The Italian Teacher(71)
“What makes it worse,” he tells Marsden, “is there’s no phone line at the cottage, which means I can’t reach Dad. I have no idea when—or if—he’s leaving. Now and then I get him on one of his friends’ mobiles. But for the most part, I’m left in this permanent state of fear. I’m only praying he’s still half blind.”
“Half blind?”
“Dad left his glasses in Florida. The last time we spoke, he still hadn’t replaced them, so couldn’t work. Not that blindness stops him driving on those mountain roads, which is insane. This whole thing is lunacy. I could see Dad freezing there. I know how to manage winter nights in that place. But am I supposed to quit my job and look after him now, his little assistant yet again? I’m not doing it.” What’s more, a leave of absence from Utz would be a risk. The chain is cutting costs, replacing experienced teachers with cuter, younger staff, which increases student enrollment. Among the latest hires is Francesca, who hadn’t taught a single Italian class before starting at Utz. Initially Pinch disdained the young botanist from Naples, who was immediately at his salary level. But she rose in his estimation by spurning the advances of Salvatore, then delicately telling Jing of her husband’s serial betrayals. Ever since, Pinch has been most curious about Francesca. She’s reserved, which makes him want to figure her out. In silly fantasies, he imagines taking her to the cottage—without Bear present.
“No, you can’t be on a string to your father,” Marsden concurs. “But why not hire a local to watch him?”
“It’s hard to find anyone he’d accept, not least because Dad doesn’t speak French.”
“Didn’t you say there are loads of foreigners around?”
“But how do I know they’ll keep me posted? Bear would seduce them in minutes.”
“Okay, here’s the plan,” Marsden says, clearing his throat, building to this. “I go.”
“To be Dad’s housekeeper? No way. That’s way below you.”
“My dear, you have no idea what’s below me. And I want an adventure.”
“Are you certain, Mars?”
Once assured about his friend’s wishes, Pinch wires money for the travel and to buy a cell phone so that Marsden may relay regular updates—and so the two friends can plot how to ease Bear out of there. Upon arrival in France, Marsden tests his new Nokia, calling the spymaster in London. After this, Pinch hears nothing for days and grows increasingly frantic. Each time he tries the French mobile, it’s the same message: network service unavailable. Late at night he panics about impending catastrophe and becomes exhausted and twitchy. Then, one evening, the display on his home phone lights up. He bursts off the couch, as do his woofing dogs, which leap about his feet, causing Pinch to trip and fall to his knees. Wincing, he scrambles past the leaping Harold and Tony and grabs the phone.
“Six rings before you pick up? No way to treat your old man!” Bear says over a hissing connection. “You know what happened here, Charlie?”
“What?” Pinch responds with alarm.
“I found me a new roommate: this big queer.”
“Don’t call him a queer,” Pinch says, eyes closed with relief.Everything’s still okay.
“Care to talk with your queer? He’s right beside me.”
“Hey, I’m really sorry about that,” Pinch tells Marsden. “My father is somewhat out of date.”
“Don’t apologize! He recognizes an old homo when he sees one. We’re having quite a time here. Your father is really something.”
“I know all too well.”
“I’m horrified that you never introduced us, Charles. I feel deprived. Oh no—he’s taking the phone back.”
Bear yammers away, talking for two audiences, son and guest (mainly guest). When the old man returns the phone in order to go take a piss on the lawn, Marsden affirms that all truly is well. They’ve even established a routine. Each night, after Bear’s guests stagger to their cars, the elderly artist—seemingly immune to booze—sets an appointment with Marsden for the following morning. If they agree on breakfast at nine, Bear is there at seven, looming over the leather couch where Marsden sleeps, using the fireplace as his pretext for the wake up. (Bear can’t crouch to stack logs in the hearth because of his bad knees.) Marsden arranges the wood, sparks a match—then is summoned to drink coffee and hear the old man’s ribald tales. For a break each day, Marsden has assigned himself the task of hacking a walkway up the hillside. With the weather warming, he’d like Bear to get himself moving again—part of a strategy to eventually persuade him to leave this property. But to reach the hiking paths in the forest, one must clamber up a hillside, which is beyond Bear. Hence, Marsden’s staircase.
“Honestly, Charles, I’m enjoying myself. Your father has insane stories.”
“He’s in what I call his ‘anecdotage.’”
“You say that, but Bear isn’t exactly gaga. He needs his naps, yes. But he still spends a lot of time, ahem, on the job, so to speak.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Diddling a lady down the road, and I know this for a fact.”
“The Dutchwoman?”
“God, no—she’s ancient history. They’re feuding actually.”