The Summer Deal (Wildstone #5)(63)

Deck’s brows raised. “The truth.”

“About us being half sisters.”

Another pause from Deck, probably wondering exactly how stupid she was to have let this happen. “How did Brynn take it?” he finally asked.

Kinsey winced. “Not great. She left.”

“Remind me again why you didn’t tell her until you were forced to?”

She blew out a breath. “I’ve always meant to. But . . . she’s got this great life, you know? Awesome moms, and she’s so loved . . .”

Deck stood up, set her back on the couch, and strode across the room to the sliding glass door, looking sightlessly out into the night.

“Deck?”

“You’ve got an option at that same so-called perfection that Brynn has. You know that, right? You’ve just chosen not to pick it. Over and over again.”

She nodded, because this wasn’t new information. Something else that wasn’t new—she had a long history of not paying close enough attention to those she cared about. Having studied psychology for her job, she’d learned that was because she was selfish. The world revolved around her. She tried really hard to teach kids to stretch their wings beyond that selfish place. She’d been working on doing the same, but she’d clearly regressed big time. Because if she forced herself to look at tonight from the outside, it all came into sharp focus.

Deck was frustrated because she hadn’t invited him to the dinner. “I should have brought you with me tonight,” she said softly to his back.

He shrugged. “I don’t ever want something from you that you don’t want to give.”

Somehow this only made her feel even worse. “I should’ve asked you.” With a throat thick with emotion, she rose and walked to him. “Just as I should’ve told Brynn about me and her before she found out this way.” She put her hands on his arms and turned him to face her. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you, Deck.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

Not buying this, he shook his head.

She sighed and admitted the truth. “I’m afraid to let you all the way in.”

“Babe, you’ve already got me on my knees. All you’ve gotta do is unlock and open up.” He gently tapped a finger over her heart.

She dropped her head onto his chest. “I’m just so tired.”

His hands went to her hips and he pulled her in. “It’s late. Stay. I’ll make you grilled cheese.”

She managed a smile. “You know I’ve got a soft spot for grilled cheese.” She paused. “And for you.”

He gave her a knowing look. “More than just friends with benefits minus the friends part.”

Yes. It was on the tip of her tongue, which she bit to keep the words inside. Because she couldn’t say them. She’d never be able to say them.

He stared at her for a beat. “Shit.” He dropped his hands from her. “I’m such an idiot.”

Her heart lurched and she stood up. “No. It’s me. I’m the idiot. I . . . I’m attracted to you, Deck. You know that. And I need you. You’re important to me. You know that too.”

“Most guys would buy that and let you take the out because you’ve got kidney disease. But I’m not most guys, Kinsey. So stop bullshitting me. If stolen moments are all you’re feeling for me, then fine. But if you’re running scared, which I think you are, then you’re also a hypocrite.”

“Excuse me?”

“Isn’t running scared what you object to about Brynn? You worry she’s going to take off and hurt Eli? And you?”

“I—” She shook her head. How was it he always got to the heart of the matter, where she’d not even seen the heart of the matter? “Yes. Okay? Yes, I’m a hypocrite. But I’m afraid I’m going to get hurt. Somehow I always get hurt because I overestimate how much people like me. Or don’t like me. I mean, most of the time, I don’t know why anyone would feel anything for me at all. I mean, look at me, Deck. I’m a mess, all the time.”

“I like you just as you are. Always have.” He cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “How could you not know how I feel about you?” he asked softly.

“Well, I try really hard not to dig too deep,” she quipped, heart pounding. “It’s an art, really, and it’s the one thing I’m really good at—”

“Stop.” His voice was gruff but gentle. “Stop redirecting and avoiding. Just listen. Because I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel so that I know that you know, and then you know that I know that you know.”

She gaped at him. “You’ve been watching Friends.”

“Three times a week without fail. I’m in love with you, Kinsey.”

Oh, God. Her heart stopped.

But Deck wasn’t finished. “And I believe you love me too. But you’re in denial, deep. I get that tonight was rough on you. I also get that this is about you and Brynn right now, so we can absolutely table this and discuss later, but at some point, we will circle back to it.”

He was always there for her, always willing to set aside his own feelings and his own agenda for her. No one had ever done that, not even Eli. But all she could do was shake her head. “I can’t do this. Any of it. Brynn probably hates me.”