The Good Twin(13)

“No, I . . . I mean . . .” I could feel my face turning red. “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.”

“I wasn’t the last time I saw you. Tyler was my happy surprise. I got pregnant soon after your mom died. Sometimes I think Sasha pulled some magic strings from the grave to bring him to me. He’s twenty months old now.”

“Can I hold him?”

Lauren handed him to me, and immediately Tyler wrapped his arms around my neck. I’d never thought about having a child myself, but I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the desire for a baby. I didn’t understand how my mother could have given one away.

Lauren poured some milk into a sippy cup for Tyler, and he grabbed it in his soft, pudgy hands, then leaned back into my body as he began to drink.

“You okay with him? My husband won’t be home until midnight, so he can’t take him.”

“More than okay,” I answered.

Lauren sat back down. “So, where were we? I remember. Your grandmother. She had a difficult life. After your grandfather left, she had no money and no skills. She tried to track down your grandfather, make him at least pay child support, but he’d disappeared completely. After five years, she had him declared legally dead. That way, she’d be free to remarry. Although no man was ever good enough. I think she was afraid to trust someone again.

“Millie began cleaning homes to support Sasha and herself. When Sasha was nine, Millie was at a job. She tripped and fell down a flight of stairs, broke her leg and a few ribs. She couldn’t work and had no money in the bank. Her landlord kicked her out when she couldn’t pay the rent. She and your mother lived in her car.”

My hand flew to my chest. The thought of my mother living in a car, even for a short period, made my heart ache. “Oh, no!”

“We were already friends then, me and Sasha. At first, she didn’t tell me. She was too ashamed, but after a week, she did. My parents took them both in. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment ourselves. My father had turned the dining room into a small bedroom for me, and Sasha shared my bed. Millie slept on the couch.”

Tyler began squirming on my lap, and I hugged him tighter.

“When the cast finally came off and your grandmother could go back to cleaning houses, they stayed another month, so Millie could save enough money for her own apartment. She promised my mother that she’d clean our apartment for free every week for two years, and she kept her word, even though it meant turning down another job for that time period. So, you see, she just didn’t want that kind of life for her daughter. Living hand to mouth.”

“Kicking her out almost guaranteed that would happen to my mother.”

Lauren’s face took on a grave expression. “Millie thought that if she threw Sasha out, then she would learn that she couldn’t take care of herself, much less a child, and realize that she needed to give the baby up for adoption.”

“But that didn’t happen.”

“No. Instead, Sasha dropped out of school and fled Allentown. She arrived in Scranton with less than a hundred dollars that she’d saved over the years. She found a room for rent in someone’s home and then started doing the only thing she knew—cleaning houses, just like her mother. She saved every spare penny so that when she gave birth, she could stop working for a month.”

“Mommy, I sleepy.”

Tyler had finished his milk and held up his arms. Lauren picked him up from my lap. “I’ll just be a few minutes. He falls back asleep quickly.”

Lauren left to bring him to his bedroom while I digested everything I’d just learned. My mother had never told me any of this. I slumped down in my chair and stared at my hands. The ache in my chest deepened, and I struggled to hold back tears. After a minute or two, I realized that I still didn’t have an answer to the question I’d come here for.

When Lauren returned, I asked, “Do I have a twin sister?”

Lauren turned her head away from me, and she squeezed her lips together.

“Tell me.”

She looked back at me. “She never went to a doctor. She had no money. When she went into labor, I drove from Allentown and met her at the hospital. She hadn’t realized the stomach discomfort she’d been experiencing all day was actually labor pains, and so by the time I got there, they rushed her to the delivery room. They didn’t even have time to do a sonogram, and so she didn’t know she was having twins until your sister was born.”

So, it was true. I had a sister. A twin sister. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

“Sasha never wanted to give her baby up. But she knew she couldn’t handle two. It was all too overwhelming for her. When the social worker came by, your mom agreed to let one be adopted. The social worker tried to convince her to give up both—they were identical twins; they should stay together, she said. Your mom was barely seventeen and lived in one room, but she was adamant. She wanted her baby.”

My head spun. I wondered if I should feel angry at my mother for giving away my sister, for never telling me about her, but all I felt was great sadness. Sadness for what my mother must have gone through in making that decision. What she must have gone through all those years not knowing where her other daughter was, and how she had fared. How every time she looked at me, she had to have been reminded of her other child. I thought of those times I’d catch my mother staring at me with an odd look, until I’d turn and demand, “What!” with an edge in my voice. I understood now that at those times, she was thinking about my sister.