenCotton79 says: Just when I’m there, then …

Arnold1234 says: You ARE quite infuriating.

EileenCotton79 says: Who, me?

Arnold1234 says: And you can be a bit on the petty side.

EileenCotton79 says: Petty! When??

Arnold1234 says: When we found out my shed stretched a little over our boundary line and you made me rebuild the whole bloody thing on the other side of the garden.



I make a face. I did do that, I must admit. Arnold was apoplectic, it was ever so funny.

EileenCotton79 says: Property laws must be respected, Arnold. Otherwise, as my new friend Fitz likes to say … what separates us from the animals?

Arnold1234 says: New friend, eh?

EileenCotton79 says: Yes …

Arnold1234 says: New FRIEND, eh?



I laugh as the penny drops.

EileenCotton79 says: Fitz? He lives with Leena! He’s young enough to be my grandson!

Arnold1234 says: Good.

Arnold1234 says: I mean, it’s good that you’ve made friends with her housemate. What’s their house like, then?



Belatedly I remember there’s one more message waiting for me. This one is from Howard.

OldCountryBoy says: Hello, dearest Eileen! I’ve just finished reading The Mousetrap, since you said it was one of your favourites, and I must say I loved it too. What an ending!



Something warm blooms in my chest. I start typing back. Howard’s always so attentive. It’s rare to find a man who’s more interested in listening than talking. We’ve discussed all sorts of things on this website – I’ve told him about my family, my friends, even Wade. He was very sweet and said Wade was a fool for letting me go, which I wholeheartedly agree with, I must say.