The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen #3)(41)

And it all began in the next room.

On a whispered prayer for courage, I open the door to the Claiming chamber. The lamplit cave of a room is smaller than I recall but just as chilly. A mosaic of blue, white, yellow, and red swirls across the tile walls. A muslin veil hangs from ceiling to floor. In front of the veil, the red line on the ground is the same, chipped and worn. I set my toes on the painted mark. I stood here blindfolded while Tarek slunk out from behind the veil and first imposed his touch on me.

All at once, I am blind again. I crumple to the floor and hug the henna pot close. Gods alive, how many girls were claimed here? How many shook in terror and shed tears? The gods had a hand in my Claiming, but how many others can say the same?

Sobs wrench out of me. I cry for Jaya, Natesa, myself, and every other ward whose future was stolen in this chamber. For how long I weep, I do not know. But my inner winter emanates into the tile floor, muddying where my misery ends and the poison begins. Finally, spent, I lie in the dimness, too heartsick and frozen to leave this tomb of innocence.

Footfalls echo through the open door, compelling me to push myself up.

Ashwin fills the doorway. He takes in my swollen eyes and red nose. “Pons told me you were here.” He enters the Claiming chamber and turns his attention to the room itself. He runs a fingertip across the colorful wall that is too cheerful for the terrible ritual held here. At the veil, he reaches for the cloth but withdraws before touching it. “I’m sorry I disagreed with you in front of the priestess. My deepest apologies for giving you the impression that I would retain the Claiming. But I wish you had discussed your motives with me before announcing your intentions. I would have approached the priestess with you, Kalinda. We could have told her we wish to do away with the Claiming as a united front.” His levelheaded explanation negates my anger, for Ashwin is not the true source of my umbrage.

“I didn’t think you’d understand.”

He stares at the chipped red line on the floor. “I’d like to try.”

I, too, want him to understand why he can never repeat his father’s actions. “Tarek claimed me here.” Devoid of tears, I am plain in my recounting. “I was blindfolded and naked. He . . . he touched me.” Ashwin’s gaze sharpens to daggers, and I amend. “My hair, mostly. The rite took only a minute, but it was the longest of my life.”

“A minute is too long to be humiliated and terrified.” Ashwin crosses the room and sits beside me, one knee against his chest. “The wards are safe. With the war, no benefactors will come to claim them.” He leans his shoulder into mine. His touch is daylight in this miserable place. “I’ll change whatever you wish about the temples. I depend on your judgment, especially now . . .” His voice collapses to a whisper. “I’m afraid my decision to unleash Udug will be our ruin.”

I grip his knee. “You had to do it.”

“I still brought this war upon us. Because of me, we may have no future. I need you . . .” He shakes his head and starts over. “I beg of you to trust me.”

“I didn’t mean to exclude you. I trust you. I do.”

Ashwin toys with the gold cuff on my wrist, his gold cuff. He curls his fingers around my arm, and his thumb grazes my pulse. His caress smolders into me, lessening the constant cold, and I sink into his body. His mouth steadily lowers to mine and he says, “You came into my life like a star, the answer to all my wishes.”

He rubs his lips lightly over my own. Heat sparks between us. I lift my chin, yearning for more. He clutches at my waist, and delicious warmth sears into me. My mind goes fuzzy, like I am stretching out in a pool of sunlight.

This feels so right.

No, more than right. Necessary.

I drag him closer. Ashwin inclines me back, lowering me to the floor, and presses his body against mine. I splay my hands across his shoulders, and a vision overwhelms me.

Ashwin and I live in the Turquoise Palace. We sleep in late and stay up into the night. We take our meals in his private atrium and rule our people from twin thrones. I bear him an heir, a son, a Burner who will someday rule the empire justly and with compassion for his people, an example set by his father. Ashwin loves his son as much as he loves me. He defers to me in all things and honors me before his court of wives and courtesans.

I am his singular favorite, his kindred and only love.

The strong image is irrefutable. But it is not mine. The palace looks different than I remember. A fine duplicate but missing details that authenticate the vision. The vivid picture transitions.

Ashwin and I are entangled in the sheets of an enormous bed. He wants more heirs. He wants me.

“Marry me,” he whispers against my lips.

His hand slides up the back of my tunic. Before I can stop the vision from returning, we are in a bed once more in my mind’s eye. Ashwin’s hand creeps higher, tugging up my tunic, both in the Claiming chamber and in the palace. I want him to stop, but I am locked in two realities.

No.

I’m not in the palace, and this is not my dream. My dreams always include Jaya and Deven.

Always.

He kisses across my cheek, down my neck. “Marry me, Kalinda. Be my kindred. Fulfill my heart’s wish.” He nibbles at my throat. I push him away and leave my hands against his chest to prevent him from coming closer. His complexion is flushed and his lips damp. His hooded eyes still project the dream that played inside my head.