The Poet X(3)

The Last Word on Being Born to Old Parents


You will learn to hate it.

No one, not even your twin brother, will understand the burden

you feel because of your birth; your mother has sight for nothing but you two and God;

your father seems to be serving a penance, an oath of solitary silence.

Their gazes and words

are heavy with all the things

they want you to be.

It is ungrateful to feel like a burden.

It is ungrateful to resent my own birth.

I know that Twin and I are miracles.

Aren’t we reminded every single day?





Rumor Has It,


Mami was a comparona:

stuck-up, they said, head high in the air, hair that flipped so hard

that shit was doing somersaults.

Mami was born en La Capital, in a barrio of thirst buckets who wrote odes to her legs, but the only man Mami wanted was nailed to a cross.

Since she was a little girl Mami wanted to wear a habit, wanted prayer and the closest thing to an automatic heaven admission she could get.

Rumor has it, Mami was forced to marry Papi; nominated by her family

so she could travel to the States.

It was supposed to be a business deal, but thirty years later, here they still are.

And I don’t think Mami’s ever forgiven Papi for making her cheat on Jesus.

Or all the other things he did.





Tuesday, September 4





First Confirmation Class


And I already want to pop the other kids right in the face.

They stare at me like they don’t got the good sense— or manners—I’m sure their moms gave them.

I clip my tongue between my teeth

and don’t say nothing, don’t curse them out.

But my back is stiff and I’m unable to shake them off.

And sure, Caridad and I are older

but we know most of the kids from around the way, or from last year’s youth Bible study.

So I don’t know why they seem so surprised to see us here.

Maybe they thought we’d already been confirmed, with the way our mothers are always up in the church.

Maybe because I can’t keep the billboard frown off my face, the one that announces I’d rather be anywhere but here.





Father Sean


Leads the confirmation class.

He’s been the head priest at La Consagrada Iglesia as long as I been alive,

which means he’s been around forever.

Last year, during youth Bible study, he wasn’t so strict.

He talked to us in his soft West Indian accent, coaxing us toward the light.

Or maybe I just didn’t notice his strictness because the older kids were always telling jokes, or asking the important questions we really wanted to know the answers to: “Why should we wait for marriage?”

“What if we want to smoke weed?”

“Is masturbation a sin?”

But confirmation class is different.

Father Sean tells us we’re going to deepen our relationship with God.

“Of your own volition you will accept him into your lives.

You will be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit.

And this is a serious matter.”

That whole first class, I touch my tongue to the word volition, like it’s a fruit I’ve never tasted

that’s already gone sour in my mouth.





Haiku


Father Sean lectures

I wait for a good moment

whispering to C:





Boys


X: You make out with any boys while you were in D.R.?

C: Girl, stop. Always talking about some boys.

X: Well if you didn’t kiss nobody, why you all red in the face?

C: Xiomara, you know I didn’t kiss no boy.

Just like I know you didn’t.

X: Don’t look at me like that. I’m not proud of the fact

that I still ain’t kiss nobody. It’s a damn shame, we’re almost sixteen.

C: Don’t say damn, Xiomara. And don’t roll your eyes at me either. You won’t even be sixteen until January.

X: I’m just saying, I’m ready to stop being a nun. Kiss a boy,

shoot, I’m ready to creep with him behind a stairwell and let him feel me up.

C: Oh God, girl. I really just can’t with you.

Here, here’s the Book of Ruth. Learn yourself some virtue.

X: Tsk, tsk. You gonna talk about this in a church,

then take his name in vain. Ouch!

C: Keep talking mess. I’m going to do more than pinch you.

I don’t know why I missed you.

X: Maybe because I make you laugh more than your

stuffy-ass church mission friends?

C: I can’t with you. Now, stop worrying about kissing and boys.

I’m sure you’ll figure it out.





Caridad and I Shouldn’t Be Friends


We are not two sides of the same coin.

We are not ever mistaken for sisters.

We don’t look alike, don’t sound alike.

We don’t make no damn sense as friends.

I curse up a storm and am always ready to knuckle up.