The Psychopath: A True Story(40)

Mischele: ‘Neither one of them have moved on since.’

Will: ‘Well, they’ve both kind of done [waves his hand back and forth], but like I said, I am not a fountain of information.’

(All the stuff Will Jordan said about me was nonsense. Ridiculously though, the thing that annoyed me the most wasn’t his outrageous accusation that not only was I complicit in his plan and married him knowing he was already married with children, nor that I had ‘multiples of seven figures’ of his money and owned at least one house that he had paid for. The thing that irritated me was his saying that I was the ‘black sheep’ of the family, having dropped out of school with no qualifications, become a ‘groupie’ and got pregnant from sleeping around. Especially as I am a learning junkie and have two degrees and several business diplomas to my name – my first degree being in music. I wasn’t a ‘groupie’, I was one of the musicians!)

After that, Will started to talk about being able to disappear, having contacts and preparing to step into a new life if he needed to. He talked in practical terms about what you needed to do to achieve that.

Mischele asked about the other American victims, and what had happened when he disappeared for four years (from July 2010 to 2014). He just said he was on his own, four years without sex, so that he could change his name and social security number, change his identity and disappear from scrutiny. But then he had met Mischele and they had just clicked.

He said: ‘Because – it’s a click! [Hands outstretched] Like . . . no different than when I talk about Mary. I wasn’t looking. That’s what she turned out to be. There were Marys before, there were none after her. I wasn’t looking for that, I didn’t expect that. And I don’t think life just completely gives you what you want when you just wait for it. I think sometimes . . . You know, you’re a very special person. And if you look at us, it was very difficult actually trying to be clear with that because I genuinely had to deal with a karma check. Because you had things you were going through, and I – and I really had to do that kind of karma check.’

They briefly talked about Mischele’s divorce and then Mischele brought the subject back round.

Mischele: ‘Like I said, I have a lot of “whys” more than anything. And I appreciate hearing your side of the story, like you have no idea how much I appreciate all this. I do, I really, really do, because, like I said, I’m trying to find my own course in this whole thing.’

Will: ‘And I’m purposely trying to – really a good picture – a good – as bad a picture as – I was bad – to deny that means to deny who I am. Because you can’t appreciate this if you don’t know the past.’

Mischele: ‘Because like, I’m still trying to figure out who you are. Who we are.’

Will: ‘I’m the same person as when you met me. We are the same couple that we were. And . . . I know it’s gonna sound condescending and it’s really not meant to be, it’s true. If you really were very lucky in life, you will never have to walk in the shoes that put you in the position where you have to do things. Because when you live life the right way, do things the right way, treat people the way you should treat them . . . you don’t wind up in places where you’re forced to do that. That’s the truth. That’s the God’s honest truth.

‘We can’t get this time back, it’s gone.’

Mischele: ‘And that’s exactly how I feel, it’s like . . . because like, I feel like I have – my perspective is like I feel like I have been amazing to you in the last year, and I feel like you shit on me.’

Will: ‘And that would be inappropriate, especially given what you have . . .’

Mischele: ‘And it feels yucky. Honestly, so look . . . it really has taken a lot to not just go “fuck you”, punch you in the face and walk away. Because trust me, I’ve thought about it. But it’s like . . .’

Will: ‘And I would’ve expected it, dealt with it, and then . . . at the end of the day, no one could fault you for . . .’

Mischele: ‘Because it’s like, the last couple of months it’s been very difficult!’

Will started asking about the time, but the tape is muffled and I can’t work out exactly what he was saying.

Mischele: ‘I have no idea. Uhh . . . [picks up phone to check time] Two.’

Will: ‘OK . . . uh, I need to go. But I get it, you don’t have to blame others for the past. That’s your bit of – and having to decide what’s important, how it’s important.’

Mischele: ‘And like I said, that’s why I want to . . . hear you out before I come up with a final conclusion. Because I feel like I owe myself that. Because I – that whole thing with my ex, I feel like I shoved it through . . . superfast. And then I introduced you into the lives of my kids, my mom, my grandmother, my colleagues . . . and completely incorporated you, and didn’t even get half of that in return. Because you always kept me at a distance, and you like . . . denied me the communication and stability that I begged and begged and begged you for.’

Will: ‘Which again, I feel that – at the time, I thought I had to do. And explained why. And even if you don’t agree, at least you’ve got perspective to understand from now. And you can forget it that way. In terms of your family, in terms of the kids, things like that – yeah.’