The Schopenhauer Cure(63)
“Right. But, you know, it’s not work—I like to give overviews.” Seeing Julius about to interrupt, he quickly said, “Okay, I’ll just say one thing and stop. When you left, Pam, it was a downer to me. I felt we had failed you, that we were not good enough or resourceful enough to help you with your crisis. I didn’t like that you had to turn elsewhere—to India—for help. Next.”
Bonnie quickly said, “The giant issue here was Julius’s announcement about his illness. You know all about this, Pam?”
“Yeah.” Pam nodded gravely. “Julius told me when I phoned last weekend to tell him I was back.”
“Actually,” Gill said, “I want to amend that—no offense, Bonnie—but Julius didn’t tell us. What happened was that we went out for coffee after Philip’s first meeting, and he told us since Julius had told him in an individual meeting. Julius was pretty pissed at Philip’s preempting him. Next.”
“Philip’s been here about five sessions. He’s in training to be a therapist,” said Rebecca, “and, as I understand it, Julius was his therapist many years ago.”
Tony said, “We’ve been talking about Julius’s…uh…condition and uh…”
“You mean cancer. That’s a shocking word, I know,” said Julius, “but it’s best to look it in the face and say it.”
“About Julius’s cancer. You’re one tough old bird, Julius—I gotta hand it to you.” Tony went on, “So we talked about Julius’s cancer and how hard it was to talk about other things that were small in comparison.”
Everyone had spoken but Philip, who now said, “Julius, it would be okay if you were to tell the group about why I first came to see you.”
“I’ll help, Philip, but it would be better, when you’re ready, to describe that yourself.”
Philip nodded.
When it became clear that Philip was not going to continue, Stuart said, “Okay, back to me—a second round?”
Looking around at nodding heads, Stuart continued, “In one meeting Bonnie had some reactions to Rebecca’s coming on to Philip.” Stuart stopped, looked at Rebecca, and inserted, “Rebecca’s allegedly coming on to him. Bonnie did some work on her feelings about her self-image, her sense of being unattractive.”
“And clumsiness and inability to compete with women like you, Pam, and Rebecca,” said Bonnie.
Rebecca said, “While you were away Philip made a lot of constructive comments.”
“But revealed nothing about himself,” said Tony.
“One last thing: Gill had a serious confrontation with his wife—even considered walking out,” said Stuart.
“Don’t give me too much credit—I waffled. That resolve lasted about four hours,” said Gill.
“A good review,” said Julius, looking at his watch. “Before we quit, let me ask you, Pam, how are you handling this—you feel more on board?”
“Still unreal. I’m trying to hang in, but I’m glad to stop. This is all I can deal with today,” said Pam, gathering up her things.
“I’ve got to say something,” said Bonnie. “I’m frightened. You all know I love this group, and I feel it’s ready to detonate and blow apart. Will we all be back? You, Pam? You, Philip? You guys coming back?”
“A straight question,” Philip quickly responded. “I’ll respond in kind. Julius invited me come to the group for six months, and I agreed. I also have his commitment for supervisory credit. I plan to pay my bill and honor my contract. I’m not leaving.”
“And you, Pam?” said Bonnie.
Pam stood. “This is all I can deal with today.”
As the members left, Julius heard some comments about going out for coffee. How would that work? he wondered. Would Philip be invited? He had often told the members that extragroup meetings could be divisive unless everyone was included. Then he noticed that Philip and Pam were heading toward the door on a collision trajectory. This should be interesting, he thought. Philip suddenly took note of it and, realizing that the doorway was too small for two, stopped and softly muttered “please” and stepped back to allow Pam to go through first. She strode out as if he were invisible.
22
Women, Passion, Sex
* * *
Sex does not hesitate to intrude with its trash, and to interfere with the negotiations of statesmen and the investigations of the learned. Every day it destroys the most valuable relationships. Indeed it robs of all conscience those who were previously honorable and upright.
* * *
After his mother, the next most pervasive female presence in Arthur’s life was a querulous seamstress named Caroline Marquet. Few biographical accounts of Schopenhauer fail to spotlight their 1823 midday encounter, which took place on a dimly lit Berlin stairway outside Arthur’s flat when he was thirty-five and Caroline forty-five.
On that day Caroline Marquet, living in the adjoining flat, entertained three friends. Irritated by the noisy chattering, Arthur flung open his door, accused the four women of violating his privacy since the anteroom where they stood talking was technically a part of his flat, and sternly ordered them to leave. When Caroline refused, Arthur physically forced her, kicking and screaming, from the anteroom and down the stairs. When she impertinently climbed back up the stairs in defiance, he again removed her, this time more forcefully.