The Speed of Light: A Novel(20)

I bite back a scoff. Oh, big plans—lying on my couch bingeing on ice cream and trying to stay up to watch the ball drop on TV. I clear my throat. “Nothing major, really. How about you?” I pray my voice is casual, though my hand inside my pocket is trembling.

“I’m supposed to meet a few friends at a bar downtown around seven o’clock. Do you . . . I mean, would you want to come?” Yes. The word comes quick, the snap of a whip. I don’t want to let him get away again.

But on the outside I hesitate. I meant what I told Nikki—I need time to adjust, to wrap my brain around my diagnosis. The thought of a first-date conversation now makes me cringe: Hi, I’m Simone and I like going to the theater and reading books and talking about movies and by the way remember when I mentioned I might have a chronic neurological condition? Well, I sure do, and to be honest I don’t know what it’s going to do to me tomorrow let alone years from now but would you like to see me again?

And yet despite everything, Connor is standing here in front of me, this handsome man I never thought I’d see again, smiling with so much hope. Maybe we wouldn’t have to talk about it, not right away. Maybe we could just have fun.

Finally, the word pushes its way past my lips. “Yes.”

We exchange numbers, say our goodbyes, and when I walk back across campus, my steps are lighter somehow, almost like I’m floating.



That evening, however, my stomach roils as if I’m adrift on a stormy sea, about to heave over the side of the ship. Christ, flipping through the clothes in my closet is like falling overboard into that murky seawater—nothing but boring neutrals I’m flinging one by one across the deep-blue comforter on my bed.

I’m supposed to meet Connor at the bar in an hour, and as I rake through the clothes hangers, my mind reels—there is absolutely no way tonight can go well and maybe he won’t even show up and holy shit what was I even thinking—but when I shove a pair of gray yoga pants aside, a pop of shimmering gold emerges.

“Wait, what’s that one?” Claudia clutches my arm, stopping my spiral, and yanks the dress from the closet—slinky and white with intricate golden designs that glisten as it moves. She sweeps her hand across the sparkly swirls and blinks her brown eyes at me. “This is yours?”

“I know, right? Got it at Goodwill during college.” I turn to Nikki, who sits cross-legged on the bed. “We were going to go as an angel and a devil for Halloween, remember?”

Nikki snorts. “You chickened out and wore a white choir robe instead.”

I cross my arms. “It was too cold.” Plus, the flowing robe was much more forgiving than the form-fitting dress.

She shoots me the Nikki look; then it twists into a smirk. “Well, now’s your chance to redeem yourself, kiddo.”

“No way. It’s still too cold!” And it would be even tighter now.

“Wear a coat.”

“But . . .” I gesture at the dress. “Look at this thing. I’m going to be bulging out everywhere.”

“That’s what Spanx are for.” Her singsong voice annoys me even more, and I glare at her. Her eyes burn back into mine. “You deserve this,” she whispers.

I roll my eyes, frustrated. Claudia takes a deep breath, smooths a shiny lock of black hair behind her ear, then sits down by her girlfriend, putting a hand on her arm. They exchange a brief look; then Claudia turns to me with a gentle smile. “It’ll be warm in the bar, Mone. How about you just try it on?”

I sigh, and my posture softens. Nikki’s my best friend, but Claudia is definitely the voice of reason in their relationship. I huff and pull the dress off the hanger before slamming the bathroom door behind me and then setting to work squeezing myself into this garish costume of a dress. But it has more give than I expect as I pull it up over my hips—it’s actually sort of comfortable.

I turn toward the mirror, run my hand down the contained curves of my stomach and hips. Well done, Spanx.

I open the door, and they’re both still perched on the bed, waiting expectantly. When Claudia sees me, she gasps, then squeals. “You look so great! I’ve got some shimmering eye shadow that’ll go great with it!”

Nikki smiles but doesn’t rub it in—and that is why we’re best friends. “Come on, let’s work on your hair.”

I nod, excitement finally replacing my anxiety. I mean, it is New Year’s—maybe a little sparkle isn’t a bad thing.

Maybe a little magic is possible.





CHAPTER TEN

At 6:57, Nikki pulls her forest-green crossover into a parking spot a half block from the bar. Tiny snowflakes start to fall onto downtown Sioux Falls and the holiday decorations that adorn Phillips Avenue, festive wreaths and twinkling white lights hung on each light pole. I open the door to the laughter and chatter of the bustling New Year’s Eve crowd strolling along the sidewalks.

Through the windshield, Nikki eyes a group of stumbling dude bros who laugh and shove each other as they walk past, eventually entering O’Malley’s. “This place, huh?”

Her voice is low and my stomach twists. Nikki and Claudia keep a mental list of bars and clubs they don’t go to at night—a safety measure to avoid stupid, drunken bigots. But I didn’t think O’Malley’s—an odd, somewhat mismatched blend of a sports bar and an Irish pub—was one of them.