The Surface Breaks(27)
“Why would I be offended? Being called fat is not an insult, little mermaid. It is as meaningless as being called thin. They are just descriptions. It is your father who has deemed it to be a negative word, and a negative state of being.” She looks down at herself with obvious pleasure. “I like my body. And while I value my own opinion over those of men, it might surprise you to know that some prefer a woman of more plentiful flesh. It is nothing to be ashamed of – we all have our preferences – but they have been forced to feel ashamed even so.” She sighs. “And I am a fallen woman because of that shame. It is their desire and yet I am cast out as a result.”
I can sense the beginnings of a headache, as if my brain is struggling to absorb all this new information. We have been told since we were mer-children that extra weight is revolting. There have been mer-men who gained in stature as they aged, but the men were not born to please the eye, as we were. Maids have been told that being slim is as important as being beautiful, as necessary as being obedient, as desirable as remaining quiet. We must stay thin or we will die sad and alone, spin-maids of the kingdom, cast to the Outerlands because we are a drain on the palace resources. Such maids are neither mothers nor sirens and therefore are of no use to anyone.
Ceto wheezes as the snake around her neck tightens its grip. “Ah, my pretty,” she says, stroking its blistered head until it releases its hold. “It is not a punishment to be here with you. I am content with my lot. Which is more than can be said for you, little mermaid. What dissatisfied women the Sea King produces. You are not the first of your sisters to visit me, you know.”
I stare at her in shock. Who could have come here? Talia, to find a husband? Cosima? She wouldn’t have asked the Sea Witch to curse me, surely? I think of her coming to my room, her insistence that Ceto would be the only one to help me, and dread grits my teeth. Was this just a trap, after all?
“Which one?” I ask.
“Names, names,” she waves me off. “The girl was quite distressed. She had come of age and realized her nursery-crushes weren’t merely confined to the nursery. Unnatural desires, as the Sea King would put it. Really, he is most intolerant, he always has been. I sent her away, the poor thing. I have heard of witches who will perform such rituals as she begged me to do but I am not one of them. Burning. Cutting. The girls will feel relentless pain afterwards, but they will not be burdened with desire either.” She chuckles at the expression on my face. “Yes, little one, women can experience both. You will see, in time.” She smoothes down her hair and I shrink back at the sudden motion. “Pretty maid, she was,” she continues. “A tail of the palest blue. About bonding age, I would wager. The Sapphic girls always come to me when it is time to take their vows.”
“Nia,” I whimper. “But that is impossible; she is betrothed to Marlin. She will have a natural marriage.” I have heard of girls with unnatural urges, cured, of course, by bonding and by having children of their own. But never a princess. Never a daughter of the Sea King.
“Natural? And what is natural? Your father deems my Salkas to be ‘unnatural’ too, and what are they but drowning girls? He believes that he is all that is natural and right, and anyone with differing inclinations must be deemed perverted in order to prove his point.”
“But Nia is a princess.” A princess who never joined in when my sisters and I were discussing which mer-man we found the most handsome, I realize. A princess who is always looking out of the window, searching for something she cannot name.
“And you think such things cannot exist within the palace walls?”
“But—” I am unable to continue for fear that I will cry. Nia. What will my father do to her if he finds out?
“Don’t worry,” the Sea Witch says, as if she can hear my thoughts. “Nia will accept her fate, marry the man your father has chosen for her. She will be… well, she will be fine. Nia does not have your restlessness.” She smiles. “Speaking of which, is it time that we should come to the heart of the matter?”
“What?”
“You are here to relinquish your tail, yes? You want to make yourself suitable for the desires of a man?” Not just any man. Oliver. “You desire two stumps of flesh to walk upon, stumps that can be spread open in a manner that no sea-tail will permit.” Her head drops as she whispers to the snake around her waist. “All this to satisfy a human who isn’t even aware of her existence.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I knew this was to be your fate from the moment my Salka told me what happened the night of the storm. I could taste your need.”
“It’s not just about Oliver,” I say. “Yes, it’s true that I love him.” The Sea Witch laughs at this, and I ignore her. “But this is about my mother too… She went up there, and she was captured and we don’t know what happened to her, not really. My father says she abandoned us—”
“A mother wanting a life of her own is not the same thing as abandoning her children. You would do well to remember that.”
“And,” I carry on, “he said it was my mother’s fault and we shouldn’t care about her but—”
“Your father says a lot of things.” Her expression is unreadable.
“I need to know the truth.” I am pleading with her now. “I have always needed to know.”