The Loneliest Girl in the Universe(52)

Have I condemned J to death?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can leave him imprisoned on The Infinity like this.

My thoughts are interrupted by a soft, automated voice coming from the tablet. “There is an incoming call from Jeremy Shoreditch. Would you like to accept?”

The notification pushes me over the edge.

“Answer it,” I say quickly. I need to speak to J. I need to try to understand what’s going on.

The video call connects and his face appears.

“Romy,” he says.

I can’t speak. I just nod, examining his features. I can’t tell from his expression whether he’s angry or upset. There’s a livid red mark on his cheek where my mother’s skin had sealed itself to his.

It might just be because I’m safe here on this ship, which is already hundreds of kilometres away from him, but somehow I’m not so terrified any more. I almost feel sorry for him. Right now, he looks harmless. Exhausted. Not monstrous at all.

When I open my mouth to finally speak, my lips part with an audible sound. “Are you all right?” I ask quietly.

He rubs at the mark on his cheek and sighs. “I’m OK. Romy, I’m sorry I scared you. I should have been more open with you about how soon the ship would be arriving. You’re so young, and I … I just wasn’t thinking coherently.”

I bite my lip, fighting back tears. Maybe I should have stopped to talk to him through the airlock, rather than detaching the ships.

“Because of your parents?” I venture carefully. I have barely been able to go anywhere near the sick bay because my mother was in there. If I were him, there’s no way I would have been able to deal with boarding the ship my parents died on. Not without some sort of horrifying and embarrassing breakdown.

He nods, then frowns. “I knew it would be hard, coming to the place where they died. But it was so much worse than I thought it would be. The minute I stepped on board, it brought everything back – all the memories of finding out that they’d died, when I felt completely alone in the universe. I got really upset and lashed out at you. I can’t tell you how much I regret it.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t know they were part of the crew. I would never have talked about my nightmares in my emails if I’d known that two of the astronauts were your parents.”

“I should have told you the truth a long time ago,” J says. “But it was just too painful.”

“I understand. I can’t talk about my … about my dad either.”

We’re both silent.

“How old were you when they died?” I ask. If his parents had him before they left Earth nineteen years ago, then he must have been pretty young.

“Twenty-five. They got accepted for The Infinity mission when I was thirteen, which was due to launch after I turned eighteen. At first they weren’t sure if they should go, because of me. But NASA told them that I’d be able to follow them in a few years and we’d be together again.”

“So when you found out what had happened, you were already trying to become an astronaut too?”

He nods. “I’d just graduated and I was in training at NASA when they told me that Mom and Dad were dead. Just like that. I couldn’t believe it. We’d been preparing for so long, and then they were gone before their mission had even really started.”

“I’m so sorry, J.”

He’s silent while I wrap my head around everything he’s told me.

“They let you join the mission?” I ask. “Even after your parents died in space?”

“Yes. NASA knew I wanted to honour their memory by doing what they couldn’t. I had to support what was left of The Infinity’s mission. For most of my training we knew that there were still three people alive on the ship – two crew members who hadn’t been in stasis when everyone died, and a baby. A little girl. Then, two years before we launched, we found out that an oxygen tank explosion had killed the adults, and the little girl was the only one left. The mission became even more important.”

I nod. After they died, I told NASA an oxygen tank had killed my parents. I couldn’t bear to explain the truth about my mother. Then I realize what he’s saying. “Everyone knew about me?”

J smiles. “Romy, everyone on Earth heard about you. The child genius who knows everything there is to know about the ship. Who was going to be the commander when she grew up. I envied you. You had the life that I wanted: exploring the universe with your parents. I started this mission so angry at you for that.” J looks down and clears his throat. “You know, I only started talking to you because I wanted to see what you were like. The girl who stole my dream.”

I feel raw. This is not what I was expecting to hear.

“That’s why I copied your stories,” he continues. “I just wanted you to like me. I was trying to get you to open up, to talk to me, so I could see what you were like behind the formal emails you sent as the commander. But now I understand that you’d have talked to me as myself. I didn’t need to pretend to be that character.”

“It wasn’t fair,” I say. “It wasn’t fair that you manipulated me like that. You used Jayden against me.”

“I know. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I regret it so much. Romy, I’m not trying to hurt you. I never will. I swear on it.”