The Lucky Ones(105)

“Once or twice every year he remembers he has a conscience.” Allison picked up a loose carnation from the bottom of the florist’s box and twirled it in her fingers. “Today’s our lucky day.”

“The day you came home was my lucky day. The first time and the second time.” Roland took the flower out of her hand and tucked it behind her ear. “And it’ll be my lucky day again when you come back for the third time. If and when you come back.”

She looked up at him.

“What?” he said. “I can read you pretty well by now. You are leaving, aren’t you?”

She smiled weakly.

“I was thinking of doing what I told myself I came out here to do. See the coast. All of it. Drive down the 101 until I hit the ocean or Mexico.” She hadn’t given away all of McQueen’s money. She had plenty left for a long trip.

“Sounds like a nice drive,” Roland said. “Want some company?”

She’d been afraid of that question.

“Yes,” she said. “But...”

“Right,” he said.

“I think I need to be alone,” she said. “I’ve always been afraid of that, you know. I should get over it.”

“Why?” he asked. “Seems like being alone is something worth being afraid of.”

“You were a monk, remember?”

“And I lived with forty other monks. Monks aren’t hermits. I’m scared of being alone, too. We can be scared of being alone together if you want.”

“I signed up for six years of McQueen last time I got scared I was going to be alone in the world.”

“Didn’t turn out that bad, did it?”

“You’re defending my ex?” she asked.

“He sent us flowers and bourbon money,” Roland said.

“I guess he’s not so bad,” she said. “And we did have fun those sex years.”

“Six years?”

“You heard me,” she said.

Roland laughed. The laugh didn’t last long, but it was a good laugh while it lasted.

“So...” he said, perching himself on top of the dining room table. A no-no in the old days but the old days were over. “You’re leaving tomorrow morning?”

“That’s the plan,” she said.

He sighed. He didn’t look surprised but he didn’t look happy, either. Simply resigned.

“And you?” she asked. “Back to the monastery?”

“I suppose,” he said. “But not right away. I don’t want to leave Deac and Thor alone to clean up all the messes. Dad had money, lots of it. Lots of paperwork when there’s lots of money.”

Allison wondered what they would find when they went through the paperwork. Would he find out about the dead kids? The kids who hadn’t been so lucky? Not likely. Dr. Capello had burned all the evidence.

“You all rich now?” Allison asked.

“We have trust funds,” he said, and the tone implied they were substantial but not enormous. “But Dad’s also donating a big chunk of his money to a few children’s charities. He left a separate trust fund just for upkeep on the house, which is nice. I’ll have more than enough money to buy your bookstore if that’ll keep you here.”

“Nice try,” she said.

“Had to do it. Dad would have wanted me to.”

“You want to,” she said, raising a hand to his face. “Because you are the nicest boy in the world.”

It was a teasing compliment but Roland took it hard. He lowered his head and stared at his hands clasped across his lap.

“Am I?” he asked.

“I think you are,” she said.

“I didn’t used to be.”

“You used to be a kid. Now you aren’t. Now you’re a grown man, and a very handsome one at that.”

She stepped between his knees and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and she sensed him flinch.

“What?” she asked.

“You hit my sore shoulder,” he said. “See?”

He pulled the collar of his shirt down and Allison saw the black bruise that mottled his entire shoulder. She stared at it, long and hard, and realized she hadn’t seen him shirtless since the night before Dr. Capello died. And this was why.

“I thought you used the ax.”

“I tried, but it was taking too long,” he said. “Brute force did the trick.”

“You plowed through a locked door with your shoulder.”

“I heard you scream,” he said. “What else was I going to do?”

Far more gently this time, Allison put her arms around Roland and held him to her.

“Thank you for saving my life,” she whispered.

“Don’t go,” he said into her ear. “Tomorrow, I mean.”

“Roland...”

“I know I’m making it harder for you. But I let you go the first time without a fight, and I’m not going to do that again. So let me fight.”

Allison pulled back to face him and gave him a weak smile. “Okay, fight me then.”

“I lied to you about one last thing.”

“Huge surprise,” she said. “What about?”

“Chopping wood. I told you I was chopping so much wood because it was relieving my stress about Dad. That’s not why. I couldn’t stop thinking about you being here this winter, and winter in Arrow Cape is why fireplaces were invented. I wanted to keep you warm all winter. I pictured you and me on the sofa in the living room with the fireplace going. I was dreaming about how I was going to read to you every night before bed, the fireplace roaring in front of us and you’d be lying in my lap half asleep. And I was dreaming about how you would hide with me under the covers when it rains. And it rains a lot out here so that’s a lot of hiding. And I know you’re leaving because we had to lie to you and you had to lie to us...but you lie when you love someone and you don’t want to hurt them. Maybe those lies don’t have to be a wall between us. Maybe they can be a bridge. Anyway, the truth is I chopped so much wood because I want to keep you warm forever.”