The Mountains Sing(86)

“Fine.” Grandma sighed. “Can I ask you for just one thing, Sáng? You have many connections in the South. Could you use them to find your brother Minh?”

“There’s no proof that he’s gone south.”

“If he were still here, he’d have come back to our village by now. Please, do it for me.”

“Looking for him is like searching for a needle on the ocean’s floor. I can’t promise, but I’ll see what I can do.”

I no longer trusted Uncle Sáng. If Uncle Minh was found in the South, he would crash the career ladder Uncle Sáng was hoping to climb.

I WAS STUDYING when my mother came to my desk, with Uncle ??t behind her. She combed my hair with her fingers. “H??ng, I’d like to ask you something.”

“Yes, Mama.”

“It’s been more than a year since the war ended. I’ve been asking around. There’s just no news about your father. He’d be home now if . . . if he were still alive.”

I stood up. “He’s alive. I know he is.”

“H??ng, listen to me. Your father loved us too much to not come back. Even if he was injured, he would drag himself back here. Or write, he would at least write to us.”

“He’ll be home soon. His bird tells me every single day.”

“I’d like to believe that, too, Darling. But it’s not fair for your father if we don’t call his soul home. Unless we burn incense for him, his soul won’t find its way back.”

“Mama, incense is for dead people!”

She gripped my shoulder. “We need to set up an altar for your father, H??ng. We need to ask his soul to come home.”

I pushed her away. “My father is not dead.”

“H??ng,” Uncle ??t broke in. “There’s something I need to tell you.” He looked at my mother, then back at me. “When I first returned, I told you I’d met your father in the jungle, that we bid good-byes, and two weeks later, the bombings hit. The truth is that . . . your father left not long . . . maybe just half an hour before the bombs arrived. I don’t know how far he could have gotten, but . . .”

I put my face into my palms and screamed.

“I’m sorry, H??ng. I wanted to go look for him, but I was so sick, I could only crawl. The bombing went on for days. Once I regained my strength, I left the cave to search for him, but vast jungles had been uprooted. I didn’t find anybody among the burnt trees.”

“You’ve lied to me all this time, Uncle? For what?”

“Because hope helps to keep us alive, H??ng. I’ve tried to hope that your father survived, but now it’s time—”

“What else did you lie about?” I shouted. “Are you happy to see how much I’ve suffered?”

“I’m so sorry I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you any sooner.” Tears ran down my uncle’s face as he walked to me.

I skirted around him. I ran out of the house.

Streets blurred past me. The air that rushed by my ears sounded like the whizzing of bombs being dropped. The thumps of my footsteps on the ground sent tremors through my body like explosions. I saw my father in the jungle, roasted by flames, I heard him call my name as tongues of fire ate into him, disfigured him. I howled. Around me, people shouted, dashing out of my way. Vehicles beeped, whirling past me.

Cries choked my chest as I slumped down onto the pavement.

My mother arrived at my side. She knelt, opened her arms, and enfolded me into her. “I’m sorry, my darling daughter,” she panted. “We won’t set up the altar if you don’t want to. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. . . .”

She rubbed my back until my sobs eased, then pushed me gently away from her. She caressed my cheek. “Look at you. You’re taller than me now. Smarter, more beautiful. Your father is proud of you.”

“I miss him, Mama.”

“He’s right here with us. He’s never far away.” She put her hand on her heart.

LATER THAT NIGHT, Tam rode me away on his bike. “Where would you like to go?” he asked.

“Wherever.” I leaned my face against his back.

“To a lake where it’s cool, okay?”

I closed my eyes and saw my father’s face. He was smiling at me across the distance of eight years and sixty-five days.

Above us, the moon was floating on a dome of darkness, surrounded by glittering stars. If paradise was up there, perhaps my father was free from all the pain of this world.

Ng?c Khánh Lake unfurled itself in front of us. Oil lamps lit by tea sellers glowed on the water’s surface, like floating lanterns. Tam waited for me to get off the bike before leading it up to the pavement. We crossed a large patch of grass and arrived at the lakeside. Tiny waves rode on moonlight, rippling toward us.

“Thanks for being here, Tam. I love my father too much to let him go.”

“He lives on in you, H??ng. He’ll live on in your children and grandchildren.”

He embraced me. The scent of his body sweetened the air around me, his heart beating inside my chest.

I raised my face to meet his. We kissed under the speechless sky.





The Way to Happiness

Hà N?i–Ngh? An–Hà N?i, 1956–1965

After Mr. Giáp the goldsmith had disappeared into the crowd, my stomach burned and flipped.