The Loneliest Girl in the Universe(18)
Even if the journey takes another nineteen years, would you turn the ship around and go back to Earth if you could?
I wonder a lot about what life is like for you, alone on your ship. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’d like to hear about it.
J
From: The Infinity Sent: 17/04/2067
To: The Eternity Predicted date of receipt: 10/07/2067
J,
Interesting questions.
I like Loch & Ness because it’s the complete opposite of my life. I’ve rewatched it so many times that the characters feel like real friends to me. Jayden is my favourite. He acts like he’s really cool and jokes around a lot, but actually he’s a total sweetheart. He’s hilarious too, and completely in love with Lyra, even though she doesn’t know that yet.
As to your second question, I actually did try to go back to Earth just after my parents died. I was all on my own, so I panicked and did what my eleven-year-old brain thought NASA would want me to do. I tried to turn the ship around.
You probably know that it’s not like turning a car around – it takes years and years to turn a spaceship around, obviously. You’ve had all the real astronaut training. Well, I didn’t have any of that. I thought it would be easy. I thought I’d be able to go back to Earth and let someone else take over the mission.
I’d also got really fixated on my dad’s dad, who was still alive at that point. All I could think about was going back to Earth and meeting my grandad for the first time. I thought he could adopt me. I knew that by the time I got back to Earth I’d be thirty, and wouldn’t need adopting, but I just ignored that. I was in denial.
Anyway, I marched up to the helm one day, hands on my hips, and ordered the computer to turn the ship around. It refused. I pressed a lot of buttons and did a lot of shouting, and it was still like, “No.”
Because I didn’t have the command codes, it wouldn’t give me access. It forced me to stay away from the controls until I’d calmed down – which took a good few months.
I think it was only when Molly started talking to me that I finally accepted I couldn’t go home. (Did you talk to Molly too, from NASA? Isn’t she just the best? I miss her more than anything else, now that the transmissions are down.)
In her first message, she promoted my authorization codes to make me the commander of The Infinity. I realized I could actually turn the ship around. So I tried again.
I got pretty far with it. I set up the instructions and coordinates and even ordered more fuel to be sent to the thrusters. But when I went to press the button, I just couldn’t do it.
I think it was because this person at NASA was giving me total control of a spaceship. Me, Romy Silvers. I was only fourteen, but I was really in charge. That made me realize how serious it was. They were all relying on me.
Our ships are about more than just us, aren’t they? Everyone on Earth is depending on us to get to Earth II. They’ve invested nearly half a century of money, time and research into getting us there. I couldn’t let them down just because I was scared.
I couldn’t change what had happened to my parents. I couldn’t change the fact that I was here, and that I was always going to be here, and my parents weren’t. So I just got on with it. This voyage was never meant to be easy. It was meant to be important.
Anyway, that’s enough of that, or it’ll spoil my appetite – and I’ve got tomato soup for dinner to look forward to! (That’s my favourite.)
That turned out a lot longer than I thought it would. Sorry if it got more emotional than you were expecting! There’s something about you that just makes me want to open up, I think.
R
PS Thank you so much for the rest of Loch & Ness. I know what my plans are for the rest of the day…!
DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:
293
I spend the morning making a model house out of dinner packets. I carefully cut little doors and windows out of the plastic, trying to remember what the flat-pack buildings in the stores look like so I can copy the design. I want to make houses similar to the ones J and I will be living in on Earth II. Then I’ll be able to picture what our lives will be like.
I keep finding myself daydreaming about how my first meeting with J will go. Will we hug? Will talking be as easy as emailing is, or will it be really awkward?
Today is the two-month anniversary of the last time I heard from Earth. It’s possible – maybe even likely – that J and I are the only two human beings left in the entire universe. Earth could have blown itself up, destroying every single life form on the planet, and we would have no idea.
Even if we did, there’s nothing that we could do about it. We would just have to … keep going. The idea is almost freeing.
Ever since I lost contact with Earth, J’s messages have become so precious. It started out as a nice bonus on top of Molly’s audio clips, but now we send each other emails daily, and his messages are the highlight of my day. Seeing a new message from him makes my pulse jump in excitement.
At least something good has come from the war. It’s brought us closer together.
DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:
292
From: The Eternity Sent: 08/02/2066
To: The Infinity Received: 09/05/2067
Romy,