The Half Sister(82)
‘So what happened?’ he’d asked, pulling her back towards him, the pair of them standing on the threshold of his flat.
She had forced herself to go back in time, to a place she’s never dared revisit.
‘When I told them I was pregnant, I knew the reaction I was going to get,’ she’d said. ‘No parent wants to be told that their sixteen-year-old daughter is pregnant. But out of the two of them, Dad was the one who seemed to take it better, at least at first. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that he sat me down and told me that he thought an abortion would be the best option.’
‘And what was Rose’s stance during this time?’ Justin had asked.
‘Dad was supposedly the spokesperson for both of them, but she told me that she just wanted me to be happy, and would gladly support whatever decision I made, but feared it had been taken out of my hands.’
‘By your dad?’ asked Justin.
‘Yes.’ Lauren nodded.
‘Well, it was definitely your mother who called me,’ said Justin. ‘I will never forget it – just the day before, we’d sat in your room and decided that we were going to keep it. You even called me the next night to tell me how much you loved me.’
Lauren had nodded again, remembering.
‘But in that short window of time, you’d already got rid of it – well, that’s what Rose said anyway.’
‘But that just doesn’t make any sense,’ Lauren had replied. ‘That only happened after you told me that you didn’t love me anymore and wouldn’t take my calls.’
‘I wouldn’t return your calls because you’d had the abortion. I was told you’d done it without me; that you’d made the decision by yourself.’
‘But you know I would never have done that,’ cried Lauren.
‘Well then your mother has a lot to answer for,’ Justin had said.
‘I don’t care what Mum implied,’ Lauren says now. ‘I’ll talk to her in my own time about what she’s done, but all you need to know now is that Jess is Dad’s daughter.’
‘Lauren saw him with me,’ pipes up Jess, and Lauren wishes she hadn’t.
‘Sorry, what?’ asks Kate.
‘When I was a baby, Lauren saw him walking me in my pram, with my mum.’
Kate turns to Lauren as a searing heat rises up her neck. ‘Did you?’
The question is asked with such intensity that Lauren feels claustrophobic. She looks to Jess, who is urging her on with unbridled enthusiasm, and she is suddenly aware of the very different answers the two women in front of her want to hear. It pains her that she can’t please them both.
She nods, hoping that no one will ask for clarification.
‘And you’ve waited until now to tell me?’ asks Kate.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you,’ says Lauren.
Kate lets out a sardonic laugh. ‘So, you decide to go out and dig up the past by inviting Jess to turn up at our parents’ house not even a year after we lost Dad. Who were you thinking of then, Lauren? Because it certainly wasn’t me. And it certainly wasn’t Mum.’
‘Mum already knew,’ says Lauren quietly.
‘What?’ snaps Kate.
‘I told Mum at the time,’ says Lauren, not supposing it matters much anymore who knew what, and when. ‘When I saw them together.’
‘So, Rose knew your dad was having an affair?’ says Jess, her voice high.
Lauren nods. ‘I told her what I’d seen.’
‘So, she knew about me?’ ask Jess.
‘I didn’t know what it meant – I don’t think either of us did, until now. But yes, I told her I’d seen him with a woman and a baby.’
‘And it didn’t occur to you to talk to me about any of this?’ chokes Kate. ‘Before a girl turns up on the doorstep claiming to be my half sister.’
‘I’m sorry,’ says Lauren. ‘I should have told you, but none of this was done to hurt you. I was, selfishly, only thinking about myself, wondering whether I did have a brother or sister out there.’
‘Am I not enough?’ asks Kate.
Lauren looks at her, exasperated. ‘Let’s face it, we’ve not been close for a long time. If we’re honest, our problems go back to before I had Noah. I thought having children would bring us together, but it’s only served to push us further apart.’
‘Did you ever think why that may have been?’ asks Kate.
Lauren knows what it is, but needs to word it carefully. She doesn’t want it to come out wrongly and make matters worse. ‘Metaphorically, we just live poles apart,’ she says. ‘I don’t think you can relate to what it’s like having a kid because your life is so carefree and glamorous. You’re able to flit off to LA at the drop of a hat to hang out with really cool people, and visiting your sister in her terraced house on the outskirts of London doesn’t feature very highly on your list. And I get that, I really do, but how do you think that makes me feel?’ There. She’s said what’s been eating her up for years and it feels surprisingly good to get it out.
Kate rubs at her head. ‘You honestly think that I look forward to another long-haul flight to go and interview a reality star whose only talent is displayed on a “leaked” sex video? And whilst I sit there, having my intelligence insulted and battling mind-numbing jetlag, my husband is stuck thousands of miles away, meaning any minute chance that we have of conceiving that month is ruined. All I’ve ever wanted to be is you, but do you have any idea how hard that is?’ She’s crying by the end of the sentence.