The Romantic Pact (Kings of Football)(31)

“Football boxer briefs? Of course you’d wear those. So douchey.”

“Hey, my mom got them for me.”

“Of course she did.” Hazel chuckles.

“Do you want to hear the rest of the story?”

“Yes, sorry. Please continue.”

Huffing, I grip the steering wheel and say, “So, I don’t know how I ended up in nothing but boxer briefs and socks, but there I was on the bar, thrusting my pelvis into the air while ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ played in the background.”

“Stop. Please tell me you were singing.”

“So off-key, you could hear dogs howl in the background. But that wasn’t the worst part.”

“No? Oh, please tell me the worst part.”

“So, this bar, it’s X-Files themed, and they have . . . paraphernalia all around. You know, like UFOs and aliens and shit like that? Well, there was this alien head that was on the top shelf of the bar. I decided that it was my time to wear it.”

“Did you fall and break all the alcohol?”

“No, that would have been better, I think. I grabbed the alien head, put it on my head, and then proceeded to take the soda gun from the bartender, drop down to my knees, and shower myself in Sprite. And when I say shower, I mean I lifted the waistband of my boxer briefs and drenched my dick in Sprite while shaking my head back and forth.”

“Oh my God . . . does this video still exist? Because I’m going to need to see that.”

“I’m sure River and Hollis both have it saved on their clouds.”

“When we get to Nuremberg, you’re going to need to text them.”

“For you, I would do it.”

“Damn right,” she says with humor.





Crew: Do you have the video of me at the bar with the alien head?

River: I have it saved on my cloud and in my Google drive.

Hollis: I made multiple copies on a thumb drive and secured it in a safety deposit box at five different banks.

Crew: Can one of you send it to me?

River: Why would you need that video? Are you losing it, man?

Crew: Hazel wants to see it.

Hollis: Hold up. Who’s Hazel?

River: Hazel sounds like a girl name. Are you in Germany with a girl?

Crew: She’s one of my best friends from my childhood. She was very close to Pops. He sent us on the trip together.

Hollis: Sounds like a love connection to me.

River: Your pops is totally setting you up.

Crew: It’s not like that. We’re friends. Good friends. Friends that have to share a bed.

River: They’re totally going to fuck.

Hollis: Yup.

Crew: We are not going to fuck.

River: Is she hot?

Crew: What does that matter?

Hollis: It doesn’t, but it’ll help us understand the timeline of when you’ll fuck.

River: He’s right.

Crew: I’m not answering that.

Hollis: Shit, she’s hot.

River: Really hot. I give it two days.

Hollis: I would consider that an accurate guess.

Crew: Just send me the damn video.

River: Sure, but if you’re thinking this video will impress her, you’re wrong.

Crew: I’m not trying to impress her.

Hollis: Oh, I get it. He’s trying to repel her so he doesn’t slip up and try to have sex with her. If she thinks he’s a fool, then there’s no chance she’ll give in to his advances.

River: Smart move. The video acting as woman repellant is clever.

Crew: Just fucking send it.

River: Cool your dick, man. Finding it now.

Hollis: River’s angle is better, but if she wants an angle of your back, let me know. I’ll send mine.

Crew: You’re such good friends. Sarcasm.

River: We know you love us.

Hollis: Kisses, boo bear.

Crew: <Middle finger emoji>





“Are you sure this is the way we go?” Hazel asks, clinging to me.

“Nope.” I laugh. “Honestly, I’ve no idea where we are.”

“Hole-on-the-wall bakery was right.”

“I think we missed a turn back there. The man at the hotel said if we saw the shoe repair shop, we went too far.” I point ahead of me. “I think that’s a shoe repair shop.”

“Well, it has shoes in it so I guess you’d be right. Honestly, I’ve never seen a shoe repair shop in person. This is going to sound awful, but I feel as if we’re in EPCOT. The music playing in the far distance, the quaint shops, and half-timbered houses with intricate detailing. It’s throwing me off.”

I turn us both around and head back down the narrow street. “You’re not alone in that thought. I was thinking the same thing. They really did pull all the details, but it makes me feel as though it isn’t real here.”

“Agreed. Walt Disney is distorting our image.”

“Damn him.” I laugh, and when we reach the fork in the road again, we take the other route, and that’s when I see the bakery. “There it is. Remember? They said there would be a maroon wooden sign hanging over the door.”

“Yes.” She stops me and faces me. “Before we go in there, can I ask you something?” She’s serious, which puts me on edge immediately.