The Schopenhauer Cure(83)

Philip didn’t answer. He sat still as a Buddha, leaning forward in his chair, gazing at the floor.

In the deep silence following Pam’s outburst Julius wondered how best to continue. Often it was better to wait—one of his favorite therapy axioms was “strike when the iron is cold!”

Viewing therapy, as he so often did, as a sequence of emotion activation followed by integration, Julius reflected upon the abundance of emotional expression today. Perhaps too much. Time to move on to understanding and integration. Choosing an oblique route, he turned to Bonnie, “So, what about the ‘glory be!’”

“Reading my thoughts again, Julius? How do you do it? I was just thinking about that crack and regretting it. I’m afraid it came out wrong and sounded mocking. Did it?” She looked at Pam and then Philip.

“I didn’t think so at the time,” said Pam, “but yeah, looking back, there’s some mocking there.”

“Sorry,” said Bonnie. “But this boiling caldron here, you and Philip sniping, all those carom shots—I just felt relieved by the directness. And you?” she turned to Philip. “You resent my comment?”

“Sorry.” Philip continued looking down. “It didn’t register. I was only aware of the glare in her eyes.”

“Her?” said Tony.

“In Pam’s eyes.” He turned to Pam, his voice quavered for an instant, “in your eyes, Pam,”

“Okay, man,” said Tony, “now we’re rolling.”

“Were you scared, Philip?” asked Gill. “It’s not easy to be on the receiving end of that, is it?”

“No, I was entirely preoccupied in my search for some way of not allowing her glare, her words, her opinion to matter to me. I mean, Pam, your words, your opinion.”

“Sounds like you and I have something in common, Philip,” said Gill. “You’re like me—we both have our problems with Pam.”

Philip looked at Gill and nodded, perhaps a nod of gratitude, Julius thought. When it seemed clear that Philip was not going to offer more, Julius looked around the group to bring in other members. He never passed up an opportunity to widen the interaction network: with the faith of an evangelist he believed that the more members involved in the interaction, the more effective the group. He wanted to engage Pam—her outburst toward Philip was still ringing in the air. To that end, he addressed Gill and said, “Gill, you say it’s not easy to be on the receiving end of Pam’s comments…and last week you referred to Pam as the chief justice—can you say more?”

“Oh, it’s just my stuff, I know, I’m not sure and I’m not a good judge of this, but—”

Julius interrupted, “Stop! Let’s freeze the action right here. At this instant.” He turned to Pam: “Look at what Gill just said. Is that related to your saying you don’t or can’t listen to him?”

“Exactly,” said Pam. “Quintessential Gill. Look, Gill, here’s what you just announced: ‘Don’t pay any attention to what I’m about to say. It’s not important—I’m not important—it’s just my stuff. Don’t want to offend. Don’t listen to me.’ Not only do you disqualify yourself, but it is vapid. Downright tedious. Christ, Gill! You got something to say? Just stand up and say it!”

“So, Gill,” Julius asked, “if you were going to say it straight out without preamble, what would it be?” That good old conditional voice ploy.

“I’d say to her—to you, Pam—you are the judge I fear here. You sit in judgment of me. I’m uneasy—no, I’m downright terrified, in your presence.”

“That’s straight, Gill. Now I’m listening,” said Pam.

“So, Pam,” said Julius, “that’s two men here—Philip and Gill—who express fear of you. Do you have some reaction to that?”

“Yep—a big reaction: ‘That’s their problem.’”

“Any possibility that it’s also your problem?” said Rebecca. “Maybe other men in your life have felt this too.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Feedback, anyone, about this last interchange?” Asked Julius.

“I think Pam’s being a little dodgy,” said Stuart.

“I agree. I get the feeling that you’re not going to think too hard about it, Pam,” said Bonnie.

“Yep, you’re dead right. I think I’m still smarting from Rebecca saying she wanted to protect Philip from my rage.”

“It’s a dilemma, isn’t it, Pam?” said Julius. “As you just said to Gill, you value no-bullshit feedback. Yet when you get it, ouch, how it smarts.”

“That’s true—so maybe I’m not as tough as I appear. And, Rebecca, that did hurt.”

Rebecca said, “I’m sorry, Pam; that wasn’t my intention. Supporting Philip is not identical to attacking you.”

Julius waited and wondered in which direction to guide the group. There were many possibilities. Pam’s rage and judgmentalism were on the table. And what about the other men, Tony and Stuart? Where were they? And the competitiveness between Pam and Rebecca was still on the table. Or should the group deal with the unfinished business with Bonnie and her mocking statement? Or perhaps focus more on the outburst from Pam to Philip? He knew it was best to be patient; it would be a mistake to push too fast. After only a handful of meetings there had been definite progress toward détente. Maybe they had done enough today. Hard to gauge, though; Philip gave little away. But then, to Julius’s surprise, the group took an entirely unanticipated direction.