The Keep (The Secret of Spellshadow Manor #4)(47)

“Can you honestly, in your heart of hearts, tell me you could forgive what he did?” she asked, her voice soft and reassuring.

He shrugged wearily. “He told me it was an accident. I’m not sure how forgivable it is, knowing that,” he replied uncertainly, his stance already starting to waver. It annoyed him that he was even entertaining the notion of eventual forgiveness, or that he was trying to defend Elias, even with the tiniest justification. It was not something Elias deserved—he knew that, and yet he couldn’t stop the words coming out of his mouth. On Ellabell’s face, he saw a reflection of his own doubt.

“Just think about it—how likely is it that anything Elias does is an accident?” she countered.

Alex nodded. “I know.”

“I know why you feel as if you need him, and I can understand the appeal. Believe me, I can. Sometimes I wish I had my own spirit guide showing me the way. But you’re growing in strength day by day, on your own. You’re becoming a force to be reckoned with, and you’re doing it by yourself,” she encouraged. “With every setback, you get up and you fight again, and you face these battles stronger than you were before. I think Elias has seen that, and I have a feeling he’ll try to manipulate you, making you think you need him more than you really do, especially now that you know something he was trying to keep secret from you. He has lost your trust, and I just worry about the lengths he will go to, to get you back, if he thinks there is even the slightest chance.” She smiled sadly, like a loved one trying to persuade an addict to get back on the wagon.

“You don’t think Elias is capable of feeling remorse?” Alex asked, genuinely interested to hear her reply.

She shook her head. “I don’t think Elias is capable of feeling, period.”

“Maybe you’re right,” he muttered.

She sighed. “Don’t think I’m trying to manipulate you or smear him—I don’t know him like you know him. I can only go by what I have seen and heard. All I want is for you to do whatever makes you feel better, and my worry is that Elias is only going to make you feel worse. Every time you see him, he tears you down, giving you just enough to keep you coming back.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong.”

“That’s the trouble—you’re not wrong. It would be easier if you were.”

As they spoke of Elias, the keep pressed in upon Alex, worse than it had done since before Vincent’s lesson, until the claustrophobia he felt was almost all-consuming. In his veins, he felt a raw, violent need to do something drastic, to get up and fight as Ellabell had said, and make a last-ditch attempt at seeking out the old warden whose elusiveness had only caused them more pain. It was not a half-baked desire or whim, but an intense physical need that, if not met, made him worry for the consequences to his sanity. He knew he couldn’t stay a moment longer, doing nothing, without actually losing his mind. He didn’t want to stake out hallways and drift around in the hopes of stumbling across Caius—he wanted to go after Caius directly, and scope out the warden for himself, to figure out whether he truly could take the information he wanted by force.

A thought came to him. The gatehouse. He remembered the sight of the little building nestled at the forest’s edge, seen for a moment while the barrier was down. He recalled thinking it was the perfect place for someone to hide out. The only problem was, how to get there? There was only one way he could think of, and it made him want to try something he hadn’t dared to try before. Now, feeling desperately that it was all or nothing, it seemed like a risk worth taking. If he didn’t at least attempt it, he knew Ellabell may as well go in search of a straitjacket now, because he would need it. Hadn’t Demeter said that the keep could turn the young and hopeful mad?

“What’s going on in there?” she asked, tapping lightly on the side of his head.

A hesitant smile played upon his lips. “What do you know about magical travel?”

“Which kind?” she replied, raising a curious eyebrow.

“I’m talking full-on Star Trek teleportation.”

She laughed. “I would never have taken you for a Trekkie.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he said, grinning despite the day he’d had. She had that effect on him.

“Well, I wouldn’t advise trying it indoors or in an enclosed space, as a beginner, in case you end up taking a chunk of building with you—stone and stuff. Even for someone more advanced, it’s pretty hard to extricate the human body from a room when traveling, by all accounts.”

“I’m not sure I’d like to see those accounts.” Alex shuddered.

“They’re pretty grim,” she agreed, grimacing.

“Would an open space with a stone floor work?”

She nodded. “You’ve got a better chance, for sure. From what I read, walls seem to be the main problem.”

“Come on,” he said, grasping her hand and leading her toward the turret where he had left Siren Mave and Elias not so long ago.

“Where are we going?” she asked, dragged along half-willingly.

He flashed a look back. “I need to get out,” he called to her. “I need to go after Caius. I need to see first-hand what it is we’re dealing with, see if I can spot a weakness or a way to get to him.”