The Nowhere Girls(95)

“Where are your parents?” she says.

“Both at work,” he says. “It was nice of you to come check on me.”

“I was worried about you.” Amber scoots closer so their legs are touching. She stares at him, waiting for him to meet her eyes so she can give him the look, but his eyes are on the TV.

“I never realized the ocean was so cool,” he says. “My interests have always been with history and current events and figuring out why people do things, but I guess science can be pretty fascinating too.”

“Oh, really?” Amber says. Guys love it when you act interested in what they’re saying.

“Yeah, like this Humboldt squid is supposed to be as smart as a dog. And it doesn’t even have a spine!”

Otis is different, yes. But he is still a boy, and as far as Amber knows, he is a boy who likes girls. He speaks the language of boys. It is a language Amber knows. It is the thing she does well. People act like this is something to be ashamed of. But when you get right down to it, everybody’s playing the same games.

Amber leans over Otis and grabs the remote control from the side table. She presses her breasts against his chest, just briefly, just long enough to make him gasp. She turns the TV off. She places her hand softly on his unbruised cheek. “Does it hurt?” she whispers.

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out. His eyes are wide. He is still trying to figure out what she is doing. Amber thinks he must not be used to girls like her, girls who speak his body’s language, girls who know what he wants.

She leans in closer. She can feel his chest breathing against hers. Amber’s lips are close to his ear, her hand on his knee, his thigh, inside, higher. She knows exactly what boys want. What men want. They have taught her.

“Stop,” he says, springing up so quickly Amber falls backward on the couch. “What are you doing?”

“I like you, Otis,” she says. “Don’t you like me?” She reaches for him but he backs away.

“As a friend,” he says. “I like you as a friend. That’s it.”

“I can be more than a friend.”

“I’m not interested in you that way, Amber.”

“It’s okay, Otis,” Amber says. “It’s not like I need you to call me your girlfriend or anything. We can have fun, that’s all. We can have a good time.”

Otis tries to back away, but his legs knock against the coffee table. He is trapped.

“I’m in love with someone else,” he says. “I don’t want to be with you.”

Amber sees something dark in his eyes. He is looking at her like she never thought he could—with pity.

“Who’s the lucky girl?” she says. She can feel herself harden. She can feel herself turn. She is becoming the other Amber—the bitch, the one everyone hates.

“Erin DeLillo,” he says, with a completely straight face.

“You can’t be serious,” Amber laughs.

“I am very serious.”

“So that’s your thing, then?” she says. “Some guys like big tits, some guys like black girls. I guess your thing is retards.”

“Don’t you dare call her that,” he snaps. “She’s smarter than both of us combined.”

“No, it’s cool. I get it. I’m not your type. You can only get it up for retards.”

“What is wrong with you?” The look on his face reminds Amber who she is, who she’s always been, who she always will be. Amber was wrong about Otis. He’s nothing special. He’s just like the rest of them.

“Leave,” he says. “You need to leave right now.”

She feels a sick satisfaction as she walks away, a comfortable inevitability settling in her stomach. The universe is in order. She knocked him off his pedestal. He’s no prince. He’s no different from the others, the innumerable, uncountable others. He is one more who says “What is wrong with you?” and looks at her with disgust and tells her to leave.

Amber doesn’t bother closing the front door behind her. She keeps walking even though she doesn’t know where she’s going.

Amber can’t believe how stupid she was. How stupid to think things could change, that someone like Otis could like her, that she could ever be friends with those girls, that there was a place for her in their stupid secret club. Fuck Erin for getting the only good guy in the school, and fuck her little weirdo friends. Fuck that Mexican dyke and that fat bitch Grace, who thinks she’s so smart. Fuck Grace for tricking Amber into coming to that meeting. Fuck those girls for starting this whole thing in the first place.

If things had just stayed the way they were, Amber never would have made a fool of herself with Otis. She wouldn’t have even considered it. She would have just kept doing what she was doing. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, maybe it wasn’t a great life, but at least she didn’t think about it, at least no one told her the lie that she deserved better. Amber never should have been so stupid to believe it.

That’s the worst part. Being tricked into hope, and then having it stolen away.

It’s those girls’ faults. Amber wants them to hurt. She wants them to hurt as much as she does. And she knows just what to do to make them hurt.





GRACE.


Grace barely got any information out of Erin at lunch before the security guard broke them apart. Something about Otis overhearing Spencer and Eric at the Quick Stop. Something about a girl in Fir City who needs their help.