The Red Hunter(70)

I could have abandoned myself. I could have succumbed to the aftermath of trauma, not sought help, sunk into depression and despair, and let those things darken the rest of my life. Instead, I clawed myself back into the light. It wasn’t easy. It took time. And the road is winding, with lots of switchbacks and dark patches, even now.

But, likewise, I won’t abandon this house. In fact, maybe we found our way to each other for a reason. Maybe we were meant for each other.

Meanwhile, lots of drama with R. The specter of her biology haunts us. Over the years, many of you have encouraged me to face the truth, whatever it is. Especially now that it’s what my daughter wants, many of you feel that it’s time. I’ve been stubborn. And I just realized that I’m doing what I said I would never do. I’m allowing a dark corner to stay unlit. I have been choosing the dark place of ignorance. And my reasons are selfish. If it turns out that my daughter is my rapist’s child, then—would I have to find a way to love him? Because even in the hatefulness and the horror of his actions, didn’t he give me the most important and beautiful gift of my life? How hard it will be to accept that. How deeply we resist forgiving someone who hurt and violated us, how impossible to imagine loving them. But it’s not just about me. I have decided that if it’s what my daughter really wants, she can have the test. And maybe this is a step forward on my journey, too. Maybe the truth will light the way toward true and total release and forgiveness. Because I will have to help R embrace her biology, and to do that, I will have to embrace it, as well. Jeez. Heavy.

I will move forward and help this house move on, too. We will embrace our past and, in doing so, create a better future. We can make this place a home for us, and be a home for the house, as well. A renovation and rebirth for all of us.


“MOM,” SAID RAVEN FROM BEHIND her. “You can’t publish that.”

Raven had been standing behind her for quite some time, which Claudia barely noticed because it was the usual state of affairs.

She turned to look at her daughter. “Too personal?”

“No,” Raven said. “Well, yeah, but what else is new? I mean about the money.”

“What about it?”

Raven threw up her hands. “Mom! Think about it! People are going to read that, and even more weirdoes are going to come out here.”

The kid had a point.

“But there’s no money,” said Claudia. “No one knows it’s us, or where the property is.”

“You really don’t know that,” said Raven. “What if someone does know? It wouldn’t be hard for locals to make the connection.”

“Okay,” she said. “How about I call that guy Josh, and he helps us look in the basement, move some of the bigger things we can’t budge.”

“No! Are you crazy?” Raven said. “Then everyone in this one-horse town will know about it.”

“So what? Everyone does know about it. Everyone knew except me.”

“Okay, just think about it,” said Raven. A lot of times Raven seemed to be summoning her patience, much as Claudia used to do when her daughter was an intractable toddler. “What if, just if, the money is down there?”

She stared at Raven. What if it was down there? A million dollars. Troy was standing behind Raven now, leaning on the door frame, holding his eternal smartphone.

“We wouldn’t want anyone to know about that, right?” said Raven.

“We’d have to call the police,” said Claudia. “Of course.”

“Money that belonged to a drug dealer?” asked her daughter, looking incredulous. “Why? So the police could return it to him?”

“The money,” said Troy, raising his hand as if he were giving an answer in class. “If it’s down there, is evidence in the case of the murdered police officer and his wife. They would probably test it for DNA. It might lead to the solving of a crime. Right?”

Claudia and Raven both stared.

“What?” said Troy, shrugging. “You don’t watch Criminal Minds?”

“Also,” said Raven. “Those men who were looking for it and didn’t find it and who are still out there? Maybe they hear about it. And they come back. Maybe they think what we think. That it’s still there.”

Claudia blew out a breath.

“Okay,” she said. “I don’t post the blog. I don’t call the police. I don’t call the handyman. Then what do we do?”

Troy and Raven exchanged a look. “Come back downstairs with us.”

? ? ?

“SO,” SAID TROY.

They were back in the basement. He was reclining on one of the boxes, his back against the wall, staring at his phone. “It says here that some historic properties in Lost Valley and surrounding areas have tunnels and hidden rooms, and might have been part of the Underground Railroad,” said Troy, turning the phone so that Claudia could see.

She squinted at the phone but couldn’t really see without her glasses.

“Most of the properties have already been discovered,” he went on. “But what year was this house built?”

“The original structure was built in 1855,” said Claudia. “But it’s been remodeled a number of times since then.”

She was embarrassed to admit that was all she knew about it. She remembered her father saying that the house was “unexceptional” but that the land was worth something, which was why he’d bought it. That word had stayed with her; maybe that’s why she hadn’t done more research.