The Other Black Girl(113)
Nella swallowed, suddenly understanding, suddenly aware of that magnetic force that was turning her head toward Hazel. It was the last thing she wanted to do. But she had no choice. She took three slow, deep breaths. Then, she lifted her eyes up from the table to meet Hazel’s. What she saw was exactly what she’d expected: a look of smug, unbridled triumph.
Nella started to cough, the dryness starting up again. “Um,” she said, standing, “will you all just… excuse me for a moment? I have to…”
“Go ahead, Nella,” said Richard.
Vera was already asking about Jesse’s favorite books as Nella hustled out the door. She paused long enough to hear him say, almost indignantly, “Infinite Jest.”
There was a whoop of approval. Richard. That was all it took to propel everyone into a feverish frenzy of agreement, the echoes of their high-pitched squawks hounding Nella all the way down the hall.
* * *
Nella stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror above the sink, taking inventory of what stared back at her. The melatonin she’d swallowed the night before left her feeling more rested than she had in weeks. Her blazer worked well with the opal earrings her father had sent her as a congratulations for getting a job at Wagner in the first place. Even her curls were looking extra springy, darting out every which way from her head in an orderly, moisturized fashion.
But everything felt wrong.
Nella reached for the faucet and began filling her palms up with cool water. Cold showers weren’t normally her thing, but today her clammy forehead found comfort in the splash of the liquid. It felt good the second time, so she did it a third, too. She was reaching for the paper towel dispenser, drops of water still blurring her vision, when she felt something nudge her hip. “I got you.”
Nella blinked a few times. When she opened them, she was presented with Hazel, wide-eyed and grinning and clutching a bunch of paper towels in her hand.
Nella looked from the towels to the knowing gleam in Hazel’s eye to the towels again.
“Take them. Your face is dripping wet, girl.”
Nella regarded the paper towels warily. “Thanks,” she finally said, taking the paper towels and wiping her face.
“You’re welcome.” Hazel walked over to the counter and inspected it for wet spots before leaning back against it. “What’s going on, Nell? You seemed really jittery in there.”
“I’m fine.”
Hazel gave her a once-over. Nella returned the gesture, noticing Hazel had also decided to pick a blazer for their Jesse meeting—the same powder-blue one that Nella had run her fingers over just the night before.
“You know… I’ve been looking forward to this meeting for a while. And I know you have, too. That’s the only reason why I can imagine you’re still here.”
Nella’s body went rigid. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you wouldn’t have come to work today if you didn’t want to take a stab at Jesse Watson.”
“What?” Nella asked, feigning ignorance, because of course that had been the plan she and Malaika had come up with the night before: Meet Jesse. Show Jesse everything Nella had on her phone. Then leave Wagner with Jesse, and never look back. “Why wouldn’t I have come to work today?”
“I think I’m being too nice here. Let me put it this way.” Hazel crossed her arms. “You shouldn’t have come to work today, Nella. You should’ve quit. We don’t need to keep you around anymore.”
Nella opened her mouth to protest, but Hazel added, “And no, Richard doesn’t really value you. That was bullshit. He was just saying what you wanted to hear. He’s only been keeping you here to keep an eye on you.
“Plus, now that he knows that you know…”
“He knows I know what?”
“Stop it,” Hazel barked. “Don’t play dumb. Don’t act like you don’t know. You were snooping in my bedroom. Do you think I’m that stupid? Seriously—after all this time?” She snorted. “I wanted you to find those files. I wanted you to find them, because I wanted to see what you would do. I wanted to see what choice you would make. And now, here you are.”
Nella felt humiliated. Her stomach took a trip to her toes as she contemplated her next move. But she didn’t have time to actually make one. Suddenly, Hazel was right up in her face, jabbing a fingernail into her clavicle. The strong, overpowering smell of her cocoa butter hair grease burned Nella’s nostrils. “I know it was a pretty big gamble on my part, because you could have opened your mouth and blabbed about it to Shani. But we handled that.
“And before you even think about telling anyone,” Hazel snarled, her smooth, buttery-nougat voice shape-shifting into something completely unrecognizable, “nobody would believe you. Everyone would think you’re insane.”
“And I would agree with them,” Nella shot back, putting a hand to her temple. There were so many things spinning around in her head; there was so much she wanted to know. But she was too stunned to ask anything other than “Did those girls agree to this on their own?”
Hazel still hadn’t backed off, so Nella could see the tiny twitch of incomprehension work its way into her eyebrow piercing.
“The girls. The ones on your lists. They all asked to be a part of this—whatever it is?”