The Gender Fall (The Gender Game #5)(39)

I cleared my throat and tried a different tactic. “I know that, and I promise, I will find him. But Violet, you need to understand that you almost died—no! When I found you, you weren’t even breathing! You died. Do you understand what that was like for me? I thought I had lost you!”

My voice ended in a shout, and I blinked, taken aback by my own outburst. Looking down, I realized my hands were shaking, and I balled them into fists just to hide the tension. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, and I took a giant step back and turned away, trying to calm myself.

While I breathed heavily, I heard the bedsprings squeak under Violet’s weight, followed by the sound of her bare feet hitting the floor. I exhaled sharply and closed my eyes, searching for strength, but finding none.

With a groan, I turned around and began to move around the bed toward her. Violet froze and dropped back onto the bed, halfway into trying to stand. “What are you doing?” she asked softly.

“Getting into bed,” I said. “You’re clearly going to try to come and comfort me, and I don’t want you leaving the bed, so I’m coming to you.”

Violet’s smile bloomed, and I could see her fighting back a laugh. I realized how ridiculous I was being, but I didn’t care. Her health was more precious to me than my pride—but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. My motions were abrupt and tense as I pulled the blanket down to the foot of the bed before dropping into it, the bedsprings sagging under my weight.

I propped myself up with some pillows and then crossed my arms. Violet had already lowered herself into a lying position, and I felt her scoot over slightly next to me, her right shoulder bumping mine, her left hand folding over her body to rest lightly on my chest, over my heart. I sighed, trying to hold tightly to my anger, but it was hard. Lying next to her was its own special torment, but one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Silence lapsed between us. Then, Violet broke it. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, and I looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t get your hopes up. I’m still going to be getting out of bed and helping out,” she chuckled, noting my hopeful expression. I let out a frustrated sigh and turned back toward the ceiling. Her hand stroked over my chest, pressing against my heart. “But I am sorry for scaring you like that. Honestly, I wanted you to be with me the entire time I was at the palace—I was so scared. But you know… You know I had to go.”

I did know that. It didn’t make me feel any better. It was irrational, but it was how I felt. I remained silent, but turned toward her a little so I could look at her face. She bit her lip. “You know I’m going to want to help. I’m in this fight, Viggo. I just can’t sit out for six weeks while my arm and head and ribs heal. But I also know I’m a liability right now. As far as missions go, I know I can’t participate.”

“Thank you,” I said, relief pouring out of me. Finally, she was being reasonable. Now if I could just…

“Hold your horses,” she said, and I halted. “I know you’re sitting there planning just how to give me jobs to keep me ‘busy’ and make me feel ‘useful,’ but can I remind you that when you were in my shoes, I never did that to you?”

I opened my mouth, and then closed it sullenly. Curse her and her damnable logic. Maybe I was being unfair to her, but it was who I was. Couldn’t she see that?

“I know being protective is just who you are. I don’t blame you, but you need to lighten up,” she said, and I wanted to groan at how well she knew me… and also knew just how to defuse me. “But on this, I can’t compromise. I can’t—I won’t—stop. This is just as much my fight as it is yours. We’re partners, remember?”

I sighed, more irritated by the fact she was right than anything else. My anger had already started to dissipate. “Why do I suddenly feel like women are getting too many rights in Patrus?” I grumbled.

Violet smacked me lightly on the chest, and I turned to take in her bemused smile, angling my body more fully into her, until we were face to face. I sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled, letting my anger and irritation go. But I needed to get out one more thing as well.

“I was so scared,” I admitted, my voice hoarse with raw emotion. “It was terrifying to see you in that bed. It wasn’t the same, but when Miriam was awaiting her sentence… every time I went to see her… it was the exact same feeling. I didn’t know how to help you.”

Violet’s smile melted, and her face grew sad with empathy. She reached up and cupped my cheek with her good hand, and I leaned into it, needing her touch. I hated feeling vulnerable around anyone except her. She was the only person in the world who could comfort me, and it was easy to let her. I loved her.

“Oh, Viggo,” she sighed. “If I could go back in time and change how it went down, I would.” She reached up and skimmed the bandage around her head with a rueful expression, and then snatched her hand back as soon as she stroked over the stubble. “Believe me, I would.”

I chuckled. “To save your hair?”

She shook her head, a crooked smile on her face. “To spare you this pain, for one thing,” she said softly. “And to figure out what happened to Tim… I know you won’t give up looking for him. He’s as much your little brother as my own. Just… Just don’t leave me out of this. I couldn’t bear it.”