The Sound of Broken Ribs(32)
Lei nodded in the slow way she’d grown accustomed to. She had always been a quick study, but pain had made an even faster pupil of the bruised and broken author.
Oddly enough, humility hurt almost as bad as the physical pain. Having to be watched over while she defecated seemed the greatest inconvenience of all. She couldn’t fathom another human being needing to wipe her, but she was about to find out exactly what that felt like.
What came out of Lei felt to be exactly the size and shape and weight as a fire extinguisher. She could feel herself tearing around it, but bore down anyway.
When it was finally over, Lei sat upon the pan, huffing and puffing, as if she’d just ran a marathon. The pain in her rectum was minute in comparison to what was going on in her chest though. With every shallow inhale, she could feel as well as hear her ribs grinding together—clickety-click-click… click click… The sound sent icy fingers dancing up and down her back.
Lei made eye contact with the tech with the gold braids, who stood just under the room’s television, watching her, and nodded slowly.
“Ready?”
Lei continued to nod.
The tech eased her over and cleaned her first with a warm wet cloth and then patted her with a dry towel. Lei’s pride shattered in a thousand pieces. There was no possible way it would ever be whole again.
The tech’s voice drifted over Lei’s shoulder, her tone calm and devoid of judgment, “You’re backed up because of the pain medicine. I’ll tell your nurse so she can bring you a stool softener. There’s some blood, too, but that’s normal when you have to strain like you did.”
The tech rolled her onto her back and then disposed of Lei’s waste in the private bathroom. While the Tech was gone, Lei wept. Even crying hurt.
Clickety, click, click… click click…
The tech returned and Lei hated her. Hated the woman for making her feel helpless. Hated her stupid gold braids and her pretty fucking face and perfect brown skin. She hated the bitch’s smile and eyes and gentle hands.
“Your nurse will be in shortly.”
The door clicked shut behind the tech.
Lei loosed a shrieking wail. It sounded like the rusted hinges of an old garage door. Making the noise sent torrents of lava cascading down her face. The molten rock settled in her jaw and lingered. Oh, how it lingered. Fresh tears came. Her cheeks were soaked.
Where was Harry?
Harry was gone. Harry, like the rest of the able-bodied world, was allowed to come and go as they wished, without impunity. But, most importantly, without pain.
Fuck him, too.
What kind of asshole leaves his wife to suffer while he grabs a bite to eat? What kind of asshole leaves his wife alone with strangers? He should have been the one to put her on the bedpan. He should have been here to clean her. “In sickness and in health,” had been his vow to her.
Well… where the fuck was he?
She took a belabored, trembling breath and her ribs protested by sending stabbing pains up into her neck and head and down into her stomach. She was a vessel on an ocean in a storm and there was nothing she could do to keep the waves from smashing her against the rocks.
Nothing she could do but cry and whine like the invalid she was.
The first nurse Lei remembered coming in contact with came through the door a few minutes later and caught Lei sobbing.
“Oh, my. All right. Hang on,” Hilda said. She swiftly moved around to the pain pump and pressed the button. Then her fingers worked the buttons on the front of the pump. She pressed the button again, and once more the device beeped. The clock gears whirred and clicked.
While the first dose hadn’t done much, the second one combined with the first sent Lei floating. The pain was still there, but far away. It hid behind a mountain, pulsing like native drums, distant and throbbing.
“Better?” Hilda asked.
Lei nodded and rolled her eyes—Lei-speak for “Oh, god, yes. Thank you.”
Hilda grabbed a fresh washcloth from the cabinet by the television and wetted it in the private bathroom. She washed Lei’s face with the cloth with gentle strokes.
“I know it’s bad. I know.” Hilda petted Lei’s hair. “But this is temporary. Keep reminding yourself of that. This too shall pass.”
Will it?
The soft voice fluttered from between strands of Hilda’s curly brown hair. Although Lei could not see the thing with the black skin and yellow teeth, she knew it was hiding back there. Hiding just out of sight.
She knows nothing of your pain, said the voice. And you know nothing of the pain yet to come. But I will be here. I will be here to see you through it. I will guide you.
The drugs swam in her system. The room swayed to and fro… to and fro…
Hilda left and Lei fell in and out of consciousness.
At some point, Harry returned. He took up his place as sentinel beside her.
Her rational self peeked through, accessed now, she thought, only due to the aid of the pain medicine dulling her anger, and she knew she didn’t hate her husband. He needed to eat just like anyone. Just like she needed the sustenance they pumped into her NG tube three times a day. Like she needed the supplements in the lime-green vita-bag they hung from her pole every twenty-four hours.
No. She did not hate Harry. And she would, from now on, not charge him with crimes he had not committed. She would instead focus on the reason she was here. The person who had put her in this hospital bed. The one who had left her mangled on the side of the road. The one who’d wanted to destroy something.