The Night Tiger(111)

He stops. There is indeed something wrong, something that registered as a flicker in his vision even in the dimness of the early morning. William turns back to the police officer.





44

Taiping/Falim

Sunday, June 28th




I lay in that double bed with its unyielding pillows, my head on Shin’s chest and wished that time would stop, in this moment, forever. It was morning. The rain had ceased, and there was a clear, bright hush in the air. Shin was asleep.

The darkness was gone. As though the months and years that we’d lived in that long, narrow shophouse over the tin-ore dealership had turned into something else, though what it was exactly, I couldn’t say. I only knew that I was happier than I’d ever been. Dangerously happy. I pressed my lips to Shin’s collarbone. His skin was warm and tasted like salt.

Suddenly worried, I sat up, but the shirt I was wearing was still buttoned and my underwear was in place. In the bathroom, I examined myself seriously in the black-speckled mirror. Love hadn’t done anything miraculous, though my cheeks went pink when I recalled how Shin had pinned me down last night. If he’d kept insisting, I might well have given in though I gave myself a stern talking-to. What were we going to do? I couldn’t see any clear path for us.

When I went back into the room, Shin was still lying in bed. I bent over him, admiring his long lashes, and he grabbed me by the waist. Several breathless minutes ensued. “We have to catch a train.” With an effort, I disentangled myself.

“Why do you always say no to me?”

“I just don’t think this is right for us to do.”

“You’ll regret it,” he said. “Do you know how hard it is to get away like this? To go to a different town, find a hotel where nobody knows us?”

I thought at first he was joking, but the look in his eyes was deadly serious. He unbuttoned the shirt I was wearing and began to kiss my throat. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t resist as his hands roamed over my skin, touching me skillfully, making my legs weak, my stomach clench.

“Stop!” I gasped.

Shin’s face was flushed. “Ji Lin, please,” he said, in a husky voice I’d never heard before. “Please, please.”

I knew what he was asking. My heart gave a treacherous lurch, but I was sure that if we did this, it would be the wrong way, the wrong order. Miserably, I said, “I’m sorry. We can’t. Won’t you wait?”

He got up abruptly and went to the bathroom. I could hear the water running as he stayed in there a good long time. I put my head down on the warm place where Shin had lain, feeling obscurely wretched. Perhaps he’d think that I didn’t really love him. After all, Fong Lan had been so willing to give herself to him. Thinking of Shin’s other girlfriends made my chest tighten painfully. How had he learned to kiss like that and what else had he done with them? But I wasn’t going to be jealous, I thought. I wouldn’t be like that, clinging and crying, even if he left me one day.

When Shin returned, he was back to normal. His dark hair was sleek with water and my yellow dress, which I’d hung to dry last night, was on his arm. “Trade your dress for that shirt,” he said, jokingly.

“What about your shirt from last night? Isn’t it dry?”

“I want the one you’re wearing.”

I turned red, and surprisingly, so did Shin. I went into the bathroom, changed, and gave him the new men’s shirt I’d been wearing, now sadly crumpled since I’d slept in it. After that, not knowing what to say, we went down and checked out of the hotel. The same clerk was there and she gave us a look.

“There was some noise from your room last night.”

“Yes,” said Shin. “I fell off the bed.”

She pursed her mouth, and I had to stifle the hysterical urge to giggle, squeezing Shin’s hand instead. And so we left Taiping, that rainy, romantic little town between the limestone hills. One day, I thought, I’d like to come back with Shin. And do everything properly.



* * *



I was headed to Falim, since I wanted to check on my mother. Shin would go on to Batu Gajah for his shift at the hospital. “Be careful when you go home,” he said. We’d held hands secretly all the way on the train; it wasn’t proper to display physical affection in public, but when no one was looking, Shin had sneaked a couple of kisses. I was so happy that I must have been grinning like an idiot, and Shin wasn’t much better.

“I can keep a secret,” I said.

In answer, Shin put his lips against my ear. “See?” he murmured. “You’re all flustered now.”

I hated to admit it, but he was right. Recalling how Shin had said, I’ll make you mine, I wondered if all men had this power over women. Whether by laying hands on us, by caresses and sweet words, they could bend us to their will. I didn’t like that idea. But no, Robert had kissed me before and the results had been disastrous.

“Shin,” I said slowly. “Do you have another girl?”

“No.”

“Then whose ring is this?”

“It’s yours. Didn’t I give it to you?”

I was dumbfounded. Certainly, he’d handed it to me in front of Matron, but I’d assumed he was just playing along. Shin looked sheepish. “I meant to do it in a better way—not like that.”