The Library of Fates(26)

I froze, panicked.

And then we heard them, hundreds of feet, marching toward us.

“Go!” Arjun yelled at us, but I had no intention of leaving without him.

Arjun leapt toward the soldier, swinging his sword with all his might.

“Take her away from here!” he yelled to Thala.

Thala grabbed my hand and pulled me away as Arjun fought the soldier to protect us, to protect me. Against the clanging of metal, I heard the scuffle of bodies, the heaving of breaths. And then they came, one after another. Arjun fought them, one by one.

“No!” I screamed. “I can’t leave him,” I sobbed as Thala dragged me away, deeper into the darkness of the Temple.

“You have no choice,” she said, hushing me. Her voice was comforting, but her words sliced through me like a knife, gutting me. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

Thala gripped the lantern and, with her spare hand, tugged my arm, and even though I resisted, something snapped within me, some survival instinct that propelled my feet to keep moving.

I ran, tears streaming down my face, the soles of my feet torn and bloody by now, and yet, I continued to race through those stone passageways, Thala holding my hand.

He would have never abandoned me. We had a plan. We were supposed to escape together. We were supposed to go into hiding together.

And I had simply left him behind, my best friend of sixteen years, the love of my life. I had left him to fight for my life with his own. I had saved myself while he battled countless soldiers. What kind of person did that make me? Mala had told me to be brave, to take risks. But the truth was that in the face of a crisis, I was a coward.

I thought about the other thing Thala had said: Arjun . . . he loves you. He’ll save your life one day soon.

I ran harder. Mala, my father, Shree, Bandaka, Arjun. They were all gone, or left behind. What was I even doing, trying to survive? What was I surviving for?

I couldn’t stop the tide of thoughts that threatened to overwhelm me. I had seen too much today, too much violence, too much death. And I couldn’t help but feel as though I might have been able to prevent it. My father telling me to run, Shree and Bandaka with swords against their throats, Mala dying at the hands of one of Sikander’s men, and Arjun stemming the tide of those soldiers so that I could escape.

We ran and ran and ran for what felt like days, stopping only to make sure we were still on the right path. The arrows continued to lead us somewhere, but where?

“Come on!” Thala said, still holding tight to my hand.

By now, we were in a part of the Temple of Rain that I had never seen before. The corridors narrowed, and instead of the high ceilings that I was used to, the walls were beginning to close in on us. All of a sudden, I felt as though I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. I choked on my breath, and my hands and feet were clammy and wet.

“I don’t like small spaces,” I whispered. I stopped, pressing my hand into the wall. “I can’t. I don’t think I can do it. I can’t go farther.”

Thala turned, looked at me, her eyes a bright blue. “We’re almost there,” she said. Her voice was calm.

“How do you know?” I felt like I was going to pass out.

“I know,” she said. “You have to trust me. I’ll get you out of here, I promise. It’s just a little bit longer. The only way out of here is through this passageway.”

I hesitantly nodded, knowing I had no option but to follow her. The walls continued to curve in on themselves, and I wondered if anyone had ever attempted to make an escape through this vast network of tunnels before.

We arrived at a juncture where the tunnel narrowed. Thala put down the lantern.

“I can’t carry this anymore,” she said. “Go ahead of me,” she instructed me. And I knew what she was saying. We would have to crawl the rest of the way.

I shook my head, my entire body trembling in fear at the small, dark hole before me. “I can’t.”

This was it. I knew I simply couldn’t go on. My brain was a blank; the only word I could contemplate was no. I had lost the will to survive. I had lost the will to live. My legs began to tremble. I felt cold sweat on my brow.

“You can. I’ll be right behind you, I promise,” she said, her voice forceful.

“No,” I whispered. “You can leave me here. You can go on. But I can’t go.”

Thala reached for my hand. “Trust me. I’ll be there with you the entire way.”

I shook my head.

“Look at me,” she said. “Do you know what I’ve gone through in my life? Do you know the kinds of things I’ve experienced? If I can survive all that, you can crawl through this tunnel. Even if they’re gone, you’re still alive. And your only job now is to try to survive.”

I don’t know what it was—the bare conviction in her voice, or the fact that I couldn’t think straight, or simply that she was right. I was still alive. And I couldn’t imagine what Thala had lived through, but she was my source of strength in that moment.

I took a deep breath and got down on my hands and knees, a small whimper escaping my lips.

“Only a few more paces,” she whispered. I tried to look straight ahead, tried to keep breathing, but by now, my whole body was shaking and tears were flowing freely down my face. Still, I kept crawling, my tears mixing with dirt. The taste of mud and terror in my mouth, flashes of such acute fright that I didn’t know if I could survive it. My hands so cut up from the jagged rocks beneath me that I could barely feel them anymore. My whole body damp with sweat, my thoughts nothing more than a blur of panic.