The Girl I Used to Be(28)



Joe looked at me and laughed. “You don’t want to go, do you?”

“Not really. It wouldn’t be much fun for me, would it? I’d just be stuck in the middle of nowhere on my own, cleaning up after you lot.”

“Oh, come on, now! We’d be there. We could help you.”

I raised my eyebrows at help and he had the grace to look embarrassed. “You’d be off playing golf with Brendan,” I said. “You and Rory should go, though. Have a boys’ holiday.”

“Would you like that, Rory?” he asked. “Just you and me on a little holiday?”

Rory looked confused. “Not Mummy?”

“Just you and me and Brendan and the boys. And Grandad.”

“And Nanny would look after you,” I said. “She’d love that.”

“Come on, Rory, let’s phone Nanny now and tell her.”

He sat down next to Rory on his bed and I heard Joe’s mother’s excited voice as she realized her boys were going to be back home.

I sent Brendan’s wife, Sarah, a text. Seems like the boys will have a nice time at home.

She replied straightaway. Mammy will be delighted.

I laughed. We both got on with Joe’s mum, but I knew she loved it when she just had her sons home. This would be the first time she’d have sole charge of her sons and grandsons; it was probably the biggest gift we could give her.

Within minutes I got a text from Caitlin. Sarah’s just told me. You’re not daft, are you? What will you do when they’re away?

Work.

She didn’t answer for a while, and then I got a text. Sorry, I’ll be away visiting Ben in Dubai, otherwise I’d come over and keep you company.

I had mixed feelings about that. If she were here, I knew I would probably tell her everything. I knew I mustn’t do that.



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*

THAT AFTERNOON I went back into work for a couple of hours at the end of the day. All was quiet; Lucy was there still at my desk, and Rachel and Sophie were in the kitchen chatting when I walked into the office. Brian was out; they told me he was showing a new tenant around a couple of apartments in the city center.

“How’s Rory?” asked Lucy.

“Getting better, thanks. Joe’s taking him to Ireland on Thursday for a few days. They’ll have a great time there.”

“You didn’t want to go?” asked Lucy.

I shot her a look and she laughed.

“Joe’s brother will be there with his boys, so Rory will have a great time playing with them. He loves his cousins. I’ll probably have them pressuring me for another baby when they come back.”

“You can’t always have what you want,” said Lucy.

I nodded, embarrassed; I knew she would have liked more children. “I know; if only it were that easy.”

“My sisters drive me mad,” said Sophie. “I wish I were an only child.”

Rachel got up and collected all the mugs on a tray. “You don’t,” she said.

Lucy and I talked then about the new rota. “I’ll be here full time while Joe and Rory are away,” I said, “but I’ll take a day off when they get back.”

“That’s fine. As long as I can take Maisie to and from school, I can work whenever you want.”

We agreed on the shifts for the next week and I booked myself in for all day every day, thinking I might as well make the most of them being away.





NINETEEN


Thursday, August 3

IN THE COUPLE of days before Joe and Rory left, there was a flurry of activity with washing clothes and gathering together everything they needed for the journey, but pretty soon it was Thursday morning, the car was packed up, and I was waving them off. I took a photo of them as they sat in the car ready to go, huge smiles on their faces. We usually went over to see his parents a couple of times a year, but we hadn’t visited since New Year’s and they both were excited about the trip. Rory was fully recovered now and sat strapped into his car seat in the back, diagonally from the driver’s seat, so that Joe could check at a glance that he was all right. The front passenger seat was loaded up with a cooler full of drinks and snacks, and Rory had some headphones and Joe’s iPad, ready to watch films if he got bored. I knew they’d have a great time; they always did.

Before Joe got into the car, he put his arms around me and kissed me good-bye.

“You have a good rest,” he said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I’d be going into work every day and he’d left behind a house in chaos. “We’ll call you every morning and every night when Rory goes to bed.” He kissed me again and I clung to him, wishing they would stay.



* * *



*

    ON HEARING THAT Joe had left our house in a state, Sophie was outraged. “You need to get some cleaners in,” she said. “There’s no way you should be going home and sorting out Joe’s mess for him!” She took out her phone and sent her mum a text. “I’ll send you the phone number for our cleaner. They’ll do a great job.”

“And,” said Rachel, “you can tell Joe that you did it yourself.” She laughed. “Unless you don’t believe in lying to your husband.”

“That’s a good idea, actually. He’s pretty good at feeling guilty. I wouldn’t lie normally, but sometimes . . .”

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