The Silent Wife(88)
‘But Ben’s okay, isn’t he?’
Dawn’s face softened. ‘He is now. He had several operations when he was little.’
‘So Massimo came round to your way of thinking?’ I felt as though I was trying to jam the last piece of a puzzle into the only remaining hole yet finding that it didn’t fit. I couldn’t remember anyone, ever, mentioning that Dawn had been pregnant. I sieved through all those conversations, with Massimo, with Anna, with Lara. I could only recall the phrase: ‘She didn’t want children.’
A fresh tear trailed down Dawn’s face. ‘He was so adamant I’d have to get rid of the baby that I walked out the day before the next scan. He’d have got his own way in the end, no one can stand up to Massimo. I just kept driving. We ended up in Newcastle. I decided he wouldn’t be able to find me there until after the baby was born.’
My head filled with images of Massimo sneering at any mention of Dawn, always pointing out how selfish she was. But here she was, right in front of me, telling me how she fought to have that baby, walked away from her life out of fear that Ben might be taken from her before he was even born.
She paused, emotion clouding her face. ‘Massimo’s not the sort of man you can have a sensible discussion with. He wouldn’t accept a child who wasn’t perfect. His way or the highway. Just like that mother of his.’
There were so many questions crowding into my mind that I couldn’t think straight. It was like attempting to find my way through a maze that didn’t actually have a path to the centre, no matter how many different routes I tried. I couldn’t marry up my amiable brother-in-law with the person Dawn was describing.
I didn’t want to think I’d been wrong about Massimo. I was examining Dawn’s story, scratching away, looking for a hole to pick in it to prove she was making the whole thing up, or at least exaggerating so wildly that if there was a grain of truth, it was so distorted as to be no longer recognisable.
Dawn moved to go. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all this on you. You must think I’m absolutely mad. It was all so long ago anyway. It’s just that Ben’s turned out to be such a lovely boy, even now I feel complete panic when I think I might have given in, never had him. Massimo just wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t even give us a chance. Typical Farinelli.’
‘Has he ever met him though?’ Massimo would be so proud of Ben, tall, good-looking and sporty with that same Italian appeal. Any parent would be.
‘No. Never. I sent him a note with a photo to let him know when Ben was born. Told him that he’d have to have several operations and they couldn’t guarantee the outcome.’
It was like watching a scary film where you wanted to know what happened next but couldn’t bear the anticipation leading up to it.
‘And?’ I was way beyond the nosey parker stage, but I had to know. Was Massimo really the sort of man who’d leave his wife to deal on her own, with his son, his own child, who might die?
‘Of course, he didn’t want to know. Hospitals aren’t really Massimo’s thing. Actually nothing unpleasant is Massimo’s thing.’
I was searching her face, raking about for clues that this was a strange tale she’d invented.
But it was as though Dawn was reading my mind. ‘I wouldn’t believe me either if I was in your position. I’ve no doubt that when you talk, Massimo stands there with his head on one side, making you feel as though what you have to say is the most interesting thing he’s ever heard. But believe me, the way he behaved over Ben was the final straw, not the starting point.’
I didn’t want to know any more. I wanted to be able to walk away and rationalise what she’d told me into something less awful, something that wouldn’t have me forever watching out for clues, signs of nasty behaviour, like an undercover cop at the heart of the family. I felt like I did when I was acting as goalie for Sam and he belted a football straight into my stomach, knocking all the air out of me. Every time I thought I’d got a handle on my new family, I’d come across another bloody skellygog in the cupboard.
And yet again, I’d have to decide whether or not to tell everyone else. I was becoming the left-luggage storage facility for family secrets, the ones with the broken zips and dodgy wheels no one wanted to reclaim.
I stood, torn between a desire to dig much deeper and to run away, kicking up a cloud of dust to blank out the new information I couldn’t now unknow.
Did Nico know? Did Lara? Anna? Were they all in on some kind of weird joke? Perhaps just Massimo knew, so ashamed of himself, he had buried it deep, hoping the rest of his family would never need to find out. I still found it difficult to accept the version of Massimo Dawn was presenting to me. The man I knew was always up for a laugh, swinging Sam onto his shoulders, ready with the jump leads whenever my knackered old Fiesta gave up the ghost.
I forced a smile. ‘He’s a lovely boy and I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible time. I don’t really know what to say.’
Dawn surprised me by giving me a huge and heartfelt hug. ‘Take care in that family. Nico is lovely but the rest are a nest of vipers. Just answer me one thing: did Massimo marry again?’
I nodded, expecting her to make some catty comment. But instead she sighed. ‘That poor, poor woman. She’s going to have an unbearable life.’
Without saying anything else, we walked out to reception, where Ben was eating great chunks of a baguette in a way that would have had Anna tutting. I tried not to stare at him, tried not to put him on weirdo woman alert, but there was absolutely no mistaking who his father was.