The Kindest Lie(34)
She and her brother slid easily into their half-joking, half-serious battle positions. It could only be explained as muscle memory and Ruth welcomed it, like salve on a wound she’d forgotten existed.
“Okay, enough, you two. Go easy on your brother. He’s had a hard day. Sit down and eat, Eli, before your food gets cold,” Mama said. She had kept the food warming in the oven. She didn’t believe in microwaves. All that artificial heat kills the taste of the food and the radiation causes cancer. I’m not ready to die before the good Lord calls me.
Mama put a meaty chicken thigh and breast on Eli’s plate, even though she had gently suggested earlier that Ruth take one of the legs. “He’s grown. Why are you fixing his plate? I’m company and I had to serve myself,” Ruth said.
“I’m the man around here, remember. And age first. Got to respect your elders, girl. Don’t you know that?” Eli laughed with his mouth wide open and full of chewed chicken.
“If you were any kind of man, you would’ve fixed the toilet and furnace for Mama. And the porch light, too.”
“You ain’t back but two minutes and you already trying to boss folks around.”
Ignoring her brother, she said, “Mama, I stopped in town at Lena’s shop this morning. If it’s just the lightbulb that needs changing, I could’ve picked up some for you earlier.”
“If that’s all it took, I would’ve done that a long time ago,” Mama said. “But I bet Lena was surprised to see you.”
“Oh, yeah. I met her grandson. Seemed like a bit of a brat. Running wild.”
At the mention of Midnight, Mama and Eli exchanged glances. It was quick, but Ruth noticed.
“What’s the story with that kid? Must be something the way you two are eyeing each other.”
“Ever since the plant closed, Lena’s been keeping him. Butch lost their place over on Laramie when he couldn’t pay the rent anymore,” Mama said.
There was something wrong with this caregiving that skipped a generation. An untold burden with a cost that couldn’t be calculated. Mama and Papa had been substitute parents to Ruth and Eli just as Lena was now to Midnight. She wondered what these grandparents had forfeited, what dreams lay barren as they assumed the responsibilities of their children.
“Well, I say Midnight’s better off not being under the same roof with Butch Boyd,” said Eli. “He’s a lowlife. He shouldn’t have even been allowed to reproduce.”
Eli had three children, twin boys and a girl, with his wife, Cassie. Ruth noticed that her brother wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, and he hadn’t yet mentioned her niece and nephews. It was obvious he didn’t care for Butch, whom she vaguely remembered seeing around Ganton growing up. If he was as bad a guy as Eli made him out to be, she felt sorry for Midnight.
Mama heaped mashed potatoes on Eli’s plate as if sustenance might improve his disposition. “Now I know you and Butch don’t see eye to eye, but that’s a horrible thing to say.”
“All I’m saying is everybody ain’t cut out to be a parent.” Eli’s words stretched into a drawl when he slurped his Bud between mouthfuls of chicken. His words also cut her with the sharpest precision.
In the early months of her pregnancy, Eli hadn’t said much, but his smirks spoke louder than anything, telegraphing that with him dropping out of high school and her getting pregnant before graduating, it was a draw, with both failing to live up to expectations. Ruth saw a shadow of that same smirk on his face now.
Mama broke the silence. “You told me you wouldn’t be able to make it home for Thanksgiving or Christmas again this year. I assumed you and Xavier were going to see his folks. But you’re here. By yourself. You say he’s busy working. What is it, baby? Why are you here?”
Why was she there? She paused long enough to filter her thoughts, determining what she could say that would adequately explain why she wanted to undo a secret their family had harbored for more than a decade.
Her fingers worried a nick in the table’s wood. “I came back to find my son.”
Eli coughed, choking on his food. Mama wiped her hands on a paper towel. “You know that can’t happen,” she said calmly.
“But things are different now. Xavier and I want to start a family. We just bought a new house. We’re both finally making good money.” As soon as those words were out of her mouth, Ruth wanted to scoop them back in. “I’m sorry, Eli. I know you’re looking for work now that the plant’s closed.”
Her brother let his fork fall to the table. “I don’t need your apology or your pity, lil sis. Me and mine will be just fine. It’s you I’m worried about. You must have lost your damn mind talking about wanting to find your kid after all these years. You getting all high and mighty and cute now with your fancy job and house. Don’t ever get it twisted. You have all of that because of what we did.”
He pointed his finger at Mama and then himself. Afterward, he picked up his plate and took it to his old bedroom.
Ruth and Mama sat in a hushed silence, the smell of chicken grease still hanging in the air. Mama spoke first.
“You and Xavier can have as many babies as you want. But you can’t undo the past and take that child back to Chicago with you. There are other people to think about besides yourself.”
“I just want to make sure my son is okay.”