The Retreat(55)

That left Julia – but the thought of telling her I’d hired a private detective to investigate Lily’s disappearance, and informing her the detective hadn’t found anything concrete, filled me with dread. On the other hand, I felt closer to her again after the sighting of Megan and trip to her house. Surely Julia would understand my intentions were good and that I’d kept it from her because I didn’t want to get her hopes up.

The truth was, I had no idea how she would react. But I made up my mind. I owed it to her to tell her, and to stop keeping secrets. And maybe, just maybe, she could help me figure it all out.

‘Hello. I didn’t see you sneak in.’

I whirled round. ‘Julia.’

‘Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump. Do you want dinner?’ I floundered, which made her laugh. ‘It’s all right. You don’t have to answer straight away. Oh, I’ve got something for you.’

I followed her into the kitchen, where she opened a drawer and fished out a small object.

It was the pen Priya had given me. I turned it over in my hands, relief washing over me. I’d convinced myself that I’d lost it. I was tempted to kiss it.

I looked up to see Julia smiling at me. ‘Why is it so special?’ she asked.

‘Because of who gave it to me.’

‘Oh?’

Julia didn’t know about Priya. Since arriving at the retreat, I hadn’t found an opportunity to bring it up – to let her know we had something awful in common – without it seeming as if I was saying ‘me too’. Now was the perfect time to tell her, but first I asked, ‘Where did you find it?’

She hesitated. ‘Do you promise not to cause a scene?’

‘What? Did someone have it? Was it Ursula?’

She sighed. ‘Calm down, Lucas. No, it wasn’t Ursula. I found it in Max’s room—’

‘What?’

‘—when I was changing the bedding, under the pillow.’ Before I could get angry, she hurriedly said, ‘I already asked him about it. He said he had no idea what it was doing there. He thinks he might have picked it up by mistake the night Ursula arrived. He said he has a couple of similar pens.’

‘But why was it under his pillow? Also, I’m sure I didn’t take it out of my room.’

‘You’re not one hundred per cent sure, though, are you?’

I rubbed my forehead. I was mentally exhausted, still shocked by what had happened to Shirley, and Zara’s absence was playing on my mind. ‘No. I suppose it’s possible I brought it downstairs. But what about my phone? I’m sure someone was in my room that night . . .’

Julia tilted her head. ‘What? You didn’t tell me about that.’

I rubbed my forehead. I was getting confused, forgetting that although I’d told Julia about my things going missing, only Suzi knew about my nocturnal intruder.

‘Lucas, are you okay? You look shattered.’

She touched my upper arm and her hand lingered there. It was warm. I had the urge to pull her closer. To kiss her. Take her to bed and lose myself in her. In that moment, despite the exhaustion that threatened to suck me under, there was nothing else I would rather do. And I was sure, from the way she was looking at me, and how she didn’t remove her hand, that she could feel it. The air between us was thick, heavy with unspoken words. I lay my hand on top of hers, held her palm against my triceps.

Max came through the door.

‘Oops,’ he said. ‘Didn’t mean to interrupt.’

Julia snatched her hand away.

Max saw the pen in my hand. ‘Sorry about the weird mistake, old chap. I’m always picking up other people’s pens. Terrible habit.’

Everything that had happened today, all the stress, including the shattered sexual tension – it combined to make the room lurch around me. I pointed a finger at Max. ‘You took it, you arsehole! You came into my room and stole it!’

He stared at me.

‘I bet you’ve got my phone too, haven’t you? Come on, tell me – where is it?’

‘I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.’

‘Have you been going through it?’ I jabbed a finger at him. ‘Trying to find something you could use against me? Oh Jesus, I bet it was you who told Ursula about Priya. You fucking arsehole!’

Out of the corner of my eye, through a pinkish mist, I could see Julia, her mouth open with shock.

‘You’re a jealous, snobbish, has-been loser!’ I spat.

Max sneered. ‘Jealous? Of the tripe you churn out? You’re not even a proper writer. You’re just a hack. No one will read your books in five years, but mine will live on long after I’m gone.’

The mist was dark red now. ‘After you’re gone?’ I jabbed a finger at him. ‘That might be sooner than you think, you fucking—’

‘Lucas!’

It was Julia. She had hold of both my arms now, and held me still like I was a child. ‘Calm down.’

I heard Suzi say, ‘Has he been drinking?’ I hadn’t heard her enter the room.

‘Come on,’ Julia said. ‘Let’s find you something to eat.’

I shook my head. ‘I’m not hungry. I’m going up to my room.’

I could feel them all watching me as I headed up. The walls swam around my head; the stairs felt like they were made of foam.