The Rule of One (The Rule of One #1)(60)

I lower my arms. They feel so tired. “We’re running no matter what, Ava. Doesn’t matter if it’s here or in Canada. But if we keep quiet and stay hidden, Father has a chance.”

“A chance for what? Life in prison?” Ava advances another step. “You saw what Roth’s already done to him. Crossing the border is the only chance to save him. There’s hope on the other side.”

She stares at me for a long moment, her face knotted with angry conviction. I notice freckles that weren’t there yesterday above her flared nostrils, below her earnest eyes.

“Reviving the cause will change the future for millions of families. Not just our own. Don’t you see?”

She throws her arms north, begging me to see.

“I see a girl who wants to follow yet another person’s idea of what our lives should be,” I answer. “You’re spewing out words that were fed to you. You’re caught up in your own self-importance, actually believing that anything you do matters.”

“It matters that I try,” Ava says. “Even if we fail, at least we’ll go down showing the people they can defy the government because we ourselves have done it! With no guns, no army—just by the two of us living and existing—our family has proven that we can win.”

“This is winning? Look around you.” I point to the hundreds of metal flowers waiting to be picked. All waiting to tell me another person is dead. “This is victory?”

“Mother guided us here. She led us to Rayla and the Common. She planned all of this with Father. She must have. They both want this,” Ava insists, raising her voice as if I’m just having trouble hearing and will soon reflect her fervor. “I don’t understand! You of all people should want this.”

“Why? Because I’m the second-born? The throwaway?” I fling aside my bangs and toss back the hood of my jacket, suffocating beneath all the layers. “I don’t want any of it!” I hurl my rucksack to the ground, freeing myself from any and all burdens.

“Your guilt is blinding you.”

“My guilt?”

“For getting us caught.”

My eyes turn to slits. “Excuse me?”

She charges toward me, a single step dividing us. “You’re acting like a selfish bitch, considering you’re the one who got us caught!”

Her words detonate inside of me, and I explode toward her, releasing everything I’ve held back and locked away until now. Ava shuffle-steps backward, feeling the force of my pent-up rage.

“Are you serious? You’re the one who broke routine and made me go up for dinner! I would have never been in that greenhouse with Halton if you didn’t always push to get your way.”

Ava tries to speak, but I smother her words.

“You were always the self-anointed tyrant, lording over me, superior about being the firstborn. Ava Goodwin, bearer of our name, owner of our identity and the life-enabling microchip. You made the decision that night in the basement. It was you. You’re the reason we got caught!”

“You’re the one who drew attention to yourself!” Ava regains her ground, her voice loud enough for every four-hundred-foot wind turbine to catch and broadcast my mistake throughout the vacant, foreign land. “You kept touching your stupid wrist! You weren’t good enough—”

“You mean I wasn’t good enough being you!”

“Stop acting like the victim! We both had to play the same game, and you lost it for us.”

She pushes two steps closer, brandishing her finger in my face.

“Do you think I wanted to spend my days watching over you, making sure you were happy? Making sure I kept you alive? I knew you were our weakest player, so I indulged you and catered to you and carried you for eighteen years! I knew you’d be the one to mess it all up. So did Father.”

My rage emanates from deep within—thrums across my skin, animates my fingers, balls them into fists.

Ava presses on. “You’re the reason we’re standing here. You’re the reason Father’s imprisoned, and you’re the reason he’s going to die!”

With one violent surge I close the gap between us and thrust Ava backward, sending her flying across the ground. She lands hard, her elbows and hands taking the fall. She lifts her palms and studies the bloody scrapes and shallow gashes of her broken skin. Our broken bond.

I feel no guilt. Only the sky’s spotlight and my smoldering fury.

“Go lead yourself into an unwinnable crusade,” I spit. “I’m not following.”

Ava glares up at me from the dirt like she’s finally seeing my full evolution and hates what I’ve become.

Something other than her.

“The Guard knows we’re in Montana. They’re going to catch you,” she threatens as she rises.

I grab my rucksack. Chuck the strap over my shoulder. “I have just as good a chance to outrun them as you.”

Ava wipes her bloodstained palms against her pants. “You won’t survive without me.”

“I can. I don’t need you anymore to have a life. I have my own microchip now.”

“You’re a coward!” she screams at me.

“And you’re a fucking fool.”

I turn away from Ava and stomp toward the field’s boundary, overgrown with its clairvoyant flowers.