The Perfect Girlfriend(66)

‘We weren’t together for long enough.’

Neither one of us speaks much as we pull away from the village and follow the main roads back in the direction of London.

Nate looks out the window, as though lost in thought.

‘Do you ever think about your schooldays?’ I ask.

‘In what way?’

‘Did you enjoy them?’

‘On the whole.’

‘I didn’t enjoy mine.’

‘Well, you had a lot going on in your life. It’s understandable, I guess.’

‘Did you sneak off for cigarettes? Or smuggle in illicit drink? Have parties?’

He looks at me. ‘Only the organized events – dances at the end of each term, those sort of things. Then the summer and winter balls, of course. Everyone smoked and drank at some point. Why?’

‘Just wondering.’ I pause. ‘Going back to the area, it always brings back memories for me. Did you have many girlfriends?’

‘Not that many.’

I look at him – to see if he’s going to add anything – but he turns his head towards the window and disappears back into his own private thoughts.

And I disappear into mine.

I stop at the motorway services for lunch.

We stand in a long queue whilst I stare through the glass counter at the sandwiches, muffins and cakes decorated pumpkin orange or with spiders and witches. I can’t face the thought of food, but I choose a packet of crisps to have with my coffee. We have to share a table with an elderly couple, as the place is crammed.

When they finish their coffees and leave, Nate waits until he finishes his ham and mustard sandwich before making an attempt at conversation.

‘It must’ve been awful for you and your family.’

‘It was hard.’ I pause, struggling for the right words. ‘Devastating.’

He reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. ‘Is that why your parents split up?’

‘It probably would’ve happened anyway – my father was away a lot – but maybe their grief played its part. My mother was always fond of her drink, even before.’ I pause, realizing that it might make me less attractive. ‘It’s not hereditary,’ I add, even though he can’t really say much. ‘I’ve read loads on the subject.’

I remove my hand from his. His attempt at sympathy is strangely discomforting. I know that Nate has issues with his parents. His mum can be a bit cold, and his father is impatient; he’d always told Nate and Bella that ‘second best was never an option’. However, Nate is probably comparing his to mine right now and realizing that he has no valid issues.

None whatsoever.

‘I’m sorry that all that happened to you. Were you offered help? Counselling? That sort of thing?’

I shake my head.

‘The thing is, I still don’t follow what this has to do with our predicament.’ His tone softens.

Here we go. His next sentence proves my fear.

‘Knowing about your brother . . .’ he pauses before continuing, no doubt summoning up all the tact he can manage, ‘well, it doesn’t change what needs to be done.’

‘We were good together. Why did you spend time with me in Vegas if you couldn’t bear to be near me again?’

‘Lily, I like you. You’re attractive and can be fun. But there’s a huge difference between hanging out with someone and making a life-changing commitment. That’s why what happened between us feels wrong.’ He pauses, as though he is carefully choosing how to phrase his next words.

I interrupt. ‘I know what you’re going to say, but why won’t you give us one more chance?’

He opens his mouth to speak, but I silence him by raising my palm.

‘I haven’t finished. I’ve bought a place fairly near yours and I’m moving in soon. All I’m asking is that you give me six weeks. Six weeks of socializing – as friends, if you like. Taking things slowly. Then if, after that, you still feel the same, you have my word that I will let you go for good and you won’t even know I’m your neighbour.’

He doesn’t reply.

‘Well?’

‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘No.’

‘Why near me? You could live anywhere. Anywhere. What about Nice, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Dublin? So many crew do. You should take advantage of having a job that allows you to do that.’

‘Why don’t you live abroad?’

‘Because Richmond is where I chose to live. Me. By myself. Nothing to do with anyone else. Of all the places, you did not have to choose my area.’

‘Six weeks, that’s all I’ve asked for.’

‘And then what? You’ll up sticks just like that?’

‘Well, I don’t know about that, I could lose a lot of money. We’ll see. But I can promise to leave you alone.’

‘Can I have that in writing?’ he says in a tone that doesn’t sound as if he’s joking.

‘If you don’t trust me.’

Like I’m going to do that.

Nate helps me move into my new flat. Even though I get the feeling it’s because he wants to keep an eye on me and my new home – which is a strange role reversal – I take advantage. After all, he was happy enough to help me move to Reading in the first place.