The Girl in the Love Song (Lost Boys #1)(66)

“Miller, wait,” I said. “You can’t just run out every time we touch and kiss and feel the depth of it all. I know it’s a lot. It’s a lot for me too—”

“No?” He laughed bitterly. “That’s what people do, Vi. They run away. Even you, eventually.”

“What?” I scrambled to my feet. “Why would you say that?”

But he turned his back on me.

“Come on, it’s time to go,” he said, his voice cold and empty. Unrecognizable. “We’re done here.”





Chapter Fifteen





I walked the difficult path from the Shack, Violet behind me. I listened for signs that she was struggling over the rocks or had lost a shoe in the sucking sand since we weren’t talking. Not a word.

Her car was parked along a side street near the path down. I waited until she was safely inside. Tires screeched as Violet peeled away in her white Rav 4 and left me in a dissipating cloud of gasoline fumes. The last thing I saw was her face through the window. Shut down. Guarded.

What did you expect?

I ruined us the first time I kissed her. I’d demolished our friendship, and now neither one of us knew what to do with each other. I didn’t know what to do with the rush of feelings that swamped me every time we touched. Every kiss like a door opening to another life that was too fucking good. I’d been wanting her for so long, keeping her in my love songs where I got to say how it turned out.

But every time the fantasy came close to reality, my old fears came roaring back. Since Mom and I were left to fend for ourselves, I’d pulled my hate for my dad around me like a suit of armor, building strength out of the helplessness and fear. I’d promised myself I would always be the one who left before anyone could leave me. Always.

But watching Violet drive away, I didn’t feel strong. Watching her go was like waking up from a dream that fades away before you can catch it.

You’re running out of chances to make things right.

If I was going to make anything right, I had to start with Amber. I pulled out my phone. Can we talk? Today?

I started to walk home, and the reply came a few minutes later. UR breaking up with me.

It wasn’t a question.

Meet me at the bench after school?

I take that as a ‘yes.’ Sure. Fine. CU then.

I blew air out my cheeks and tucked my phone away. I had enough time to eat and take my insulin, but it was too late to shower and change. I had to go to school and break up with Amber, smelling like Violet.

My jackassery knows no bounds…

After a day of classes that felt like an eternity, I went to the bench at the periphery of the main quad. The same bench where I’d sat with Violet the day Homecoming votes were cast. Amber was already waiting for me.

“Hey,” I said, sitting beside her.

She glanced me up and down. “You look like hell. Is this actually difficult for you? Or were you up all night doing something else? With someone else?”

“I had a late night I didn’t sleep with anyone, but I—”

“Of course, you didn’t,” she said bitterly. “I’m surprised you haven’t joined a monastery by now. Or come out of the closet.”

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. For Amber, one of my many failings in our “relationship” was my refusal to have sex with her. But my heart and body belonged to someone else, and no matter how many days and weeks and months had piled up, that never changed.

Amber threw up her hands. “Hello? You can’t even break up with me without zoning out.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“So this is it, huh? I’m shocked,” she said in a deadpan voice. “Shocked, I tell you. This is my shocked face.”

“Amber…”

“What happened? What was the final straw?”

“What do you mean?”

“Be serious. You always had one foot out the door. Getting you to spend time with me was nearly impossible, and when you did, you never wanted to mess around. You hardly ever kissed me unless you’d had a few beers. So? Why now?”

“I kissed someone else,” I said.

Amber’s jaw stiffened. “This story just gets better and better. Who?”

“Violet McNamara.”

“Just once? Or have you been cheating on me for a while?”

“Just once. Last night.”

But that wasn’t even true. I’d always been with Violet, since the day we met.

Amber was glaring at me. “You sure move fast, don’t you? But not fast enough. You should have broken up with me before you kissed another girl.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. It just happened. That’s no excuse. I put myself in the position…”

Wrapped around Violet. That’s my position. And I never want to leave.

“I’ve been an asshole.”

Amber sighed, some of the sharp aggression draining from her voice. “No, you haven’t. That’s just it. You’re actually a good guy trying to do the right thing. But we went too far Homecoming night, and you’ve been trying to make up for it since. I’m not stupid, you know. I know you felt roped in.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to try.”