The Romantic Pact (Kings of Football)(13)

“What better place to do it? We can have a fresh start, right here.”

He’s right. Carrying around this anger can’t possibly be good, even though I’ve done a good job at hiding it so far. I’ve caught myself a few times reverting to the deep-rooted anger that’s been weighing me down for the past few years.

“You really don’t know?” I ask, nerves fragmenting my muscles and causing my bones to shake.

“I mean, I have an idea.”

“And what would that idea be?” I twist so I’m facing him entirely now, both our trays of food ignored.

“Not coming back to the farm the past few summers.”

“That’s just a small part of it, Crew.” A very small part, but I’m not sure I’m brave enough to talk about the biggest issue. I stare down at my hands, twisting them together. “You forgot about me.”

“What? Hazel, I could never forget about you.”

“Really?” I glance up at him, my eyebrow quirked. “How many times did I email you? Only for those messages to go unanswered? After a year of no response, I just stopped writing you, and then you stopped coming back to New York for the summers. You forgot about me, Crew.”

Distressed, he pushes his hand through his hair but stays silent. Is he thinking about what might have pushed him to run? Because it’s all I can think about right now.

“As much as I love seeing you right now and think that going on this trip with you is going to be fun, I still have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe . . . I don’t know, maybe you think you’re too good to hang out with the farm girl, now that you’re this big football player.”

“Jesus, no,” he says quickly. “No, it’s not that. It’s . . . hell.” He sighs and takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. “I’m just a shit friend, Hazel. I wish I could give you a reason, but I’m a shit friend. I lost sight of a lot while training. Wanting to be the best, wanting to prove my worth on the field.” He laughs sarcastically. “Look where that got me. But I’m not ashamed of you, not by any means. You’re a fucking badass and someone who puts a smile on my face without even trying. You’re . . . hell, when you’re around, I actually feel at ease, as though I’m home. I’m so grateful you’re here with me.”

“Yeah?” I ask, feeling a smidge better.

“Yeah, and I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry I never wrote back. I did read your letters, though, and I guess . . . hell, I guess I just thought after a while, you didn’t want to hear from me because I’d been such an ass. I actually wrote a long email to you this summer after Pops passed, but I was too chicken to send it.”

“What did it say?”

He licks his lips and then takes a sip of his water. “Talked about Pops. About football. About some of the guys on my team and how I think you could throw hay bales farther than them despite them being big, burly men.”

I chuckle.

“But mainly, it said how much I missed you. Really missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Crew.” I give him a soft smile, and he reaches out and pulls me into a strong hug. His arms are familiar, but the broadness of his corded chest is new. Still warm and inviting, but new.

His hand cups the back of my head as he holds me tightly. “I’m sorry, Hazel. I swear, from here on out, I’ll never let you think you’re forgotten, ever again.”

I pull away and ask, “Do you mean that? That you’ll never forget me again?” There’s a joking tone to my voice, but my heart is one reopened wound away from bleeding.

It’s not that easy. The feelings of hurt and anguish rest heavy on my heart and they’re not going to disappear with one simple apology. Forgiveness takes time and, right now, on the airplane, it’s not the time. Not sure when the time is but this surely isn’t it. I want to believe him . . . but— “Swear on Funyuns,” he says with a boyish grin.

I clutch my chest. “That’s the holy grail of all promises.”

“It’s why I said it.”

“Okay.” Wanting this to be an easy trip and focused on Pops, not us, I say, “I guess you’re forgiven, but we’re still on a trial basis here. If you don’t measure up to the boy I used to know, then I want a refund.”

He laughs. “Don’t worry, I’m already starting to feel a little like myself. Looks like Pops knew.” He swallows hard, his voice growing thick with emotion. “Looks like he knew I just needed a little Hazel in my life again.”

Then why did you forget about me?

“Everyone needs a little Hazel.” I wink. “But thank you for apologizing. It’s going to take me a second to get my mind straight, you know, let those sad feelings dissipate, but I appreciate you apologizing. It means a lot to me.” I bite the corner of my lip and ask, “And just to verify, you’re not ashamed of me?”

“No, but I’m ashamed of myself. That’s for damn sure.”

“Okay.” I squeeze his hand and turn back to my tray. “You know I adore you, Crew, even if you were an ass ignoring me.”

“And you know I think you’re one of the best people I know, even if I’m an idiot and a shit of a friend.”

“I’m glad we agree on that.” I spear another piece of pizza and calm my racing heart. Keep it light, keep it breezy, keep it fun. “Ready for my last question?”