The Lies We Told(39)

Clara looked at her in surprise. ‘Really?’

The other woman stared at her for a moment, and then she turned decisively away, her face closed again. ‘I don’t want to talk about all that, to be honest. And like I said to the police, there’s nothing I could tell you that would bring you any closer to finding Luke. I don’t know anything.’

Clara’s despair hit as if from nowhere, like a bus slamming into her at full speed. After the shock of him vanishing, the news about Sadie, the ridiculous hope she had felt to be finally doing something proactive, she realized now how stupid she had been, how pointless it all was. She sank down on to a rickety garden chair and put her head in her hands.

‘You all right?’ Amy’s voice was suddenly near.

She looked up. ‘Sorry, I’m sorry. We’ll leave you in peace. I don’t know what I’m even doing here, to be honest. You must think we’re mad.’

Amy sighed and sat down next to her. She thought for a moment, then rolled herself another cigarette. ‘You want to find out what he was really like back then? Behind his perfect image, I mean?’ Clara glanced at her in surprise to hear the note of bitterness in her voice. ‘Well, look, I expect he’s changed by now, grown up a bit, but OK. I’m not sure it’ll help but I’ll tell you, if you really want me to. But come on now, stop crying.’

Clara nodded and wiped her eyes. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

Amy sighed. ‘I got pregnant when I was sixteen and he dumped me, leaving me to have the abortion on my own. I was quite far along in the pregnancy when I realized and the whole thing was horrendous. I was devastated.’

Clara stared at her in shock. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she faltered. ‘I had no idea.’

Amy shrugged.

‘Did anyone else know about it?’ Clara asked.

She laughed. ‘Everyone thought the sun shone out of Luke Lawson’s arse. No one would ever think badly of him. In fact, everyone always acted like I was bloody lucky to have a spoilt posh lad like him.’ She grimaced and added, ‘He was a selfish little shit, all said and done. I’m sorry, but he was.’ She glanced at Clara. ‘Perhaps he’s changed. But all he cared about back then was what people would think, especially his parents, how it would fuck up his plans to go to uni, how a baby wouldn’t fit in with his perfect bloody image. He dropped me without a backward glance. But no, I didn’t tell anyone what had happened. I guess I felt … ashamed, somehow.’ She sighed. ‘Now I’d like to go back in time and give my head a wobble, tell myself to have more self-esteem and then give Luke Lawson a good kick in the nuts.’

As Clara listened, shock reverberated through her. Amy’s tone was so disparaging, painting a picture of a man she barely recognized. ‘Anyway,’ Amy said, throwing her cigarette butt away. ‘That’s all I’ve got to tell you.’ She got to her feet. ‘I’m sorry, but I better get on now. Kids’ tea and that.’

Clara thought of the pictures of the chubby, smiling groom in the hall. ‘Will your husband be home soon?’ she asked.

Amy snorted. ‘Probably. I wouldn’t know.’ Clara stared at her in confusion and she laughed. ‘He lives two streets away with someone else.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, I thought—’

Amy made a face. ‘I keep the pictures up for the kids’ sake. They’re still a bit messed up from it all.’ She wrapped her cardigan around herself and headed for the door. When she reached it she paused. ‘Funny,’ she said, ‘how it’s always us women who are left to deal with the shit men leave behind, isn’t it?’

Later, as they began the drive home, Clara told Mac what Amy had said.

‘Jesus,’ he said, ‘I had no idea.’

‘He never said anything to you?’

‘Not a word. I …’

‘What?’

He shook his head. ‘I thought I knew everything about him,’ he said quietly. ‘I really thought we told each other everything. Obviously not.’

She stared out of the window at the passing countryside and thought about Luke at sixteen, how he’d been little more than a kid himself, how panicked and scared he must have been at the prospect of becoming a father. But if Amy was telling the truth – and she was certain that she was – there was no excuse for the way he’d behaved towards her. She realized that, for the first time since they’d met, she felt ashamed of him. She remembered Zoe saying how quickly and how deeply she had fallen for Luke, and it was true, but had her infatuation made her blind? If he was capable of behaving so badly towards Amy, who else might he have crossed? If Amy wasn’t responsible for Luke’s disappearance – and a gut feeling told her she wasn’t – then some other woman had sent the emails, stolen a van to take Luke off to God knows where. But who was she, and what had Luke done to provoke her?

When they finally joined the motorway she sighed and picked up her phone. After a moment’s thought she wrote her reply to Emily:

I need to know you are who you say you are. You sang a song with Luke when he was little, before he went to bed every night. Do you remember what it was?

She forced herself to put her phone away, telling herself that she needed to be patient; that Emily probably wouldn’t reply for ages. Her willpower lasted less than fifteen minutes, however, and to her surprise when she next looked there was already a message waiting for her.