The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen #3)(16)

Traveled by shadow. Ashwin once told me that when the day was made, so was the night. When man was made, so was his shadow. The Void dwells in darkness, and life dwells in light. Can spirits in the Void, both living and dead, travel into the mortal realm so long as they stay in the dark? Is that how Tarek came to me? “I never understood how Inanna’s intended visited her.”

“Numerous sources cite that mortals trapped in the Void are confined to the dark. They can visit our world at night, but they must return to the realm below during the day. Inanna spent every night with her intended. But she could not bear to leave him in the dark for eternity, so she descended below to find him and came upon the first of seven gates. Each guardian required a toll for her passage and to point her in the right direction. Inanna paid with the clothing and adornments of her wedding attire. After the final gate, her torchlight went out. Inanna feared she would be lost in the dark forever, but she sensed her intended was close by. Following the promptings of her heart, she found him near death. She had to get him out, but she could not see the way. Inanna cried up to the gods, but none would listen except the fire-god Enlil, who had a weakness for mortal women. He took pity on Inanna and sent her an ever-burning ember to light their path back to the mortal realm.”

Ashwin skims his finger under my chin. His voice gentles between us, a silky caress. “Love bound Inanna and her intended together and gave them direction in the dark. If their love can overcome the Void, so can yours bind you to Jaya in this life and the next.”

Tears blur my sight. I did not think a tale could lessen my sorrow, but Ashwin’s storytelling and assurances soothe me.

The mood between us shifts. The intent of his touches changes from comfort to one of need. His hug becomes more for him than me, and his heart beats faster.

I should pull back. Push him away. But his nearness calms the blizzard inside me. I am not parching his soul-fire. He is bequeathing it to me.

Ashwin settles his forehead against mine, his gaze trained on my mouth. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and my stomach bubbles like hot springs. His breath smells of cinnamon. A craving for more of him ripples out in a wave. How much warmer would I feel with his lips on me? I tip up my chin and wait for more of his light.

“Kali,” Deven says.

He stands in the doorway, his emotions progressing from disbelief to hurt. Ashwin’s arms fall from around me, and my teeth clack together, snapping me back into focus.

Deven crosses the chamber and throws Ashwin to the floor. “You have no honor! You’re taking advantage of her loyalty!”

His fury shocks me. He rarely reacts without forethought or context. “Deven! I was upset and—and Ashwin found me.” I reach for him, but he brushes me aside.

Natesa and Yatin run in from the other room in their nightclothes and draw up straight.

Ashwin shuffles back from Deven on his elbows. “Kalinda is aware of her actions. I’m not forcing her to stay with me. This is her choice.”

Deven leans over Ashwin and grabs the front of his tunic. “Keep your hands off her.”

Ashwin yanks himself from Deven’s grasp. “Touch me again, General, and I’ll have you imprisoned.”

“Both of you stop it!” I say.

“I’m not your general,” Deven grits out. “I won’t serve a man I don’t respect.”

“Deven,” I breathe. “You don’t mean that.”

He retreats from Ashwin, his arms and fists bunched. “I serve you. But if you continue to align yourself with this boy . . .”

“You’ll denounce me too?” The challenge slips out of me testier than I intended. But the thought of him coming between Ashwin and me . . . I need Ashwin’s warmth.

Deven draws up to his full height. “My apologies, my queen. You’re free to do as you wish.”

He revolves and marches out.

“Deven, wait!” I hurry after him, but he whisks ahead. In my effort to keep up, my limp worsens. We venture down corridor after corridor, and I quickly lose my bearings. I ignore the pain in my leg for as long as possible, but when he is nearly out of sight, I double over. “Deven, please.”

He pauses and stares over his shoulder at me, his flinty expression split by shadows. “How long have you and the prince . . . ?”

“We became friends in Iresh,” I say. “What was said at supper about us was for the datu. He’ll aid the empire so long as he thinks Ashwin and I are committed.”

“Then what was that just now? Were you practicing your commitment?”

“That was . . .” A mistake. But my excuses will only serve to bruise him more deeply. Telling him Ashwin’s closeness acts as a balm for my wounds is ridiculous. I cannot understand the oddity of our connection myself.

“Are you in love with him?” Deven questions, eerily calm.

I hug my torso, trying to strangle the cold inside me. My need for heat is paramount, unquenchable. For whatever reason, Ashwin answers that necessity. I cannot deny he has some hold over me. “No, but we . . . we need each other.”

Deven drops his chin, his jaw twitching. “I told you once that I won’t stand by while you spend every meal, every public showing, at another man’s side. I told you I want you by my side, and I still do.”

“And I still want to be there.”

He lifts his gaze and searches me for sincerity. I meant what I said. He must see that. But bleakness enters his voice. “I won’t interfere again. When you decide what you want, I’ll be waiting.”