The Half Sister(91)
‘Mum . . .?’ starts Lauren, hesitantly. ‘Do you think the woman I saw him with was Helen Wilmington?’
Rose glares at her. ‘What? What woman?’
‘The woman I told you about,’ says Lauren. ‘The woman and the baby.’
Rose’s lips pull back, exposing the top line of her gums. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
Lauren looks at her, pole-axed. ‘But Mum, you must remember. I can’t imagine it’s something you’d forget. I was seventeen . . .’
‘You must be mistaken,’ says Rose emphatically. ‘As you say, I’d remember something like that, but I don’t, so . . .’
Lauren takes her mother’s hand in hers. ‘I know how hard this must be for you and I’m really sorry, but we owe it to Jess to help her. Do you remember anything else from that time? Anything at all?’
Rose shakes her head. ‘It was only ever Helen,’ she says. ‘Your father wasn’t some kind of philanderer who was sleeping with anyone who took his fancy whenever my back was turned.’ A sob escapes from deep within her chest. ‘Perhaps she registered the baby under her maiden name or maybe she passed the child off as her boyfriend’s – I’m sure she had one at the time.’
Kate can’t bear to impart the news that Matt had already spoken to a couple of Helen’s old neighbours last night, and they didn’t recall her ever having had any children either.
‘He made a mistake,’ sniffs Rose, picking at the tissue in her lap with trembling hands. ‘A moment of madness with one woman who took advantage of him. He learnt from it and vowed never to do it again, and he never did. So before you start thinking that he didn’t love us and was sowing his seed with whoever turned his head, he wasn’t.’ A tear falls onto Rose’s cheek and she quickly wipes it away. ‘That’s not the man he was.’
Ironically, it’s in that moment that Kate realizes that that’s exactly the man he was, and as she watches him topple from the pedestal she’s put him on for the past thirty-four years, her heart feels as if it’s being torn in two.
44
Lauren
‘What an almighty mess this all is,’ says Lauren with a heavy sigh, once Kate has gone. ‘I’m truly sorry.’
Rose looks at her, with tears still in her eyes. ‘Well, I hate to say it, but if it weren’t for you dredging all this up, we wouldn’t be in this situation. Everyone is entitled to have secrets, Lauren, and it’s not your place to reveal those that don’t belong to you.’
‘I couldn’t have said it better myself. So why did you feel the need to tell Kate about . . .’ Lauren coughs. As much as she tries, she still finds it so bloody hard to say the words. ‘About what happened when I was sixteen.’
Rose’s head falls into her hands. ‘I honestly don’t know,’ she says. ‘She was pushing me about your dad, and I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she was already. It just came out, I’m so sorry.’
‘I thought we’d agreed to keep it just between us three,’ says Lauren, treading carefully. ‘And Justin, of course.’
‘If he’d bothered to stick around,’ says Rose, with a pinched expression. ‘I wonder what became of him. Not much, I wouldn’t have thought, if he’s still the type to run at the first sign of trouble.’
Is her mum really going to persist with that lie. ‘Do you regret making me have an abortion?’ she asks, indignation beginning to creep into her veins.
‘Oh darling, let’s not do this now. It was a long time ago.’
‘But it was a big part of my life,’ says Lauren. ‘It’s made me who I am today.’
‘You know how your father could be. I tried to make him see sense, but he could be so obstinate sometimes.’
‘You say that, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and do you know what?’
Rose raises her eyebrows.
‘I’ve spent all these years believing that Dad forced me to do it, blaming him. But when I really think about it, I don’t once remember him telling me I had to do it.’
‘He tried to make you believe it was for the best,’ says Rose. ‘That your life would be very different if you had the baby.’
‘But he didn’t once say I had to have an abortion.’ Lauren fixes Rose with an unflinching glare. ‘I did it because Justin didn’t want to be with me anymore, and I couldn’t see a way forward. I’ve blamed Dad for all these years, thinking all our rows were about him forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do, but he was only ever trying to explain the consequences of my actions.’
‘He was an expert at coercive control,’ says Rose. ‘That’s why he was so good at his job. You wouldn’t have even known it was happening.’
‘So, you’re saying he didn’t want me to have the baby?’ asks Lauren.
‘Good grief no,’ exclaims Rose. ‘You were too young. You had your whole life ahead of you. Why would you want to tie yourself to a commitment like that at that age?’
‘Is this Dad talking, or you?’
‘Darling, you know I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, and if having a baby at sixteen was your happiness, then I would have supported you. I did everything I could to make your father see, but with hindsight, he was probably right.’