The Library of Lost and Found(82)

“He loved you, but Lilian was his own flesh and blood. They had an easier relationship.”

“I always felt I had to fit to his ways,” Martha said. “I saw Mum changing to suit him, too.”

“She wanted you all to be looked after.”

Martha thought of her father’s rules, and his ways, and how all the women in the family clambered to please him. All except Zelda. “And my real father,” she said quietly. “Do you know who he was?”

Zelda nodded. She waited for a while until she spoke. “There was a young man your mum loved dearly. His name was Daniel McLean.”

Martha closed her eyes and saw the names on the mermaid’s plaque. “He died in the fishing accident.”

Again, her nana bobbed her head. “Your mum was devastated. She’d only just found out she had a baby on the way when she lost him. Her grief for Daniel, and her worries for the baby, brought her to Thomas. He was solid and strong. He offered her the security she needed.”

“But what about love?” Martha asked desperately.

“It’s not always enough. Life’s not a fairy story.”

Martha opened her mouth to argue, even though she understood. Her love for Joe hadn’t been enough for her to leave her parents.

“Your mother loved Thomas, in her own way, but not how she loved Daniel,” Zelda added.

“But you never told me that Thomas wasn’t my dad.”

“That wasn’t my place.”

Martha furrowed her brow. She rubbed the lines with her fingers. “What really happened to make you leave?”

Zelda pressed a finger to her lips, taking a while to gather her thoughts. “Your mum and dad held an anniversary party.”

“I remember I was too poorly to go. Dad’s awful boss was coming, and my other grandparents. I stayed in bed…”

“Me and your dad had a huge row, and everything spiraled out of control. I drank too much and opened my big mouth. I told him he wasn’t your real father, in front of his family. It just slipped out. He threw me out and told me I was dead to the family.” She let her words hang in the air for a while. “He’d had enough.

“I thought it was an exaggeration at first, something he said in the heat of the moment. But then Betty called to see me. Thomas had given her an ultimatum, him or me. And she had to make a choice. So, she told me that…that…” Her voice cracked.

“That you were dead?”

“To Thomas, I was. He said it, that night. Then he reinforced it. He told me to go and not come back. It was a terrible thing I did, Martha…”

Martha held her hands to her face, clamping them over her eyes. She took a few deep breaths. “But you could have stood up to him, Zelda, ignored what he said. You could have fought back or let me know you were still alive. I believed him. I believed Mum.”

“Things went too far…”

“You could have done something.”

Zelda shook her head. “No.”

“Yes. you could.” Martha’s words tumbled out. “You always encouraged Mum to stand up to him, but you didn’t do it. You ran away.”

Zelda tried to get out of her chair but couldn’t make it. “Now, just wait a minute, young lady—”

“How did Lilian know?” Martha demanded.

“She saw and heard everything, though I expect your parents tried to cover it up. They probably told her that I was drunk or said things to be spiteful.”

“But, still.” Martha stumbled. She felt her back press against the window. She gripped the sill with her fingertips. “Everyone knew. Except me.”

“I made a huge mistake. No matter what happened between us all, he loved you. Thomas was your father.”

Martha hung her head. She took her time to speak. “Did you know that I met someone?” she asked quietly. “His name was Joe.”

Zelda nodded. “Betty mentioned him. She got in touch, now and again. She gave me small updates.”

“Behind Dad’s back?”

“It was an agreement we had. I promised to stay away, not rock the boat by coming back. And she let me know that you and Lilian were okay.”

Martha shook her head. “But Joe and I were going to have a future together. I gave it up to look after Mum and Dad. If I’d known my entire family was keeping a secret from me, things could have been so different.”

“You stayed with them, because you’re a caring person. You made that decision.”

“I might have made an alternative one.”

“Or, you might have made the same one…”

Martha let out a sob. She knew her nana was right. Even if she had known about Thomas, she would have stayed, to look after her mother. She’d have felt it was her duty. “Where did you go to, when you disappeared?” she asked desperately.

“I told you. I went to Finland with Gina.”

“You’re together, aren’t you? You always have been?”

Zelda gave a tight smile. “Yes…for the longest time.”

“I thought she was your carer.”

“I never told you that.”

Martha looked around her blindly, at this empty house full of family memories that she no longer recognized.

Her nana, who’d she’d built up in her head to be some kind of fairy godmother, was just a normal, old woman. Who had lied.