The Fourth Friend (DI Jackman & DS Evans #3)(17)
*
Marie found nothing on the CCTV footage. She had just received a text from Laura Archer asking her to be at her office at noon. She hated keeping things from Jackman, but didn’t know how to explain to him about Carter and his “hallucinations,” and that she was visiting his shrink.
Laura Archer’s consulting room was in the basement of an old three-storey terraced house that soared majestically above a quiet stretch of the river. Marie stepped inside and immediately a feeling of calm washed over her. It happened every time. Was it the room or the woman inside it? It was weird when you thought about it. The place must have heard a thousand cries for help. Sadness, fear and pain must have washed around this room in torrents, but you could feel none of it.
‘Thanks for fitting me in.’ Marie looked around at the shelves weighted down with books, the soft grey walls, the restful watercolours and the two comfortable recliners. Uplighters diffused a warm glow. Nothing jarred the senses. All that was missing was a cold bottle of Chablis and two glasses. ‘I do appreciate it.’
‘No problem.’ Laura indicated one of the chairs. ‘I always keep an hour free, just in case someone needs a chat.’ She smiled and sat down opposite. ‘How have you been? I haven’t seen you for over six weeks.’
‘Oh, I’m fine. I wanted to talk about Carter.’
‘I thought that would be the case. But first, let’s try again, and this time the truth. How are you?’
Marie didn’t answer immediately. She wished she had that glass of wine in her hand. ‘I feel like I’m breaking up, from the inside. Someone I care about has stuck me in a pressure cooker and is tightening the weights over my head.’ She listened to her own words, and felt mildly surprised. Laura was nodding. ‘I’m lost. I used to know all about priorities. I had very clear views. I could listen to my heart and my head, and know that morally I could nearly always get it right, but now . . .?’ She bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling.
‘That’s perfectly understandable. Someone close to you is in turmoil and you feel the need to be there for him, but you are also a committed police officer. You never shirk your duties, and you resent Carter because he has interposed himself between you and your hundred per cent loyalty to your job and your colleagues. And it hurts, because you want to do the right thing by Carter and the force.’ She paused. ‘Marie, you have to do the right thing by you. You are not responsible for everyone else.’
‘It feels like I am.’
Laura leaned back in the chair and stared at her. ‘You are a strong woman, Marie, but you must not become a crutch. People who rely on crutches never learn to walk properly on their own two feet. It’s alright to be there for them, but to fully support another person you have to have almost superhuman strength, both inside and out.’ She sighed. ‘Forgive me for saying this, but you look exhausted.’
‘I just wish I could stand back from the situation, and get a better perspective.’
‘And that is exactly what you should do.’
‘I’d like to know how, when we have a major missing person investigation running, and now another high priority case,’ murmured Marie, hating the accusatory tone.
Laura laughed softly. ‘I know you can’t distance yourself physically, but you can look at the situation differently.’ She leant forward. ‘Look, I know some very useful techniques that could help you. Want to try one?’
Marie shrugged. What did she have to lose except for a few minutes of her precious time? ‘Not sure about all that New Age stuff, but, hey, whatever, I’m game.’
‘Okay. Well, you were talking about gaining perspective. Do you ever use Google Earth?’
Marie nodded. What an odd question. ‘All the time. To find specific locations.’
‘Right. Close your eyes and think of that program, but we’ll run it backwards. Don’t zoom in. Zoom out from where we are sitting right now.’
Marie put her head back and closed her eyes. Laura’s voice was almost hypnotic.
‘So here you are, Marie Evans, with all her worries, sitting in this chair, in this room, in this house, on this road. Now, imagine yourself floating effortlessly upwards, away from your body and towards that satellite spinning around the earth. Keep looking down at yourself, but allow yourself to pass through the ceiling, through the floors above, through the roof and up into the sky. Go up through the clouds, higher and higher into space. See the town become little more than a spot on the map, the countryside a hazy tapestry of green and brown, until you see the clear outline of the island we live on. Are you with me?’
Marie gazed down from above the clouds. She nodded.
‘Can you see yourself? Can you see your problems?’
‘No. I’m too far away. They are too small.’
‘Exactly. Every house in every street has people with problems, and they all seem insurmountable, but seen from where you are now, those problems are very small indeed.’
Marie exhaled and reluctantly floated back down to earth.
‘It’s a way to escape your pressure cooker, if only for a short while.’
‘Mmm! Do you have any more of those?’ Marie drew in a long breath. ‘Just for a moment there, I felt really good, so apart from all the crap.’
Laura nodded. ‘Sure. I’ve got a few relaxation exercises that might help. And by the way, you may not think so, but you’re very receptive to this sort of thing.’