The Hardest Fall(111)

My best friend’s face relaxed and he smiled back at me. “I know, sweetheart. Go pee, and then you can go kick his ass.”



*

I stood across the street from Jimmy’s and tried to contain everything I was feeling. Excitement, dread, panic, happiness, hope, anger—you name it, I was feeling it. After hugging Jared and promising I’d keep him updated on whether or not he’d have to come pick up my pieces, I’d left, and the closer my Uber had gotten to the bar, the harder and louder my heartbeats had gotten.

So, I chose to stand there like a weirdo to give myself a few minutes to collect myself. When I was walking across the street, a couple stumbled out of the bar, heads low as they whispered, hand in hand. For a split second, my stomach dropped and I froze in the middle of the street, because I could’ve sworn I was seeing Dylan with another girl—but then the girl smiled up at the guy and the guy backed off enough that I could see he actually looked nothing like Dylan.

A car blasted its horn and I hurried across the street.

Before pushing open the heavy door, I closed my eyes and inhaled fresh air. With one final mental push, I was inside.

You wouldn’t believe how loud and clear I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, how I couldn’t hear anything but my own freak-out. The bar was full as it always was; it didn’t matter a bit that it was a Monday. A guy bumped into me as he was heading outside then I forced myself to take a few steps in and look around to see if I could find Dylan or Chris.

I was wearing one of my favorite white tees, black jeans, black boots, and a thin jacket on top, only because Jared had forced me to. I was burning up with stress.

Then I saw him, and suddenly I didn’t know how to breathe, what to do with myself…I didn’t know anything. I swallowed and took a step toward the bar where he was talking to another bartender. Head angled down, lips stretched into a small smile, he looked larger than life to me.

I swear my heart skipped a beat—maybe a few—as I got closer to him. I have no idea how I managed to put one foot in front of the other, but it could’ve been that I was floating. All the bar stools were taken, so I waited…and waited, patiently, never taking my eyes off of him. If he’d just look up and a little to the left, he’d find me standing right there, but he didn’t, and it made it easier for me to creep on him as he poured drinks.

When a girl jumped down from one of the stools, a little away from Dylan, I rushed to it before anyone else could take it. I hoisted myself up, placed my hands on the bar top, and then took them down. I squared my shoulders, sat up straighter, and pressed my hands against my stomach to calm the butterflies rioting in there.

Everything was fuzzy around me. Dylan was all I could focus on, and a massive earthquake could have gone off at that moment, yet I still wouldn’t have taken my eyes off of him. My heart had missed beating like this, for him, only for him.

“Can I get you something?”

Jumping in my seat, I tried hard to focus on the bartender who had spoken to me. I remembered seeing her the last time I was there, but I couldn’t come up with a name. Had I even heard her name? Frowning a little, I leaned forward.

“Uh, yes. Thank you,” I whispered. “Beer. Whatever is on tap, please.”

“I’m gonna need to see an ID.”

I reached into my back pocket and handed it to her. When I glanced Dylan’s way, I got caught up in his gaze, and I stopped breathing altogether.

How necessary was air anyway? Pretty overrated, if you asked me.

I watched his jaw harden, his mouth become a straight line. We couldn’t look away from each other. He looked pissed off, maybe rightly so, and I didn’t know what he saw when he looked at me. I had thought I was prepared to storm in and yell at him, but in reality, I wasn’t prepared to see him at all.

My emotions were at war. I’d missed him so much—so much—yet I couldn’t do anything about it…not until we talked, until he gave me a chance to talk, though I wasn’t going to leave it up to him.

Then Dylan was walking toward me and I was already breathless.

The moment he made it to where I was sitting, he reached for the beer the bartender had already placed right in front of me, right next to my ID. I hadn’t even noticed it. Guessing what he was about to do from his angry strides and ticking jaw, I reached for my beer before he could, sloshing it on the bar top in the process.

I could feel my legs shaking when he put his palms on the counter and leaned forward. I had a moment of hesitation on what to do—lean forward, wrap my arms around his neck, and hold on for dear life like a monkey and hope he’d find it cute or get away from the anger I could see blazing in his eyes? I leaned away, holding the beer mug protectively against my chest.

“Leave.”

One word—he gave me one word, and I felt the hurt deep down in my chest. I could only manage to shake my head from side to side.

“Zoe, leave.”

I hated how harsh my name sounded coming from his lips, but I found my voice anyway. “No.”

Nothing could make me leave that bar without talking to him.

He gave me a long, dark look, and I held my breath. Then he leaned back and straightened, walking away without another word as if I wasn’t even worth another second of his time.

I spent ten minutes sipping and nursing that beer, ten minutes, and he didn’t even give me a single opening to say anything, staying as far away as possible.