The Gender War (The Gender Game #4)(18)

Violet was special—I doubted she knew how special she was. I admired her in a way that most Patrians would scoff at me for. They had no idea what they were missing out on. All the danger that followed this girl around like a plague… she was worth every moment of it. She had somehow managed to become even stronger since I met her. I couldn’t help but respect her. She couldn’t stop fighting, even when the problem was as big as two entire nations.

Her heart was as big as the river we were sinking into. She had every reason to walk away from this nightmare, but she didn’t. That alone commanded my respect. And it was that alone that had made me surrender something I had long since forgotten I even had—my heart. She made me better, and I didn’t want to talk about regrets, because there was only one thing I wanted, and she had already given it to me.

She had given me her heart.

That was something far more wonderful to talk about.

“I’d rather talk about our future,” I said, and was immediately pleased by the incredulous expression on her face.

“Our… future?” she said after a pause. “Saving the king is our current mission… Do you mean the rest of the war?”

I laughed, my delight growing with her confusion. “No, Violet. I mean our future. The two of us. Our lives together.”

She took a deep breath and then shook her head. “I’ve… I’ve never really given it much thought,” she admitted, and then frowned. “Am I… Was I supposed to? I mean, with everything that has been going on, I just thought… I’ve been going along day by day. I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up. The future seems so far away.”

I shook my head at her, trying to formulate a response, but instead just slid myself along the rails toward her. She sat up, and I stretched out an arm and tapped my chest, giving her a daring look. Violet looked at the water just over my shoulder, and then back to me, her expression nebulous. After a few seconds’ hesitation, she lay her head against my shoulder.

“This is ridiculous,” she muttered, but she was smiling. I grinned, using my free hand to push a lock of hair out of her eyes.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “This is much better than talking about regrets, and if the ship sinks before they get back, then… at least our last moment will be a good one. One where we can dream of a future beyond all this insanity.”

Violet considered this as she rested her damaged hand against my chest, right over my heart. “When you put it that way, that’s… strangely beautiful. If maybe a little unproductive.”

“Well, I’m nothing if not strangely beautiful but a little unproductive.”

She laughed, and I was relieved to hear the genuine sound of it. “All right… so when you think of us, beyond this war, what do you think about?”

I considered her question for several moments. “I see a house in the woods. It’s warm and cozy. Tim’s there, and so is Jay. And hell, maybe Ms. Dale too.”

“No Owen?”

“God willing, he’ll be married, with his own life.”

She snorted, and I could tell she would have smacked me had it not been for the fact that her hand had a hole in it. “You’re so mean,” she chastised. “Owen has made it perfectly clear that I am not his type. I think he’d prefer someone… a little less insane.”

“Hey,” I said roughly, using my free hand to reach under her chin and tilt her head back so I could look her in the eye. “You’re not insane. And if Owen doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it, then I’m more than happy never to peel back his blinders. I hope you’ll forgive this arrogant Patrian for what he’s about to say next, but you’re mine, Violet Bates. And I’m going to fight for you, beside you, and probably with you, and it will be worth it every single time.”

She stared at me silently, her silver eyes searching mine. Finally, she sighed. “How do you do that?” she asked, and I paused.

“Do what?”

Violet gave a little shrug of her shoulder. “Just… how do you always say the most beautiful things that make everything better? It’s like you have magic powers.”

I chuckled and leaned back, looking up at the sky. “Well, if you remember, less than four months ago, I was a grumpy, surly, angry man who barely said two words to anyone if I could avoid it.”

“That’s not fair… You were in pain because your… your…” She hesitated, but I finished the sentence for her.

“Because of Miriam’s death. And to be honest, that was the darkest period in my life. I was filled with this… unmitigated rage that I just couldn’t seem to shake. I couldn’t stop being a warden—the king saw to that—but I had such a hard time seeing the point in helping anybody anymore. Especially when the people who most needed me were the most difficult to help, thanks to the laws. I was hopeless, trapped in a system that seemed as endless as it was pointless.”

“What changed things?”

I met her inquisitive gaze with a crooked smile, surprised that she even had to ask. “You did, Violet. You, with all your curious questions and headstrong ways. You couldn’t help getting into trouble, and somehow, having you there with me… Somewhere along the way, I began to feel alive again.” She gave me a disbelieving look, but I barreled on. “There was a time, I can’t really pinpoint it, when I started to remember what it was like to feel happy. Not that you made it easy—oh, you and your ‘marriage’ were killing me. It killed me to see you with Lee, thinking you were his without ever realizing it was an act. And that night… after the Porteque thing. When you stole that motorbike and came up to see me. That was it for me. I was a goner.”