The Silent Wife(96)

A slight raising of the eyebrows that I’d discovered the inscription. He waited until he had our full attention. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of us hanging onto his every word, but he was mesmerising, a gypsy-haired villain deciding whether or not to put us out of our misery.

Finally he laughed. And started humming. The music from Pelléas and Mélisande. That’s where I’d recognised it from. No run-of-the-mill bloke next door affair for Massimo. He’d cast himself in the role of the tragic sibling, in love with his brother’s wife. In his warped mind, he was Pelléas – P. He must have been laughing his head off at my na?ve questions when we were watching the opera in San Gimignano.

I turned to face Nico, wondering if I was up to the job of repairing the damage of the betrayal by his first wife and his brother, as well as convincing him I wasn’t the light-fingered chancer Massimo was making me out to be.

‘Nico, I didn’t steal that box. I took it but I didn’t sell it or anything. I chucked it away. In a skip. Maybe I should have just shown you what I’d found.’ My voice was shrinking. I couldn’t have sounded more defensive if he’d caught me climbing out of a window with a bag marked ‘Swag’. ‘I couldn’t see the point of telling you Caitlin had been unfaithful. I knew you’d be devastated and it was all in the past. I was worried you or Francesca would find the box and read the engraving. You’d have known straightaway it was from a lover. I was trying to protect you both. But I didn’t realise all the stuff was from Massimo.’

Nico’s face was blotchy with emotion. He was swallowing over and over again as though he was fighting the great swell of feelings whirlpooling inside him. I was longing to give him space to cry. To shout at me. To vent his anger, sadness, despair, whatever it was trapped inside, in all its rawness. But I didn’t want Massimo to see him crumple. Or let him witness me dealing with how much Nico had loved Caitlin.

I took Nico’s hand, running my fingers over his rough skin. He didn’t pull away. A rush of emotion, a desire to protect him and to have revenge on Massimo overwhelmed me.

‘I’m sorry. I made a shit choice about the whole bloody box thing. Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll just check on Lara. You go next door and talk to Francesca.’ I couldn’t bring myself to say home.

After living there for ten months, I belonged less than ever.

Nico shook his head. ‘I’ll wait for you.’

‘No, I’ll be fine. Francesca needs you. She’s in a terrible state. I’ll be right round, just want to make sure Lara’s okay.’ I didn’t add ‘safe’.

Nico turned to Massimo. ‘I looked up to you. I thought you had the world sussed. I envied you. But more than that, I loved you and would have done anything for you.’

I stood by helplessly as Nico walked out, shaking his head as though he couldn’t believe what had just happened. One thing I knew for sure. Gold-digging had nothing to do with my love for Nico. In that moment, I’d have taken his raw hurt and let it devour me alive rather than see him in such unbearable pain.





45





LARA




After ten years, the biggest change in my life had happened in half an hour.

When Maggie came into the kitchen, she put her hand on Dad’s shoulder. ‘You all right, Robert?’

He didn’t reply. My poor dad, the man I wanted to protect, was huddled on a chair, swaying backwards and forwards. God knows what damage we’d done to him.

Maggie put her hand in my dad’s until he stopped rocking.

Eventually he looked at her. ‘You’re pretty.’

She smiled at him. Not Maggie’s usual ferocious grin that made her look about fifteen but a gentle smile that held a mix of kindness and sadness. ‘You’re not so bad yourself, Robert.’

He winked at her. My old dad, the man I’d totally failed to look after, still had the energy to wink. I didn’t think I’d ever loved him more for that little flash of spirit, the proof that inside the jumbled mass of fading connections, a bit of his steadfastness, his strength remained.

My eyes filled. Maggie pulled me into her arms. And for once, I didn’t have to hold myself in, didn’t have to stand there like a shop dummy in case I relaxed and opened the door onto something I would later have difficulty explaining away.

She shushed me like a child. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not realising. I was so desperate to belong. It was all happening right in front of me and I couldn’t see it.’ Her voice trailed away. ‘I wish you’d told me.’

‘Don’t be silly.’ I couldn’t let her blame herself for anything. I forced my words out. ‘You saved me. I didn’t know anyone could even like me any more. I should have told you. I thought you wouldn’t believe me. And I kept thinking I’d find a solution, that if I just did a few things differently, we could be happy again. It wasn’t all his fault. I wasn’t a very good wife – or mother – when Sandro was born.’

Maggie looked directly into my eyes. ‘It was all his fault. Lots of women go a bit nutty after they have babies but their husbands don’t start hurting them, undermining them so they think they’re a worthless piece of shit or having affairs with their sister-in-laws.’ She gave my arm a squeeze. ‘Let me get rid of Massimo and we’ll take it from there. I’ll come with you to take your dad home once he’s got over the shock.’