The Familiar Dark(21)

Thomas lowered himself next to me, wincing a little. He was getting too old to be on his feet all day, bent over that cooktop. But I knew he’d never give it up. Would work that kitchen until the day he keeled over on the cracked linoleum floor. “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since my kid got murdered.”

That would have shut most people up. But not Thomas, who never was shy with his opinion. “Nasty habit,” he said with a shake of his head. I felt him look at me, his dark eyes running over the side of my face. “How you doing, sweet girl?” he asked finally.

Tears pricked my eyes, but I blinked them back. I hadn’t seen Thomas or Louise since Izzy’s funeral, where I’d spotted them across the church and just as quickly avoided all eye contact. I could hold myself together around most people. People who didn’t really care about me or Junie. People who barely knew us or made mouth noises about how sorry they were. But Thomas and Louise had known Junie since the day she was born. Thomas had rocked Junie for hours when she had colic as a baby. Louise had been the one to teach me to talk to Junie even when she was too young to know what I was saying. My mama thought words were wasted on babies: What’re you talking to her for? Only thing she understands is your tit in her mouth. Without Thomas and Louise those early years would have been so much harder. They had held Junie in their arms and watched her grow. Loved teasing me about how smitten I was with my daughter. They knew the truth. Outside I was still a functioning human. But inside I was ripped to shreds. “Not so good,” I told him, flicked the cigarette away. I didn’t even know why I was smoking it. It was a nasty habit, made my mouth taste like my mama used to smell. Sour and edged with violence. It scared me a little how comforting that taste was right now. “I want to come back to work.”

Thomas mulled that over. I could see his brain working behind his eyes. “You sure that’s a good idea? I can float you a loan, you know. No need for you to do more than you’re able right now.”

I shook my head. “I can’t sit around all day. It’s making me crazy.” Making me think about doing things, things only my mama would approve of. I picked up a pebble and bounced it in my hand. “I promise I’ll behave. I won’t cry into anyone’s coffee, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Thomas made a gruff sound in his throat. “I don’t care if you sob all day long. It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s all the lookie-loos around here. Asking questions and sticking their noses in where they don’t belong.”

“I can handle it,” I said, but my words had the ring of bravado rather than truth. Thomas patted my knee lightly. “Why don’t you wait and see,” he said. “Give it a few more days.”

We sat in silence then, listening to stray bits of trash blowing up against the chain-link fence across the alley. In the distance I could hear occasional cars passing on the highway, the smell of the dumpster thankfully overpowered by the wind bringing a faint scent of spring flowers. It was surprisingly peaceful back here. I felt hidden, and part of me never wanted to get up, had a vague notion of roosting on these steps for the foreseeable future.

“Oh Lord,” Thomas said. “We got company.” He stood up, dusting off the seat of his pants. “And not the good kind.”

A police cruiser was easing down the alley toward us, tires crunching over old gravel. From the outline of the driver, I knew it wasn’t Cal. Too bulky, not tall enough, and my stomach took a steep dive even as I told myself to stop it. Nothing to be scared of. I was a victim’s mother now, someone to be handled with kid gloves.

The cruiser pulled up alongside us, and the driver’s window went down with a whir. “Hey there, Thomas,” Land said, eyes hidden behind reflective sunglasses.

Thomas didn’t respond other than a faint nod. Land’s job might have been to protect and serve, but those duties always came with a little dose of attitude when the person Land was protecting and serving had some extra pigment to their skin. Like he wasn’t doing his job, he was doing them a favor. And they’d owe him eventually. The half smile slid off Land’s face as he turned to look at me. “Eve,” he said. “We need to talk.”

“Okay,” I said without moving.

“In private,” Land clarified.

“Why don’t you two come on inside,” Thomas said. “Have a cup of coffee while you chat.”

Land’s gaze slid back to Thomas, or I assumed it did because his head turned that direction. “Nah, we’re fine out here.” He gestured to me with one hand extended out his window. “Come on, Eve. I ain’t got all day.”

I stood up, legs heavy, and started down the steps. Thomas’s hand shot out and caught at my forearm, bringing me up short. “You need me,” he said low, “I’m right inside.”

I nodded. It occurred to me for the first time that maybe I wasn’t the only one in this town with bad memories of Land, whose steps slowed every time he slid into view. I stood by Land’s passenger door until Thomas went back inside, had to take a quick step backward when Land shoved open the door and motioned for me to hop in with an impatient hand.

I settled into the passenger seat carefully, my body folded into itself. I hadn’t been inside Land’s car in years, and I’d sworn I never would be again. “You got any idea why I’m here?” Land asked.