The Librarian of Auschwitz(26)
It was also the first book that made her cry.
She smiles again at the thought of all those pages. Since then, she has discovered that her life can be made much more profound, because books multiply your experiences and enable you to meet people like Dr. Manson and, in particular, his wife, Christine. She was a woman who never allowed herself to be dazzled by high society or wealth, who never sacrificed her principles, who was strong and never gave in if she believed something was unjust.
Ever since then, Dita has wanted to be like Mrs. Manson. She wouldn’t let herself become discouraged by the war.
In her hiding place behind the woodpile, Dita’s head nods as she is overcome by sleep.
*
When Dita opens her eyes, it’s very dark, and there’s not a sound in the hut. She panics briefly that she has missed curfew. Not returning to her hut would be a very serious mistake, the sort of mistake Mengele is waiting for so he can turn her into a laboratory specimen. But she calms down when she hears people outside. She can hear voices inside now, too, and realizes that’s what has woken her up. They’re speaking in German.
She peeps around the woodpile and sees that the door to Hirsch’s cubicle is open and his light is on. Hirsch accompanies someone to the hut door, and then cautiously opens it.
“Wait a minute; there are people nearby.”
“You seem concerned, Fredy.”
“I think Lichtenstern suspects something. We have to do whatever it takes to make sure that neither Lichtenstern nor anyone in Block Thirty-One finds out. If they do, I’m finished.”
The other person laughs.
“Come on, stop worrying so much. What can they do to you? After all, they’re just Jewish prisoners.… They can’t shoot you!”
“If they find out how I’m deceiving them, someone would be keen to do that.”
The other person finally leaves the hut, and Dita catches a brief glimpse of him. He’s a well-built man, and he’s wearing a loose-fitting raincoat. She also sees him pulling up the hood even though it’s not raining, as if he doesn’t want to be recognized. But she can still see his feet, and he’s not wearing the clogs the prisoners usually wear, but a gleaming pair of boots.
What’s an incognito SS person doing here? Dita asks herself.
The light escaping from Hirsch’s cubicle allows her to see him returning to it looking utterly dejected. She’s never seen him looking shattered before. The normally proud man hangs his head.
Dita remains behind the woodpile paralyzed. She doesn’t understand what she’s just seen, but the thought of understanding it terrifies her. Hirsch said he is deceiving them.
But why?
Dita feels as if the ground is shifting under her feet, so she sits down again on the stool. She was feeling ashamed because she hasn’t told Hirsch the whole truth … but it turns out he’s the expert when it comes to hiding the fact that he’s secretly meeting with members of the SS, who take advantage of the dark to hide their movements around the camp.
Oh my God …
Dita sighs and covers her face with her hands.
How am I going to tell the truth to someone who hides the truth? If Hirsch can’t be trusted, who can?
She’s so confused that when she stands up, she feels dizzy. As soon as Hirsch shuts himself in his cubicle, Dita quietly leaves the barrack.
At that moment the siren sounds, announcing that curfew is about to start. The last stragglers, who have braved the cold of the night and the fury of the hut Kapos, run toward their rickety bunks, but Dita doesn’t have the will to run. Her questions are too heavy.
What if the person he was talking with isn’t a member of the SS but belongs to the Resistance? But then why would Fredy be worried about the people in Block 31 finding out, if the Resistance is on our side? And how many members of the Resistance speak with that pretentious Berlin accent?
She shakes her head as she walks. It’s impossible to deny the obvious. It was an SS man. It’s true that Hirsch is obliged to deal with them, but that wasn’t an official visit. The Nazi was there incognito and speaking to Fredy in a familiar way, as a friend even. And then there was that image of a Fredy overcome with remorse.…
Oh my God …
It’s rumored all the time in various groups that there are informers and Nazi spies among the prisoners. She can’t stop her legs from shaking.
No, no, definitely not.
Hirsch, an informer? If someone had suggested that to her two hours earlier, she would have scratched their eyes out! It wouldn’t make any sense for him to be an informer for the SS when he deceives them by running Block 31 as a school. Nothing makes sense. It suddenly occurs to her that maybe he’s pretending to be a Nazi informer, but that the information he’s passing over to them is irrelevant or inaccurate, and that’s how he keeps them mollified.
That would explain everything!
But then she remembers how Hirsch walked back to his cubicle utterly dejected once he was alone. He wasn’t a man proud of himself because he was fulfilling a mission. He was weighed down by the burden of guilt. She could see it in his posture.
When she reaches her hut, the Kapo is already standing at the door with her stick, ready to hit the women who arrive after the curfew has started, and Dita covers her head with her arms to soften the blow. The Kapo hits her hard, but she barely feels the pain. As she clambers into her bunk, she sees a head being raised in the bunk beside her. It’s her mother.