The Girl in the Mirror(77)

I have to tell Adam the truth. I have to risk it all. Even if he hates me, I’m sure he won’t turn me in to the police. He’ll know that I would never have killed her.

If he leaves me, so be it. He can take the money. He deserves it. He can choose whether he wants Esther to be a part of his life. As long as I’m a part of Esther’s life, too. That’s all I’ll ask. Don’t take my daughter away.

I hope that he’ll give me more than this. I know it’s crazy, but I want Tarquin in my life, too. He’s Esther’s brother. After all these months of my resenting the kid, he’s somehow found his way into my heart.

I can’t lie anymore, but perhaps Adam and I can make a new truth together. I can love him and Tarq as Summer loved them. I can love Esther as Summer loved her baby.

It doesn’t feel crazy to hope that Adam will forgive me. I even wonder if perhaps he already has. Perhaps some part of him knows. I have always assumed he would confront me if he guessed, if he suspected, but perhaps I judged wrong. It seems to me that he’s been distant, that he’s never been quite the soul mate Summer described. He didn’t kiss me for months. Perhaps he was wondering. Perhaps he was assessing, deciding what to do.

And now, I think, he’s decided. He made a plan, organized a grand surprise for me, bringing Bathsheba home. And since Esther was born, he’s spoken so lovingly, stroked my hair, kissed me again and again. What did he say when I asked his forgiveness? I forgive you. You don’t even need to tell me what you think you’ve done wrong. Let’s not spoil things by looking back.

Summer told me that Adam said kissing her was like kissing the sun, but that’s not what he said to me. I was something different, but just as beautiful. The night sky.

He knows.

We can sail away. We can take Bathsheba back to the Seychelles, the four of us together. And we can sail on. Island after island calls to me, day after sunny day of coconut palms and gentle breezes. The African coast with its stormy capes. The sweet Atlantic, the dancing Caribbean. The Pacific Ocean, laced with atolls made of heaven. If we want to, when we get back home, we can set off again.

There’s a movement behind me. A black shape, a shadow, in the bedroom. I flick on the light. And that’s when I see her.

The girl in the mirror.

Not me.

Summer.

Summer is standing behind me.





21

The Girl in the Mirror




I spin around.

Here she is in front of me. In the flesh. Summer.

Darkness caves in on all sides until I see nothing but my sister. She stands in a golden sphere, alive and well, brighter and more beautiful than ever before.

What the hell happened? Did someone rescue her? How could she not get word to us? Did someone hold her prisoner? Pirates?

“How—how are you alive?” I stammer.

“What’s with carrying Tarquin around all night, Iris?” Summer responds, her aqua eyes regarding me coolly. “I was starting to think you would never put him down.”

“What?” Has she been watching me? “Why didn’t—”

She flicks her hand, as if she can’t be bothered with my questions. “So how has it been sleeping with my husband?”

I can’t breathe. My face burns. She knows. She knows about me and Adam. I want to sink into a hole.

“Summer, I’m so sorry,” I say. “I—I can’t explain. I was crazy. It’s like I lost my mind. But I’m not trying to make any excuses. I know I made an unforgivable mistake.”

“Just the one mistake?”

“I made a lot of mistakes.” I stare at her, wondering if this is even real. “My life has been one long mistake. But you’re alive! You’re okay! And what about—where’s your baby?” She’s in a loose dress, but I can see the form of her body beneath her clothes. She looks fuller-figured than usual, but she’s not pregnant.

“We’ll get to that,” says Summer.

“I don’t understand,” I say. “I saw the boom knock you overboard. And I searched everywhere for you. Where the hell were you? How did you survive?”

“One thing at a time, Twinnie.” Summer stands proud, hands behind her back, elbows out. “Glad you enjoyed my little snuff movie. You never told anyone about it, did you? But I knew you would find it, and I knew you would fall for it. You wanted to believe it so badly. Dumb Summer can’t sail straight. Dumb Summer fell off the boat.”

She keeps talking, but I can’t hear. My ears are thrumming. My brain is on fire. Everything that’s happened since she died—since she didn’t die—is thrown up in the air, and when it lands it’s a different thing. All my sorrow for my sister. The life I’ve made without her. My life with Adam. Where does it go now?

Summer’s words make their way through the fog. She’s talking now about sailing, sailing day after day on her own. As though she were the one left behind on Bathsheba. “You’d never have believed I could do it, would you, Iris? I can see you don’t believe it now.”

I’m trying to get my head around her words. Where, when, why was she sailing alone? I want to ask but my mouth won’t form words. I’m shaking. I grip the vanity.

She’s here, she’s here, she’s alive. The words whirl around my head. I’m stuck on them, but Summer’s moved on.